The Voice of Germany

Isa sa kinaaadikan ko dito sa TV ay ang The Voice of Germany. Maybe part of being Pinoy na ang kahumalingan ang anything to do with music. Masyado akong excited this season kasi bukod sa 10th year anniversary ng The Voice, which happens to be parang anniversary ko na din dito sa Germany (yes! I survived 10 years!), ay *drum rolls* TATLONG CANDIDATES WITH PINOY BLOOD MADE IT TO THE SING-OFFS! Apat silang umabot sa battle round but sadly, yung ka-battle ni Danica ang pinili nina Samu Haber at Rea Garvey. 

They are Juan Geck for Team Stefanie and Yvonne, Janina Bey for Team Nico and Leo Engels also for Team Stefanie and Yvonne. I can't find any bio for Leo except his soccer portfolio, futbolero muna sya dito sa Alemanya bago sumabak sa The Voice.

Next round will be hard kasi there are 5 teams (4 jury ans 1 Comeback Stage Team) competing this season, kaya 2 from each team lang ang pipiliin para sa semi-finals. Four teams have 11 candidates for Sing-Offs, kaya exciting! Literal na the best man wins! 

Sing-offs round starts on Thursday.

Below are YouTube links to their performances:

• Juan's Blinds and Battle
• Janina's Blinds and Battle
• Leo's Blinds and Battle
• Danica's Blinds and Battle - sadly she didn't make it to the Sing-Offs pero ang linis ng battle performance nya

Living in Time of CoViD-19

Today I ranted sa FB page ng Pinays in Germany. Then now I realized, medyo mainit din ulo ko nga kanina. Maybe na-trigger din lang si Kuya kasi nakuha ko pang magpost about Wanderlust Weekend sa panahon ng pandemic kaya maybe kaya nya naisip, mayayaman ang mga nasa Germany. But still, I don't know why such stereotype, na porke carry magtravel, mayaman na? And again, it doesn't give him the right to use F-word sa comment nya and murahin ang Germans in general, for what reason? He said sa comment for being rude and irresponsible, but sa direct message, he mentioned for not being responsive agad just because he is poor and needs help. Di ko nagets ang logic, nakakainit lang ng ulo, hence the rant. I mean, it is okay to ask for help pero bakit ganun ang dating nya, parang kasalanan ng mga taga-Germany bakit may mahihirap, at parang obligasyon ng grupo namin na sagutin agad ang mga messages. Our group is not a charity organization, I started the blog simply as hobby.

Let me explain it here again how unfair these stereotypes towards people living in Germany are. Not because Germany is a first-world country eh automatic mayayaman na lahat ng nakatira dito. Wrong. People must work to be able to eat and afford a place to live. People earn euros, yes malaki palit nito to Philippines pesos, but take note, WE SPEND IN EUROS TOO. So ang kinikita namin, parang sa Pinas din lang at regular kang empleyado, sapat lang sa pang-araw araw na pangangailangan. So saan nanggagaling ang paniniwala na mayayaman ang mga nakatira sa Germany? I still cannot understand where this comes from. Just like in any other countries, we also have beggars, homeless, orphans, families living in homes without heater, old people collecting trash just so they can exchange it for cash and be able to do groceries. Just like any other countries, Germany has also its own sets of issues to face before and during this time of pandemic. I guess, it would be quite helpful to post as well, how Germany handles the pandemic, reasons kung bakit we can still live a near-normal life despite the pandemic. It has nothing to do with being mayaman kaya we can afford to travel locally.

What I've observed on how Germany handles this pandemic:

• There is strict rule of wearing masks when entering establishments and riding public transportation. You're free to remove mask if you are in the open, but make sure you wear one if you know you'd be in direct contact with other people. That's why medyo kinakilabutan ako now sa pinapanood ko na soccer game (DFB Pokal), the coach is not wearing mask and then started discussing with the side referee, yung naiimagine ko he is shouting, and super lapit nya sa referee. I can imagine the droplets flying. I know they are not positive of the virus, but still the fact, na baka on the way to stadium ay baka may unknown contact sila, which makes them unknown carrier and then they start throwing droplets to each other while discussing.
• Business as usual. But establishments are required to strictly follow safety measures, some of which are:
• Restaurants: Servers wearing face shield. Tables, chairs and floors are regularly disinfected. There is a must to consolidate guest information, i.e. name, address and contact number, so it would be easy for contact tracing in case something happens during that visit (for example, one employee tested positive for that day).
• Shops: Customers must wear masks and observe social distancing. In some stores, they distribute chips at the entrance, if there are no more chips available, then they already have reached the limit for number of customers inside and you must wait until somebody comes out again and return the chip. The chip is of course regularly disinfected.
• Hotels: Same rules with restaurant applies. There is also hand disinfectant by the door, so you are expected to disinfect yourself first before going inside.
• Some offices are in full operation. Some have half of their employees on home office, but most are already business as usual. Regular disinfection in the office is expected though and transparency, meaning if you are feeling sick, then don't go to office. If tested positive, then inform the company immediately. Bawal sinungaling.
• I am not quite sure with churches as I am no longer a regular church-goer here. But when I was in Cologne, there was no mass, but I get to see the priests roaming around the cathedral and welcoming the guests. One priest even played the organ for us. The seats are also marked, in one church bench, two ends lang allowed may umupo and then one bench in front and behind you are empty. The entrance and exit doors are also marked, kaya kahit tired na ko maglakad, I was forced to see the whole cathedral because I cannot use the same door I went in to go out. I needed to walk the whole cathedral and follow the rope towards exit.
• Schools are in mixed virtual and physical attendance.
• Vacations are encouraged to be only within Germany. Those who will travel outside of Germany, esp. those who went to high risk countries, are required to subject themselves to swab test upon arrival and it is at their own costs. Failure to do so means paying fine of €25,000.00! 
• People losing their jobs due to this pandemic receive social help. But it is not a social help like ayuda in Philippines. That money, called Arbeitslosengeld, was already paid by the person before. It is part of the many salary deductions we have. Freelancing is also a thing nowadays, a little project from time to time can also be a big help financially.
• People in contact with a positive patient but no symptoms are advised to do home quarantine, no test. If with symptoms, then they will be tested. If symptoms are worsened, i.e. problem with breathing, then time to go to the hospital. You see, wala din talagang mass testing na nagaganap, we just rely and hope that an individual is sensitive and disciplined enough na wag lumabas ng bahay if they think they had direct contact. 

As you can see. New normal is doable. Kailangan lang ng disiplina at matutong dumiskarte at makuntento sa kung anong meron. If the government is not initiating anything, maybe about time to make it as people's initiative, for the good of all people. Pointing fingers will not help in this time of pandemic. 

Where to Find Filipinos in Germany Online

Way back in 2013, I posted about my search for Pinoy bloggers in Germany. It was also the time I started the Pinays in Germany blog. It started na ako lang nagbblog (hence the URL is singular), until I met a few Filipinas sa Facebook group and reunited online with an A1 classmate back in Goethe Institut so I eventually invited them to write with me, kaya naging plural na ang blog title. I also posted in 2013 na I found a local Filipino community near me. Di na ko pumupunta sa community meet ups lalo after ng scoliosis operation ko, medyo anstrengend sa akin ang matagal na nakaupo but the members there are already my family here, lalo yung malapit sa amin nakatira. Naging tita-titahan ko na sya and already part of our extended family in Batangas, kasi from Batangas din sila. So my family back home ay very thankful din sa kanilang mag-asawa for treating me like their own family dito sa Germany.

Anyway, my purpose with this blog post is to update you guys about the Filipino groups I am part of ONLINE. Number one is of course our blog. Here are other Facebook groups I am a member and/or admin:

• Pinay in Deutschland - a group about just anything (I am one of the admins)
• Kusina ng mga Pinays in Deutschland - a group for food blogs and cooking/baking tips (I am one of the admins)
• Study and Work in Germany for Filipinos - a group related to working and studying in Germany (I am one of the admins)
• Wikang Aleman para sa mga Pinay in Deutschland - a group related to learning German language (I am one of the admins)
• Filipino Students, Alumni and Academics in Germany (FSAAG) - a group of Filipino students and alumni, I am not an admin but highly recommended for Filipino students and researchers in Germany

So if you are also a Filipino living in Germany, or planning to move to Germany, you are welcome to join our group/s to meet other Filipinos. I am more active there than in my blogs, so see you there!

