Saturday, August 1, 2020

Dear Friend,

Napakasaya kong mabasa ang mga pagbabago sa buhay mo. Happy to see you succeed and your family growing. Ang laki na ng panganay mo. Nakakatuwa. 

At nakakamiss din ang nakaraan.

Yung dati na araw-araw nating pagkkwentuhan, be it in form of text messages, YM chats o personal man sa work. Yun yung mga panahon na I was healing from a very bad relationship. Dahil sayo, na-enjoy ko single life. Yung tipong, never kong kinaawaan sarili ko for being single, kasi masaya ko sa circle of friends ko na single din, at isa ka dun. Naalala ko, may blog din ako noon purely about you, nung knwento ko na may German bf na ko. Ngayon narealize ko bakit ka umiwas for a while. You felt betrayed kasi di tayo sabay umalis sa singlehood, iniwan kita sa ere (sorry naman). Then nagkita tayo sa DFA nung nagrenew ako ng passport, at what a coincidence na ikaw din. Nakwento mong wala ka na din sa singlehood, pero mas advanced pa din status ko, kasi married na ako nun. But that day, nakita ko kung gaano ka kasaya to have her, and tama ako, kita mo naman ngayon, 2 na chikiting nyo! We planned to meet again para makilala ko sya, plano was after ng out of the country trip nyo, kaso umalis na ko.

Seriously now, gusto ko lang pasalamatan ka sa napakagandang memories. At kahit na ang chats natin ay limited na ngayon sa pagbati ng "happy birthday" at "merry Christmas" sa isa't isa, ramdam ko pa din na isa ka pa din sa mga taong matatawag kong tunay na kaibigan. 

Promise na talaga, sa sunod na uwi namin, meet up na tayo, bago pa maging 5 ang anak nyo.

Tandaan mo, andito lang ako, friends for life, tik! ;-) 

Wednesday, July 29, 2020

Wir können nicht alle alles

Ein schöner Spruch, was ich aus dem Buch "Geflügelte Wörter" heute gelesen habe. Es ist eine kleine Botschaft für mich, dass es unmöglich ist, alle Dinge zu wissen und zu können, und es ist okay. Es ist okay, weil es normal ist. Klar, es gibt Genie, die viele Dinge beherrschen, aber immerhin, sie können auch nicht behaupten, alles zu wissen und zu können. Es gibt immer Luft nach oben. 

Oft bin ich sehr enttäuscht von mir, wenn ich manche Aufgabe nicht schaffe. Immer wenn es passiert, ich denke, ich sei so blöd und krieche ich an der Ecke und will nicht mehr raus. Es ist enttäuschend, aber es ist falsch von mir, mich als schlecht zu beurteilen. Denn ich bin nicht blöd. Es ist halt nicht meine Stärke, und es ist okay. Ich kann mich immer noch verbessern. Ich kann weiterlernen, weiterentwickeln, bis ich es eines Tages auch kann. Und selbst wenn der Tag kommt, wenn ich es schon kann, ich kann immer noch nicht behaupten, dass ich schon alles kann. Denn da sind immer noch andere Dinge, die ich nicht kann, und für solche Dinge, ich werde immer andere Menschen gebrauchen. Menschen, die diese Dinge wissen und können. Und dieselbe Menschen werden mich auch für die Dinge, die sie nicht wissen und können, gebrauchen. So funktioniert die Welt.

Thursday, July 16, 2020

Filipinos Learning German

I posted in my previous article that we have a Facebook group for this purpose. But in this post, I wanted more to motivate my kababayans who are struggling in learning this language.

Because German language is one of the requirements when applying for long-term visa to Germany, a lot of my fellow Filipinos find learning this language difficult or stressful. But my dear kababayans, wag kayong matakot at mawalan ng pag-asa. Pinagdaanan ko din lahat ng pinagdaanan nyo and I am proud to say, medyo bihasa ko na ang lenggwaheng ito. I was even able to land 2 jobs in customer service for German-speaking countries. Kaya kung kinaya ko, alam kong kayang kaya nyo din!

Eto ang mapapayo ko para sa inyo:
  • Manood ng mga children's programs. Nung bago ako dito sa Germany, naging habit ko na ang manood ng Sendung mit der Maus. During holidays, lalo Christmas season, may mga fairy tale movies din sa ARD and ZDF, so pinapanood ko din yun. Ngayon na uso ang Netflix at Amazon Prime Video, kung nasa Germany na kayo, try to watch animes and other cartoons AUF DEUTSCH. Mukhang mahirap intindihin sa una, but in due time, you'd be surprised, tatawa na din kayo sa mga scenes.
  • Magbasa ng mga blogs, news articles, story books in German. Still a beginner? Then try children's books. Madaming children's books sa Amazon. Medyo asa B1 level na kayo? Check mga teenager books or mga chick lit sa Amazon. They are all easy readings for you.
  • Practice speaking. Join groups gaya ng Facebook group namin, at maghanap ng tandem partner among members. Create chat groups with fellow Filipinos learning the language at dun magpractice magsalita. But still, best practice pa din ang makipag-usap with Germans in German. They can help you with the pronunciation pati na din kung ano ang tamang word na gagamitin in every situation. Kalimutan ang hiya, I'm telling you, Germans are very proud and they will love you if they hear na you are exerting effort to learn the language. They will be very happy to help you with your journey in mastering the language.
The only secret in mastering this language is continuous use of it. Hindi mo maaattain ang fluency na gusto mo kung sa loob lang ng classroom mo ito ginagamit.

