Life Goes On

When I was in fourth grade, I joined an art club just because my friend is there. My friend is really a talented one, she already paints that time, and I? I am a wannabe artist... up to this time. I thought if I join the club, I would learn the techniques as well and be like my friend. I had always admire her sketches and paintings. Little did I know, it was a club of real talented youth: everyone, except I, can at least draw, if not paint. But I never felt left out, though I belittled myself. The other members taught me their skills. The adviser treated me like just anybody else. I had fun, but I left the club after a year. It is because I thought to myself, "get real girl! You aren't an artist. You don't belong there." Now the club adviser is also our art teacher. She asked me the following year why I left the club. I told her the truth, I don't think I belong. She asked me who told me that and I said, I just think so. She shook her head and said, "the ...

Last weekend, I had my depression once again and this time told my husband we should file a divorce because it is too much for him and I want him happiness. He stared at me and said, "we'd talk about it when you're in normal state again." I insisted that I am in normal state, that I already thought of packing ny things up, and fly back to the Philippines and never come back again. Hat time, I felt like a burden for him because of ny sickness that I wanted him to search for his real happiness. His answer was simply, "but you are my happiness." And I just cried. In this era, I guess finding a man like my husband is next to impossible. A man who stays firm to his words when he married you. A man who despite the challenges, would never ever give up on you. A man whoremains rational when you start to be irrational. A man who doesn't get mad when you are mad, instead tries to find a way to bring you to laughter despite the anger you are showing. A man who will...

Funny that I deleted my personal blog last year (cywussow.wordpress.com) out of frustration and depression. By the time that my health went down really fast, that I had to give up my studies and spend most of my days in the hospital, I thought "this is the end, I have to slowly shut down my cyberlife so that husband doesn't have anything to worry when I am gone." And so I started deleting Facebook accounts, WordPress and Tumblr blogs, LinkedIn account and multiple email addresses. I already accepted my fate, I already gave up. The only accounts that remained were my email address linked to my university email, the group blog for Filipinos living/ wanting to live in Germany and my Twitter. But my husband is the most optimistic person I've ever met. Without him, I may have succumbed completely to depression, if not because of my rare disease. He told me to continue fighting, and that I should not give up because he is never going to give up. Honestly, I challenged him f...

Note: I will be posting in Taglish (Tagalog-English) because I really want to pour my emotions out. Kahit na puno ng positivity ang last post ko, at puno ng hope ang bawat tulang sinulat ko, aaminin ko, mas madami ang depression moments ko mula nang malaman kong may aneurysm ako. First, andun yung takot ko noon, takot na hindi ko malalampasan yung operasyon, takot na yun na ang katapusan. Ang dami kong luhang iniiyak, kasi hindi pa ako handa. Hindi ako handang iwanan ang mga mahal ko sa buhay. Aaminin ko, ilang beses, at hanggang ngayon, paulit ulit kong tinatanong, "bakit ako?". Why me, of all people in the world. I know I am not the nicest person on earth, pero hindi din naman siguro ako ang pinakamakasalanan. After nung first operation ko, labas-masok ako sa hospital dahil sa complications, at promise, sumuko na ko. Ayoko na, hirap na hirap na ako sa sakit, sa hindi maipaliwanag ng agham na pinagmumulan ng lahat nung sakit. Okay ang CT-scans, pero laging may masakit. Tatl...

PHILIPPINES: still searching for Marfan Foundations (comments are highly appreciated!) but you can go to Philippine Heart Center in Quezon City to get checked at an affordable price compared to St. Luke's. GERMANY: Marfan Hilfe: www.marfan.de (the following hospitals and clinics are from the Marfan Hilfe website) Städt. Krankenhaus Dresden-Neustadt e.V. Industriestraße 40 01129 Dresden Telefon: 0351 / 8 56 0 (Kinder u. Jugendliche bis 17 Jahren) zusammen mit: Herzzentrum Universität Leipzig Klinik f. Herzchirurgie Strumpellstr. 39 04289 Leipzig Terminvereinbarung: 0341 / 865 - 1421 Sprechstunde: 7.00 - 19.00 Uhr Ansprechpartner: Prof. Dr. med. F. W. Mohr Deutsches Herzzentrum Berlin u. Charité Augustenburger Platz 1 13353 Berlin Tel.: 030 / 4593 - 2320 Ansprechpartner. Fr. P. Gehle marfan@dhzb.de Universitäres Herzzentrum Hamburg GmbH Kardiologische Zentralambulanz Gebäude O 70 Martinistraße 52 20246 Hamburg Terminvereinbarung: Erwachsene: Tel. 040-74105-3990 Kinder: Tel. 040-741...

First of all, I wanted you to understand what is Marfan syndrome. I would just like to quote completely the definition from Marfan Organisation website: Marfan syndrome is a genetic disorder that affects our body's connective tissues . Connective tissue holds all the body’s cells, organs and tissue together. It also plays an important role in helping the body grow and develop properly. Connective tissue is made up of proteins. The protein that plays a role in Marfan syndrome is called fibrillin-1 . Marfan syndrome is caused by a defect (or mutation) in the gene that tells the body how to make fibrillin-1. This mutation results in an increase in a protein called transforming growth factor beta, or TGF-β. The increase in TGF-β causes problems in connective tissues throughout the body, which in turn creates the features and medical problems associated with Marfan syndrome and some related disorders. Because connective tissue is found throughout the body, Marfan syndrome can affect ...

Life is life, It is simply what it is, Not what you want it to be. Life will be life, It will go on Even if you ask it to stay. Shit will happen, Time will pass by, Life will not wait No matter how hard you beg. No matter how you want It to change, it will not, For it is what it is, Since time immemorial, And will forever be that What life believes it is. Go with the flow, That's all you can do, Fearlessly face life In all its uncertainty And at the end, you'll see Life isn't bad for you and me, Life has already been written Lone before we came, It is a book of surprises Events of good and bad await, There's no chance to change The story, it is already done. Just continue reading Continue living, Acceptance is the key, Enjoy, live, love For life is life And it will forever be.

I used to live My life as if I'm gonna stay forever; No plans, no goals, No clear future. A happy-go-lucky girl A one-day-millionaire Until it hit me one day That forever's a lie, For one day, I will die. Fear took over, And I started to dream, Asked a lot of what-if's And started to live my dream. Days seem too short, And found myself on knees, Begging the One Above, To grant me at least ten more years.

One tiny information you share, And it's there forever to stay. A piece of your mind is gone, It is now a bit of this web world. You see it as a friend, But is it really so? When without you knowing it, It steals your time and soul. Be careful then with what you say, For it has eyes and ears over all, It can make your life miserable, Without a place to run nor go.

It's okay to be different, We are uniquely created anyway; It's okay to be crazy, And be happy and gay; Life isn't about being perfect, It is about enjoying each day.