Better Than Expected

I posted yesterday that I am quite nervous about my upcoming medical test. Well, that test is to test if my kidneys function well. It wasn't that bad, the doctor was a "sharp shooter" and was able to find a good vein right away for my access. That is always my nightmare whenever I have an upcoming check up, blood test and hospital admission. It is always a torture to find a good vein on my arms or hands, more often than not, it takes 6-7 pricks until they find the vein. Today, was different. My vein tried to hide again as soon as she pricked, but she was able to find it again, so it was just one prick, yey!

What or how did the test went? I still have to wait for one week though for the result, but the procedure was easier than I expected. Because of my deadly allergic reaction to CT-scan dye, I already fear getting inside the nuclear medicine department. It feels like everything there can kill me. Since this test is new to me, I have fears that I am also allergic to whatever substance they would inject me to see my kidneys. I was wrong, it is radioactive (still flushing it out of my system up to this time), but not too radioactive and expected to be completely out of my system tomorrow. There is no dye during the test, just the radioactive substance and afterwards a solution that reanimates the kidney function. Twenty minutes after I got the radioactive substance in my body and taken series of photos of my kidneys and bladder, they took a blood sample to see the amount of the substance still in my blood. Then they injected the other solution that accelerated the kidney function and after 20 minutes, they took another blood sample to compare. I was then told to completely empty my bladder and then I was back in the machine for the final photos which took two minutes more. It was not that bad as I expected (I did not get a proper sleep from fear!), I am not allergic to the radioactive substance (yey!). The waiting time for the result is what killing me now. I am so afraid on what they find on my kidneys. 

Why am I asked to undergo this test? Two weeks ago, I was again hospitalized for same reasons like in December last year: UTI. The doctor was but worried, because compared to last year, I went to the hospital on the second day that my fever went up to 40°C, but still the infection was already in my blood. She then suspected kidney infection so she asked her colleague from internal medicine to perform an ultrasound on my kidneys. There he found it, my left kidney is not completely emptied everytime I urinate. They called it kidney congestion. They then consulted a urologist to check the urinary tract. They wanted to first take MRI scans of my kidney and urinary tract (CT is out of question because of my allergies), but the urologist suggested to skip MRI and take the kidney function test so that we already get a full picture in one test and avoid sending me to different tests and hospitals. So there, that's why I had to undergo the radioactive test and as soon as I got the result, I have to go see the urologist.

I just hope it is nothing serious and it can be treated without undergoing any operation. Ich habe langsam Schnauze voll von OPs.

I Am Officially A Student

Although the 14th of October is still a long way ahead, I already paid my semester fees, in short: I am officially a student and my Goethe Card would be released on 14th of October. I am torn with my feelings about this thing. First of all, I have to start with the DSH Vorbereitungskurs and pass the DSH exam on February. The result on the 28th of February would be my ticket to getting into a Bachelor's program. That thing excites me, I can't wait not to work on chemical formulas again. It's been years since I last read and worked on anything relating to Chemistry. But this DSH course makes me nervous. I was able only to finish B2.1 last year and after a year of hiatus, the result of my assessment exam is C1! I met my soon-to-be-classmates and they speak really good! The pressure is starting to pile up in my mind and my heart. I am afraid and at the same time, I am not sure whether I would be lucky enough to meet new friends, though up to this time, I already got one, a Vietnamese and is here with a student visa.

I wish I can survive this life as a student. My husband is so proud of me and he expects a lot for me. I am his key to a good life back in the Philippines and I do not want to disappoint him.

Expat-Blog Post: FAQs Part I

Being a member at www.expat-blog.com, I have been receiving some friend requests and private messages from my Kababayans. Hence, I thought about blogging the common questions I answer constantly, both as private messages and from the forum itself.