By the way, I am open in helping you too in learning the language. I used to offer tutorial but due to health reasons, itinigil ko muna eto. Pero kung may demand, baka mag-offer uli ako in the near future. For now, I am open to checking your writings, and to practice speaking in German with you. Just look for me sa FB group (link above).

Where to Find Filipinos in Germany Online

Way back in 2013, I posted about my search for Pinoy bloggers in Germany. It was also the time I started the Pinays in Germany blog. It started na ako lang nagbblog (hence the URL is singular), until I met a few Filipinas sa Facebook group and reunited online with an A1 classmate back in Goethe Institut so I eventually invited them to write with me, kaya naging plural na ang blog title. I also posted in 2013 na I found a local Filipino community near me. Di na ko pumupunta sa community meet ups lalo after ng scoliosis operation ko, medyo anstrengend sa akin ang matagal na nakaupo but the members there are already my family here, lalo yung malapit sa amin nakatira. Naging tita-titahan ko na sya and already part of our extended family in Batangas, kasi from Batangas din sila. So my family back home ay very thankful din sa kanilang mag-asawa for treating me like their own family dito sa Germany.

Anyway, my purpose with this blog post is to update you guys about the Filipino groups I am part of ONLINE. Number one is of course our blog. Here are other Facebook groups I am a member and/or admin:
So if you are also a Filipino living in Germany, or planning to move to Germany, you are welcome to join our group/s to meet other Filipinos. I am more active there than in my blogs, so see you there!

Thursday, July 9, 2020

I' m Different

There is this trend on Facebook wherein you ask yoir friends to comment on your post the words 'I love you', to see who among your friends love you. I did not participate on that. I participated on the one asking about memorable events or places that I have shared with them, but to tell someone those three words is totally different.

Or maybe I am different.

For me those words are very strong, I can't just run around telling it to everyone. For me, the only people who deserve those words from me are the people who were there during my lowest and darkest hours. I care about all of my friends, but I don't love all of them. I miss them. I worry about them. I cherish them, but I don't feel real love for them. 

I may be cold, but maybe I am just really different.

The same is true for me when it comes to saying 'I am sorry'. Not that it is difficult for me to admit my mistake, but sometimes, I really meant to hurt them because they hurt me. It is like I wanted them to understand how much they hurt me to the point that I don't really care if it would end our friendship. Call it ego, but maybe I am just being true to my feelings.

I am human. I have learned to make my brain and heart work together. Yes, life is short, but I don't really mind if there are only 3 people on my funeral. At least I know those people are real and I know those people are the ones I really love and have said the words 'I love you' and 'I am sorry' to them a thousand times.


Monday, July 6, 2020

Better Than Expected

I posted yesterday that I am quite nervous about my upcoming medical test. Well, that test is to test if my kidneys function well. It wasn't that bad, the doctor was a "sharp shooter" and was able to find a good vein right away for my access. That is always my nightmare whenever I have an upcoming check up, blood test and hospital admission. It is always a torture to find a good vein on my arms or hands, more often than not, it takes 6-7 pricks until they find the vein. Today, was different. My vein tried to hide again as soon as she pricked, but she was able to find it again, so it was just one prick, yey!

What or how did the test went? I still have to wait for one week though for the result, but the procedure was easier than I expected. Because of my deadly allergic reaction to CT-scan dye, I already fear getting inside the nuclear medicine department. It feels like everything there can kill me. Since this test is new to me, I have fears that I am also allergic to whatever substance they would inject me to see my kidneys. I was wrong, it is radioactive (still flushing it out of my system up to this time), but not too radioactive and expected to be completely out of my system tomorrow. There is no dye during the test, just the radioactive substance and afterwards a solution that reanimates the kidney function. Twenty minutes after I got the radioactive substance in my body and taken series of photos of my kidneys and bladder, they took a blood sample to see the amount of the substance still in my blood. Then they injected the other solution that accelerated the kidney function and after 20 minutes, they took another blood sample to compare. I was then told to completely empty my bladder and then I was back in the machine for the final photos which took two minutes more. It was not that bad as I expected (I did not get a proper sleep from fear!), I am not allergic to the radioactive substance (yey!). The waiting time for the result is what killing me now. I am so afraid on what they find on my kidneys. 

Why am I asked to undergo this test? Two weeks ago, I was again hospitalized for same reasons like in December last year: UTI. The doctor was but worried, because compared to last year, I went to the hospital on the second day that my fever went up to 40°C, but still the infection was already in my blood. She then suspected kidney infection so she asked her colleague from internal medicine to perform an ultrasound on my kidneys. There he found it, my left kidney is not completely emptied everytime I urinate. They called it kidney congestion. They then consulted a urologist to check the urinary tract. They wanted to first take MRI scans of my kidney and urinary tract (CT is out of question because of my allergies), but the urologist suggested to skip MRI and take the kidney function test so that we already get a full picture in one test and avoid sending me to different tests and hospitals. So there, that's why I had to undergo the radioactive test and as soon as I got the result, I have to go see the urologist.

I just hope it is nothing serious and it can be treated without undergoing any operation. Ich habe langsam Schnauze voll von OPs.

Sunday, July 5, 2020

Quite Nervous

Tomorrow I have another medical test to undergo and am quite nervous. This time it has to do with my left kidney. My family back home doesn't know it, I just told it to my cousin in Qatar and California, but I think, my aunt in California already know as well. But am not worried because she doesn't have any social media account, hence am sure my mom will never know it from her. 

I just hope and pray it isn't serious and can be cured with normal medication 🙏.