Life Goes On

 Di ko alam kung ilang beses na kitang naging topic dito mula ng simulan ko 'tong blog na toh in year 2005. Yung iba nabura na dahil sa katangahan ko noon na nag-feeling marunong ako magbasa ng Kanji sa opisina, eh di yun, delete content ang napindot ko. So eto na nga, ikaw na uli topic ko, kasi naman bakit ba bigla ka na lang dumadalaw sa panaginip ko. Mula ng umalis ako sa GC ng batch natin, wala na akong balita sa 'yo. First time this year na binati kita nung birthday mo na hindi mo ko sinagot, mukhang kahit binasa ata di mo ginawa kasi walang react. Anyway, naiintindihan ko naman dahil sa mga post mo, mukhang busy na busy ka sa mga business mo. Pero di ko talaga gets bakit bigla kang nagppop sa panaginip ko at the most unexpected time. Tipong parang "hoy! ang tagal mo na akong di iniisip ah". Oo, aaminin ko, totally nakalimutan na kita. Unsubscribe na ko sa FB mo, yung asawa mo na lang. Nillike ko bawat milestone ng anak nyo. Yung anak mo, kuhang kuha ugali mo nun...

Isa sa kinaaadikan ko dito sa TV ay ang The Voice of Germany. Maybe part of being Pinoy na ang kahumalingan ang anything to do with music. Masyado akong excited this season kasi bukod sa 10th year anniversary ng The Voice, which happens to be parang anniversary ko na din dito sa Germany (yes! I survived 10 years!), ay *drum rolls* TATLONG CANDIDATES WITH PINOY BLOOD MADE IT TO THE SING-OFFS! Apat silang umabot sa battle round but sadly, yung ka-battle ni Danica ang pinili nina Samu Haber at Rea Garvey.  They are  Juan Geck  for Team Stefanie and Yvonne,  Janina Bey  for Team Nico and Leo Engels also for Team Stefanie and Yvonne. I can't find any bio for  Leo  except his soccer portfolio, futbolero muna sya dito sa Alemanya bago sumabak sa The Voice. Next round will be hard kasi there are 5 teams (4 jury ans 1 Comeback Stage Team) competing this season, kaya 2 from each team lang ang pipiliin para sa semi-finals. Four teams have 11 candidates for Sing-Offs, kaya exciting! Literal na...

Ang hirap mag-isip ng isusulat. Yung gustong gusto kong magblog pero wala akong maisip na isulat. Yung in one moment, may idea but as soon as I open my blog page, poof! It's gone. Nada! Gusto ko lang naman maging gaya ng dati etong blog ko, bakit ang hirap hirap? 

Dinala ko dito yung notebook ko nung teenager ako, where I write down my thoughts in poetry form. I am browsing through it tonight and realized, it's going to be a lot of work bago ko sya maipublish sa blog ko. They need a lot of revisions. But funny, or rather weird, there are around 6 or 7 types of penmanship. It made me think if ako ba talaga sumulat ng mga yun? May penmanship na I can't remember na tnry ko, parang sa ibang tao sya talaga. Then those poems and essays are dated, I felt sad, wala yung tula na sinulat ko spontaneously sa chem lab nung college. Tanda ko lang title nun was our lab room (Lab 14). It was sort of a farewell poem ko sa friends and colleagues ko nung college, I wrote it on our last lab work before finals. Tanda ko lang content but the exact words, di ko na maalala. I described there the types of people in our batch, how diverse our block was, yet we all became friends. I think I compared us to the chemicals, how one person may explode merely by sittin...

Two or three days ago, I created a new WP blog. It was intended as my re-introduction sa language tutorial. However, dahil humabol pa ang Spätsommer, at may audio transcriptions pa akong pending, I reverted the blog to private muna. My plan for that is, a language tutorial blog na para lang akong nakikipagchikahan. Kaso dahil nga asa garden pa ko most of the time, yung first two entries ko sounded too dry and formal. Kinuha ko lang kasi yung old posts ko sa Pinays in Germany blog. So as soon as tapos ko na lahat ng transcription projects ko at ang autumn ay 100% andito na, I will sit on that blog. At dahil very casual ang plan ko dun, it will be in taglish, like dito. It will not be like my other WP blogs na englishan ang dating. Actually, unang plan ko dito ko sya gawin (free muna kasi wala akong budget to buy domain for that), kaso nalilito ako sa layout dito. I dunno if possible dito yung categories as menu tabs sa taas ng page (noob lang sa Blogger, sorry 😅). Sa WP kasi possible y...