Q: Where is it easier to get married? In the Philippines or in Germany?
A: It all depends on you. The first steps are usually the same: NSO birth certificate, NSO CENOMAR, cedula and then sending them to your fiance to process his Ehefähigkeitszeugnis. Anyway, my friend described on her blog a more detailed procedure about marrying in the Philippines, it's best to read her posts for more information (please click here). We did exactly the same things that they did, but in shorter time. We just got really lucky to get our wedding preparation and our wedding itself done within the 21 days visa-free entry of my husband in the Philippines. It is safest to tell your fiance to apply for visa more than 21 days, at least a month or two maybe? And plan everything ahead, best would be that you start planning during his/her vacation/ engagement day. Never try what we did, we just got really lucky that there was a free venue, and our videographer is a family friend.


Q: What does one do when we opt to get married in Germany?
A: Please click here for the requirements that you need to accomplish. The link is from the German Embassy. Please check the embassy website from time to time, in case that there are changes.

Q: How about for family reunion visa?
A: Aside from my friend's blog, which I have already the link posted on the first question, please click here for the list from the German embassy.


Q: Does one really needs language certificate before applying for Marriage Visa or Family Reunion Visa?
A: Again, it all depends on your situation. I have learned from a friend, that when you already have a kid with your German spouse, you do not need the language certificate anymore if you are applying for family reunion visa. For marriage visa, I still have to ask further. However, you lose nothing from attending the language class and taking the exam, at least the Start Deutsch 1. Why? Because even if you opt for the exemption, the Ausländersbehörde in Germany would still require you to take the course anyway. Unless your husband is open to paying the fine for not taking the Integrationskurs. Hence, learning German in Germany would be easier for you, you won't be shocked from the language, because the learning environment in Germany is totally different from the what one may experience in Goethe Institut Manila. I guess, for beginners, it is really helpful when you can ask your classmates using your native language than asking in German.

Q: I have no time to attend the classes in Goethe due to my work. Can I do it on my own?
A: Absolutely! There are lots of websites to go to to learn the German language. Most helpful for me are the following websites:

• http://www.german.about.com
• http://www.busuu.com
• http://www.livemocha.com

There are also lots of videos available in YouTube website for learning german, just use the search box. And of course the Goethe Institut website itself for the sample of Start Deutsch 1 exam. Just take note that only the exam from Goethe is accredited by the embassy, hence, you must only take the exam there and not from any other language schools.

Q: Is it difficult to find job in Germany?

A: If your German is conversational enough, there are lots of Nebenjobs waiting for you. If you want real jobs, you need a bit of patience, because I myself is still in the process of job hunting. Nebenjobs are fine, but in my case, I have to choose wisely which job to take due to my health conditions, I cannot apply in supermarket because I have scoliosis and I am not allowed to lift/ carry heavy boxes, hence, not all nebenjobs fit me.

So, that's it for now. Will post the part two as soon as I got to gather enough questions to answer. Please note that these questions are tailored for my fellow Filipinos. There might be other rules governing other country. It is advisable that you post your own questions in the forum or search for expats in Germany who are also from your country and ask them thru private messages.

Scent of Life

When was the last time that I sat in front of the computer to blog, I cannot remember. I usually blog the last time either on my phone or on hubby's tablet. The last months, rather, years, were a roller coaster ride for me, that my mind is empty. But I guess, things would change this year. I am not sure how or when, but I can smell it in the air.

I woke up early today and sat for quite a while in front of the computer to play some games. Then I decided to start on my daily routine as a wife, but first, I needed the WC. I am not sure what it was, but as I came into the WC, I've noticed that my hubby left the window at the dining area wide open on a winter morning, I smelled something nostalgic. It came from outside, it was that scent that I smelled the first time I stepped my feet on Germany last 2008. I could not incorporate that scent on the melting snow, because when I first came here, that was a warm winter. I am not sure if it came from the Christmas trees, because there's not much of them at Gelnhausen nor in Frankfurt. It cannot be Glühwein or whatever Christmas drinks because I am the only one with open windows in our neighborhood. One thing I thought that could be, it is the Scent of Dreams Coming True. 

