Life Goes On

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.”  ―  C.S. Lewis I came across this quote at goodreads.com and it made me think. For days (or better yet, for months), I have no idea what to do with my life here. I feel depressed and hopeless for I felt like I do not have a bright future here, nor a career to add on my name. I have always blogged that I miss the days when I was still working, when I am busy on some other things. But these days, it's all routinary for me: household jobs. I do not regret being a housewife too, I just find it too boring. I want the excitement back in my life. Sometimes, it feels like my mind is no longer working like it used to be. I tend to be so forgetful on lots of things. My husband himself told me it's because I am not used to doing only domestic jobs, since I am used to thinking analytically. One reason why he is suggesting that I go back in the university, in that way, I can put my mind at work again. However, there...

Since somebody explained it far better than I, I will just quote her here. “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master...” ― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love

My cousin once mentioned to me that she believes in soulmates. She believes that soulmates does not have to end together in marriage. Though some are lucky enough to marry their soulmates, some finds their soulmates as their "the one who got away" or sometimes they are disguised as a best friend or simply a friend. I laughed at her idea but she strongly believes that I, myself, have a soulmate. It is just so funny that she thought my soul mate is my childhood lover turned best friend. I simply agreed on her just to shut her up and make her forget about it. Then I realized, she is somewhat right. We all have our soulmates. I am not exempted to it. But she got it wrong on who my supposed to be soulmate is. I believe my soulmate is my "the one who got away." I believe he is due to some reasons such as: 1) when I had problem with my ex-boyfriend, he was the only guy who gave his shoulder to cry on. 2) even if we did not have a good past, he ensured that we are going t...

A friend called to ask for apology for the past that did not go well for the two of us. It feels so good to finally find the freedom from anger and pain. Although I have already forgiven him long before he asked for it, it still feels good that he himself acknowledges what he had done in the past. Now that we are on totally different ways, I wish nothing but his own happiness. Despite all the pain and the tears he caused me in the past, he still deserve a life of bliss and love. I've already forgotten all those painful memories, long before I forgave him in my heart. But I guess he is right, whatever it is in the past shall forever be inked in our hearts. Just like tattoos. Even if I try to erase those memories, they'd leave a scar that shall guide me in life. He and I are part of a history, and that history has already been written and completed. I could no longer delete his character because that will change the course of events. He may have hurt me in the past, but if not ...

Few days ago, I had a talk with my mom. She asked me the usual stuffs we talk about when we chat: how I and my husband are, what is the weather here, the weather in the Philippines, my dear dog and our upcoming vacation. Then I told her I have to cut our chat time short because there are lots of stuff I have to do since we were out of town for three days. Then came this old talks that I am not sure whether I would be grateful of or would piss me off. Mom: I bet you got lots of clothes to wash. Me: Yes, and I have to clean the house too. Mom: Don't force yourself to finish everything today. That is one of my worries here. Me: Mom, you have nothing to worry here. First of all, I just have to dump the clothes in the machine and wait for it. Secondly, the apartment is not too big that I'd tire myself to death. I think it'll only take me 30 minutes cleaning up. Mom: When yo start working and I am already there, everything would be easier for you again just like when you wer...

It's August and till now I still do not have a concrete idea what to do with my life here. Soon it would be my first year here in the Land of Beer and Sausages and all I got to accomplish is my completion of integration course by passing the language exam for migrants with a B1 level rating and the political overview exam with only one failure. One may say, those are great accomplishments, why this whining? Well, first of all, this language test for migrants is just half higher than my last Goethe Institut exam that I passed, hence it is just like I repeated my Start Deutsch 2 exam and perfected it this time instead of mere 92 grade. Now I understand why the adviser at the school was a bit hesitant on giving me Module 5 to start at, because my last Goethe certificate eligibles me to a higher module but then, the foreign office required me to complete the Module 5-6 at the VHS. It was still the best thing anyway, because I got to improve my listening and speaking skills, the worst f...