Today I ranted sa FB page ng Pinays in Germany . Then now I realized, medyo mainit din ulo ko nga kanina. Maybe na-trigger din lang si Kuya kasi nakuha ko pang magpost about Wanderlust Weekend sa panahon ng pandemic kaya maybe kaya nya naisip, mayayaman ang mga nasa Germany. But still, I don't know why such stereotype, na porke carry magtravel, mayaman na? And again, it doesn't give him the right to use F-word sa comment nya and murahin ang Germans in general, for what reason? He said sa comment for being rude and irresponsible, but sa direct message, he mentioned for not being responsive agad just because he is poor and needs help. Di ko nagets ang logic, nakakainit lang ng ulo, hence the rant. I mean, it is okay to ask for help pero bakit ganun ang dating nya, parang kasalanan ng mga taga-Germany bakit may mahihirap, at parang obligasyon ng grupo namin na sagutin agad ang mga messages. Our group is not a charity organization, I started the blog simply as hobby. Let me expl...

 For quite a while now, especially whenever depression gets the control over me, I have been asking the universe, why am I still here? Why did I wake up again after that almost a month of slumber after my operation in 2017? Why do I still live, if living means being not able to do stuff I used to do before? It has always been my question since I woke up from coma in 2017. My therapists and nurses all kept on telling me, "you are still here because you have a mission." But what is that? I can't seem to find the reason no matter how hard I search... Until today when I had a chat with a distant relative in Australia in connection to my Facebook post last Thursday.  Last Thursday was literally Throwback Thursday for me. I was cleaning my external hard drive and saw photos from 2017 that didn't make it online. Photos after I woke up. Because I was still chained to lots of cables and was wearing hospital dress, I opted not to share it before. One, to not shock my family fur...

 Last month, we had a short trip to Cologne. I may hurt a few of you with my words, but Cologne is not my city. I know a lot of Filipinos who live in Cologne, or dreams to live in Cologne. Sadly, I am not one of you. The Cathedral of Cologne has always been in my bucket list, and now that I already visited it, I got no more reasons to go back to Cologne. The cathedral is definitely a place you have to see at least once in your life.  (You can find the photos I took of Cologne Cathedral in my Tumblr page, just click here .)  Kölner Dom I think it has to do that I have always loved the country side. Cologne is too chaotic for me. It is pandemic and yet I was overwhelmed with how many people are roaming around the city. It was quite too much for an introvert like me.  We rode the  Kölner Seilbahn  and took a walk at Rheinpark. However, we find the park like a desert: despite the heat of the summer, we can't find not even a small kiosk where we can ...

Dear Friend, Napakasaya kong mabasa ang mga pagbabago sa buhay mo. Happy to see you succeed and your family growing. Ang laki na ng panganay mo. Nakakatuwa.  At nakakamiss din ang nakaraan. Yung dati na araw-araw nating pagkkwentuhan, be it in form of text messages, YM chats o personal man sa work. Yun yung mga panahon na I was healing from a very bad relationship. Dahil sayo, na-enjoy ko single life. Yung tipong, never kong kinaawaan sarili ko for being single, kasi masaya ko sa circle of friends ko na single din, at isa ka dun. Naalala ko, may blog din ako noon purely about you, nung knwento ko na may German bf na ko. Ngayon narealize ko bakit ka umiwas for a while. You felt betrayed kasi di tayo sabay umalis sa singlehood, iniwan kita sa ere (sorry naman). Then nagkita tayo sa DFA nung nagrenew ako ng passport, at what a coincidence na ikaw din. Nakwento mong wala ka na din sa singlehood, pero mas advanced pa din status ko, kasi married na ako nun. But that day, nakita ko kung g...

Ein schöner Spruch, was ich aus dem Buch "Geflügelte Wörter" heute gelesen habe. Es ist eine kleine Botschaft für mich, dass es unmöglich ist, alle Dinge zu wissen und zu können, und es ist okay. Es ist okay, weil es normal ist. Klar, es gibt Genie, die viele Dinge beherrschen, aber immerhin, sie können auch nicht behaupten, alles zu wissen und zu können. Es gibt immer Luft nach oben.  Oft bin ich sehr enttäuscht von mir, wenn ich manche Aufgabe nicht schaffe. Immer wenn es passiert, ich denke, ich sei so blöd und krieche ich an der Ecke und will nicht mehr raus. Es ist enttäuschend, aber es ist falsch von mir, mich als schlecht zu beurteilen. Denn ich bin nicht blöd. Es ist halt nicht meine Stärke, und es ist okay. Ich kann mich immer noch verbessern. Ich kann weiterlernen, weiterentwickeln, bis ich es eines Tages auch kann. Und selbst wenn der Tag kommt, wenn ich es schon kann, ich kann immer noch nicht behaupten, dass ich schon alles kann. Denn da sind immer noch andere Di...

I posted in my previous article that we have a Facebook group for this purpose. But in this post, I wanted more to motivate my kababayans who are struggling in learning this language. Because German language is one of the requirements when applying for long-term visa to Germany, a lot of my fellow Filipinos find learning this language difficult or stressful. But my dear kababayans , wag kayong matakot at mawalan ng pag-asa . Pinagdaanan ko din lahat ng pinagdaanan nyo and I am proud to say, medyo bihasa ko na ang lenggwaheng ito. I was even able to land 2 jobs in customer service for German-speaking countries. Kaya kung kinaya ko, alam kong kayang kaya nyo din! Eto ang mapapayo ko para sa inyo: Manood ng mga children's programs . Nung bago ako dito sa Germany, naging habit ko na ang manood ng Sendung mit der Maus . During holidays, lalo Christmas season, may mga fairy tale movies din sa ARD and ZDF, so pinapanood ko din yun. Ngayon na uso ang Netflix at Amazon Prime Video, kung nas...