Germany is one of my dream country to visit. I first came to know about it in third grade when a newcomer from Cologne went into my school. She told me a lot of interesting stuffs about Germany that I started to dream about it, look at it on Encyclopedia or any other travel books in the library. I asked her to teach me a few German words. I fell in love with it even if I haven't seen it yet. For me, Germany is a Fairy Tale land, where real princesses and princes take a walk on the forests. Where snow is magical. Where fairy godmothers are real. Funny how the nature connived to fulfill this dream of mine. I went to the university as a Chemistry student, a course that I never really wanted but I just got no choice, I have to get into that university no matter what. Little did I know that this course would lead me to getting to Germany. We had German Language in our curriculum. Afterwards, I was hired by different international companies, but funny how Emerson keeps on showing up its ads on me on the newspaper and online. Then came the day that I finally gave in to one of these ads and I got myself in. The next thing I knew, I am walking along the streets of Frankfurt am Main on winter of 2008. In the year 2009, as I came back, I am already cuddling with the love of my life, along the Main river in Kahl. It was a dream come true for me to be in Germany. The One Above gave me even a bonus: to live in the country of my dream.

However, 2011 was a bit confusing for me. After 6 years of working, I experienced the longest unemployment of my life. It was depressing and tiring. I never thought that doing nothing can be more stressful than working. What kept me standing was the waiting for my visa. My hubby told me it won't take that long, I would be with him. I got my visa end of September and I was on my way back to Germany first week of October. It was also not that exciting, to be honest. After 27 years of my life, that would be the longest time I would be away from my family. I went into all crazy, difficult moments of my life from 2011 to 2012: adjustment to a married life, the differing culture between me and my hubby, the language barrier, unemployment, the cold days - not only on winter!, the food, the homesickness. Too much for me to feel, that I thought I am going to die. There were days when I decided to fly back to the Philippines, where employment is a bit easier for me to find. But my love was stronger and kept me stronger and be more patient. Thanks to my hubby who decided to take 2-months-long vacation in the Philippines, because he thinks, that would help me heal. Upon coming back here, I thought it has not changed, all those crazy thoughts are still lurking in my heart and mind. But it changed today. I am not sure what happened, but it just changed, just like that.

I spent my whole day yesterday sending out my resume to different companies. Even if my hubby told me to get back to the university and earn my master's and Ph.D., I've decided to apply at different companies yesterday. Studies is not bad, but with our status, I wanted to be of help. Job is what I need, what I wanted to have. I have this feeling that I am going to meet my new best friend here in Germany in the company I would be working soon. I am excited to meet her that I cannot wait anymore hence for the application. I haven't received any positive feedback yet, nor invitation for an interview. But this scent I smelled this morning, it was a sign, it awakened the hope in me. It brought me back to life. It gave me optimism and motivation. 

That scent that I would never forget because that scent made me believe that dreams do come true.

Being Hospitalized in a Foreign Land

I guess, of all the expats all around the world, I am the only one who has fully integrated myself to the land I chose to migrate, not only on everyday life, but also on not-usual-events such as HOSPITALIZATION.

Staying in the hospital is not something new to me, for I used to be a sickly kid. However, system here in Germany is totally different in my homeland, and I was shocked. The day I was admitted was also not so good because the hospital was full. Hence, even if my sickness was not something too serious (based on the initial findings), I have to stay in a room with patients of stroke. A lot of visitors have their curious eyes on me, why a young woman like me is on this station. We got no choice, the doctors wanted to look at me over time hence I have to stay there. I had to stay there for four days, and I found that a bit depressing.

Back in the Philippines, at least one family member is allowed to stay with you all throughout the time you are confined in the hospital. In that way, when something hurts, or you find it difficult to eat alone, you got your "support group" around. But here, I have to endure 4 long days alone, doing all stuffs by myself. That is not a problem for me, but I feel sorry for the elderly. I got a roommate who is 86 years old.  She can still do stuffs on her own but I feel sorry that she has to stay there all alone, with strangers, when it is already almost sunset of her life. While our visitors come and go all throughout the days, hers did not come, I never got to know her daughter that she always calls. She sits all day until 9 in the evening by the window, wishing and hoping to see her son or daughter's car coming in. I feel sad and can't help not to compare the system to the Philippines. I came into a realization then, that we shall move back to the Philippines before my mom reaches that age. I would ensure that I am there and that she would not have to sit by the window and waiting and waiting.

Anyway, back to the topic, aside from this system, I also witnessed first hand how unmanned the nurses here are. For morning shift, there are around 4 or 5 nurses, including the trainees, but at night, there are only 2 of them. I could not blame though that not a lot of people chooses this profession here. The pay is not that much, and it requires a lot of their energy, physically and emotionally. This situation is not different from the Philippines. I used to have a room mate who was a nurse in a private hospital in the Philippines and she complains about the hard work and less pay they receive, that's why she made sure that she can leave the country and serve in the US. Today, she is indeed in the US with her family, but I have no more idea about the difference between US and Philippines's salary for nurses. I can only speak for Germany, and it is not good. Yes, they are earning euros. Say a Filipina nurse moves here to work, converting the money that she'll earn, that would definitely be more than how much she earns in the Philippines, it can be 5 times more than that. However, the cost of living here in Germany is not cheap. The apartment costs already at least €500 (I am speaking only here in our county), the electricity and water and internet or phone can sum up to around €300 or €400. She still has to eat and for her transportation, either by bus or with own car (on which the gas fluctuates every hour). Hence, the life of a nurse here can be really difficult. This is one of the professions that I believe, should be receiving more than what they are receiving today. They work really hard, the responsibilities that they carry on their shoulders on every shift they take. I wish that the politicians will get to see this reality.

And lastly, as an expat, being hospitalized in a foreign land with a totally different language is really difficult! Luckily, I can understand a lot of things already, though I still stutter when I speak. Imagine your sickness being explained to you in foreign language. The word "nausea" that I am accustomed to since I was a kid suddenly became "Übelkeit." The heart murmur that I have since time immemorial is termed as "Herzschlag." And finally, the simple term of "Vertigo" I usually say when I get this dizziness (or Schwindel) suddenly became "Gleichgewichtsstörung." I was alone in the hospital and speaks with the doctors and nurses about their findings and hearing all these foreign words for the first time. My husband had mixed emotions that time. One side, he is worried, and on the other side, he is proud. He could not believe that I survived it and I was able to communicate with my doctors and understand them completely! I, myself, was surprised with myself. 

I am already home, but my treatment is not yet complete. I still have a pending MRI test due next week, which gives me headache and depression. Everytime I hear MRI and that the brain shall be scanned, I only have one thought in mind: brain tumor. I am so afraid that they will find tumor and then that will be the end of all my dreams. I still have lots of dreams and things that I wanted to accomplish, which I am afraid that one tumor will end it just like that. Like what I've said earlier, I still wanted to take care of my mom during her old days, hence I wanted to live longer than my mom. I am afraid that a tumor will end everything and I shall leave all the people I love alone, nobody to take care for them. I fervently pray that whatever they'll find on my brain would not end all my dreams.

Dream

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” 

― C.S. Lewis

I came across this quote at goodreads.com and it made me think. For days (or better yet, for months), I have no idea what to do with my life here. I feel depressed and hopeless for I felt like I do not have a bright future here, nor a career to add on my name. I have always blogged that I miss the days when I was still working, when I am busy on some other things. But these days, it's all routinary for me: household jobs. I do not regret being a housewife too, I just find it too boring. I want the excitement back in my life. Sometimes, it feels like my mind is no longer working like it used to be. I tend to be so forgetful on lots of things. My husband himself told me it's because I am not used to doing only domestic jobs, since I am used to thinking analytically. One reason why he is suggesting that I go back in the university, in that way, I can put my mind at work again. However, there is this part of me that does not believe on my capabilities. I am afraid, and I always have this voice in my mind that says, "you're too old for that." It disappoints me and makes me lose hope. Until I bumped into this quote by C.S. Lewis, the author of Chronicles of Narnia. He is right. I just need optimism and the strong will. It is never too late for anything. I can achieve whatever I wanted to achieve. With this in mind, I therefore declare, I will go back and study again and do what I really wanted to do.

I will be successful in my own way. I may not be able to work again as a chemist, but the other job that I so wanted to do, I shall have it accomplished. I will not give up and try and try until the last breath in me. Age is only a number, what is important is the will of my heart and how I take each step at a time.

I will succeed and I claim it today.