Way back in 2013, I posted about my search for Pinoy bloggers in Germany. It was also the time I started the Pinays in Germany blog. It started na ako lang nagbblog (hence the URL is singular), until I met a few Filipinas sa Facebook grou p and reunited online with an A1 classmate back in Goethe Institut so I eventually invited them to write with me, kaya naging plural na ang blog title. I also posted in 2013 na I found a local Filipino community near me. Di na ko pumupunta sa community meet ups lalo after ng scoliosis operation ko, medyo anstrengend sa akin ang matagal na nakaupo but the members there are already my family here, lalo yung malapit sa amin nakatira. Naging tita-titahan ko na sya and already part of our extended family in Batangas, kasi from Batangas din sila. So my family back home ay very thankful din sa kanilang mag-asawa for treating me like their own family dito sa Germany. Anyway, my purpose with this blog post is to update you guys about the Filipino groups I am...

There is this trend on Facebook wherein you ask yoir friends to comment on your post the words 'I love you', to see who among your friends love you. I did not participate on that. I participated on the one asking about memorable events or places that I have shared with them, but to tell someone those three words is totally different. Or maybe I am different. For me those words are very strong, I can't just run around telling it to everyone. For me, the only people who deserve those words from me are the people who were there during my lowest and darkest hours. I care about all of my friends, but I don't love all of them. I miss them. I worry about them. I cherish them, but I don't feel real love for them.  I may be cold, but maybe I am just really different. The same is true for me when it comes to saying 'I am sorry'. Not that it is difficult for me to admit my mistake, but sometimes, I really meant to hurt them because they hurt me. It is like I wanted the...

I posted yesterday that I am quite nervous about my upcoming medical test. Well, that test is to test if my kidneys function well. It wasn't that bad, the doctor was a "sharp shooter" and was able to find a good vein right away for my access. That is always my nightmare whenever I have an upcoming check up, blood test and hospital admission. It is always a torture to find a good vein on my arms or hands, more often than not, it takes 6-7 pricks until they find the vein. Today, was different. My vein tried to hide again as soon as she pricked, but she was able to find it again, so it was just one prick, yey! What or how did the test went? I still have to wait for one week though for the result, but the procedure was easier than I expected. Because of my deadly allergic reaction to CT-scan dye, I already fear getting inside the nuclear medicine department. It feels like everything there can kill me. Since this test is new to me, I have fears that I am also allergic to whate...

Tomorrow I have another medical test to undergo and am quite nervous. This time it has to do with my left kidney. My family back home doesn't know it, I just told it to my cousin in Qatar and California, but I think, my aunt in California already know as well. But am not worried because she doesn't have any social media account, hence am sure my mom will never know it from her.  I just hope and pray it isn't serious and can be cured with normal medication 🙏.

I just imported all my blog posts from Wordpress back here, back in my old home. I dunno, being in Wordpress was not bad, but I think, here is my home. There are some posts that were not imported, because of formatting maybe, I will repair those posts in the coming days. For now, my personal blogs at Wordpress are no longer visible to the world, because the posts are here anyway. You might be asking, what have I done in the past years. My official last post here was in 2013 saying I am officially a student. Well my WP posts may help you find the answers where I have been, but they are quite a lot, so here's a summary of what I've done in the past until today: 2013 - as I posted before, I was officially a student again. It was for winter semester here, I started attending DSH Vorbereitungskurs, it is a German language course that foreign students need to pass before they can officially attend the actual university program. I passed the DSH exam with DSH 2 grade, just en...

I backread all my posts from 2007 here, and all I can say is "wie peinlich!" or in Tagalog "nakakahiya!" I got lots of grammatical errors and I realized, at the age of 24, my articles are too childish! Not that I have changed alot, am still childish and my grammar is still not perfect, but I guess, now I think more before I share anything online. However, it also means lesser posts because I tend not to overshare my life anymore.

I am quite ashamed of myself. I recently found a job that is, I think, fits well with my lifestyle. Being seriously sick for the past years, even in artificial coma for almost a month, it is difficult for me to travel to work nor to work fulltime. Hence, I accepted more freelancing projects over Upwork and German language tutorials… type of work that I can do in the comforts of our home. However, we came to a point when we need more financially, and I found a non-voice-work-from-home customer service/ technical support job. I accepted it despite the contra that it is a fulltime job (I am not really sure if I am really ready for a fulltime, actually). The job itself is fun, but I am reminded why I left the call center world 13 years ago: the company demands make me crazy, not the customers. I enjoy being of help to customers, but I am having difficulty adhering to what the company expects from agents, especially the stats. And now, here I am, torn between resigning and staying. It is no...