Ausländers Problem: Finding New Friends

Officially, I am 9 months and five days here in Germany. I admit, I still do not have someone who I can call my "new friend." I still hang out most of the time with my husband. I tried to follow a fellow Expat Blog forumer's advice in order to get going here: to register on various international forums and sites and meet up with people there. I did, I am a member of Expat Blog, InterNations, Philippinen Portal Forum, and Pinay in Deutschland group page on Facebook. I receive lots of meet up invites, especially thru InterNations, but I have not yet gone into one. My husband is totally supportive about this, but it is I who have a problem.

You may wonder whether I have friends back in my homeland. Of course I do, but those people I consider as friends would only sum up to 50 maximum. Contrary to what they say, that Filipinos are friendly people, I admit I am not. These friends of mine, I became friends with them because they never stopped winning me as their friend. They are the ones who first approached me, talked with me, asked me questions. Even if my answers would only consist of about 2 to 5 words, they never stopped until the time we are already comfortable with each other and they already tell me to shut up because I talk too much. That is how I get friends, I just sit at one corner and let time pass me by, allowing people to talk with me. Only the persistent and patient ones became my friends, others are just acquaintances.

I am sitted in a new corner in my new country. I am patiently waiting for new people who would pass by to talk with me. However, they are not Filipinos, they are not as patient and friendly as the people back in my homeland, that's one reason why my husband insists that I stand and walk into the crowd and introduce myself. But I know I cannot do that, else I will faint. I do not have such gift, I am not Miss Congeniality.

I guess I have to endure longer until I find a job. It is because I get to meet new friends when I am at work or at school, but I never get to win friends just around my community, it is because they have totally different interests and they get easily bored on me.

Maybe other foreigners do not experience this same problem I am in right now. But honestly, this is killing me. I do not know what can I do with myself to find new friends. I want to have new friends, but I do not know how to start good conversations and how to trust them. It is just that I had been through a lot and I got traumatized on trusting people because they always end up abusing my kindness and generosity.

I am thankful though that my husband is helping me through all these.

Ausländer's Problem: Language (Sprache)

So I have posted a poem today for my husband for the reason that we got into a fight the night before yesterday. That was also the reason why there was a lot of hatred posts before today, I am sorry, I was carried away by my emotions. Anyway, I am not quite sure if I should write more in German so that he can fully understand my thoughts or just write in the language I am most comfortable:English and Filipino. It is because I still do not have the full confidence to use the German language. The translation I wrote there was purely rough. I am fully aware I got lots of error there. Still, I decided to publish it despite and inspite of errors it contains. I mean, one cannot learn without committing any mistake.

Anyway, I had blogged once that my DTZ exam was near. Today, I am proud to say that I have passed it! I am now certified that I can read, speak and write in B1 level of German! Here is the CEFR (Common European Framework of Reference) description of B1:

Can understand the main points of clear standard input on familiar matters regularly encountered in work, school, leisure, etc. Can deal with most situations likely to arise whilst travelling in an area where the language is spoken. Can produce simple connected text on topics which are familiar or of personal interest. Can describe experiences and events, dreams, hopes & ambitions and briefly give reasons and explanations for opinions and plans.


I know it is still not enough. However, it is enough for me to be able to go on to the next level. B2 classes will start on 3. September and it is only twice a week. That means that B2 will take around 6 months instead of 3 months. Now, the dilemna is, we are flying to the Philippines and will be staying there for 8 weeks! (Yes, we are! ) That means if ever I enroll for the next class, I am going to miss around 14-15 meetings (minus the Christmas break already) which is a lot and is not good for a learner since each day means harder yet important lessons. Therefore, I am thinking that I'd take that class when we get back from our tropical vacation. That also means that I will no longer be classmates with my friends. But it also means that I am going to win new friends.

It is totally different here and adjustment takes time. But I am glad that I am almost halfway there. I can say that I am confident enough to apply on real German jobs, or take Ausbildung. I just hope that these companies would really give me a chance to prove myself to them.

I can finally smell my beautiful future in the Land of Beer and Sausages!

Exported From My Android Memoires Application

16.April 2012 um 23:10 Uhr

Nothing new. Back to school and same old things sa school. Ah, oo nga pala yung mga girls na minsang narinig namin na may discriminating words na sinigaw sa min, they came to talk to us to clear things up. Buti na lang at nag-initiate sila, now we feel a little safer at school.

Tim, my stepson, is sick. Dumugo yung pusod nya. Parang hemorrhoids ang findings at kelangan sya operahan. Kaso ayun, parang ako, may exam din sya, kaya sa 25.May pa sya nagpasched magpaopera. Pero kung ako sya, papaopera ko na agad yun bukas na bukas din. Ayoko nga makakita ng dugo lagi sa katawan ko. Isa yun sa mga bagay na ayoko makita nor mahawakan. Hihimatayin ako, promise. Nung tumawag sila sa kin na nasa hospital sila, kinabahan ako, kala ko si Uwe ang sinugod, at least di naman at buti na lang di ganun kalala yung sakit ni Tim. Thanks be to God pa din. At pagdating ko sa bahay, konting linis at laba at tulog ako ng tanghali. Nagising lang ako nung dumating si Ralf, dala ang papaya ko at mangga!!! Plus corn bits pala... Nakakamiss bigla ang Pinas. Pinanood namin mga pics nya nung swimming nila, ang saya. Nakakamiss ang araw at dagat. Nakakamiss ang summer sa Pinas.

Speaking of exam pala, may trial test uli kami next week. Grabe, di ko namamalayan, 2 weeks and 4 days na lang pala at tapos na ang B1 tapos Politics na. At then DTZ exam na. Nakakakaba at nakakaexcite (auf Deutsch, AUFGEREGT)! Sana makapasa ako with flying colors. Kasi gusto ko na din magwork. Two classmates of mine have Vorstellungsgespräch this week, nakakainggit. Sana ako din. Kahit yung Alessa ang tumawag, payag nako, ggrab ko na talaga yun, basta in line pa din sa Chemistry. Sayang naman talaga ang pinag-aralan ko ng 4 years if pagdating dito eh talagang magsstart ako from scratch. I rather start sa isang papel na may isang guhit na. Familiar naman ako sa guhit na yun eh, at from there saka ako magddrawing ng mas maganda at mas madaming figures. Sana talaga pagbigyan ako ni Lord. Sana makapagwork na ko as Ausbilderin as Chemikantin or Chemielaborantin. Promise ko pagbubutihan ko yun at magiging successful ako sa field ng Chemistry dito sa Germany. Dala ko din ata pangalan ng UST at Canossa kaya kelangan magawa ko silang proud in small ways. I got lots of big dreams that I wish will come true. Pero sabi nga nila, to see these dreams come true, one must wake up. I am little by little waking up from my 10 months sleep. Kumbaga, tapos na ang hibernation period, time to wake up and watch spring come to life. Sana lang, as Summer comes, kasing liwanag at init na din ang katuparan ng mga pangarap ko.

Pero sa ngayon, tutulog na ko para mas madami pa akong panaginip na mabuo. Good night Deutschland! Good morning Philippines!

Starting Anew Is Not That Easy

I thought I was ready when I decided to apply for visa to be with my husband, but I thought wrong. Three months living here seems to be soooo long for me. I miss a lot of things am used to doing way back in the Philippines, and one of which is... WORKING.

I have been unemployed for 9 months now, longest I have no job since I finished my university degree. Though I worked for a freelance writing job for three months from my nine months and one month used for wedding preparation and wedding itself. So basically, it's really 5 months doing totally nothing.

I miss working, that's for real. Sometimes, I am thinking about going back to the Philippines and get back to my old life. But I know I shouldn't. My husband don't mind it at all, he said whatever I want, he'll support me all the way. But I won't do that. We had fought two straight years away from each other, and now that we are married, it is just not right to turn my back just because my life is not turning out the way I want it to be here in Germany. I definitely won't do that. I will stay here and take one step at a time. I know it will take longer time before I can establish myself here, my life and my career.

Starting anew as a foreigner is so tiring at times. But I just have to look forward and think positively. With my husband with me, I know this journey and hardship would all be worth it.

*Sorry, am just so emotional these past few days... Then I saw this advertisement about a training opportunity at Heraeus, and it made me feel more eager to get a job. But first, I need to go back to my Sprachkurs and pass the exams.*