journey

Art Of Letting Go

my dear lola

surprise! a lot heard me saying that me and my lola aren't in good terms...as in away lagi sa small stuffs...well, when she visited me here sa apartment, i just gave her back what is due to her,since magbbirthday na din sya,pero syempre sa malapit lang kasi wala pa sweldo at mabagal kumilos lola ko,mabbwisit lang ako...where else,eh di sa market market lang kami...o di ba,parang bata, naaliw sa fountain at sa elephant at lions..nilapitan pa ang lion..hehehehe..

well,even though we don't go along well, she's still my lola...i love her despite her freaking attitude..hahaha!

galit ako sa mga di nagva-value ng time

no, i'm not talking about my lovelife...i'm referring to my work load! yes! as in my work, as in it's already getting to my nerves!!!

last night, i left 12midnight..as in MIDNIGHT! and i haven't taken my dinner yet that time! then here it is again today...7:40pm and i'm still here, waiting for my samples which, if they responded immediately to my instructions 2 hours earlier, we're done by now...

i know, it's not the operation's fault that the production request was late, it's the sales department who never give strict deadlines to the customers so that we could have ample time to produce their products...but still, even if the request was late, damn!i gave the final instruction 2 hours ago which should only take me an hour to have all the final samples analyzed and refilled..but what did they do?hay...i dunno! i went outside an hour and half ago to check what happened with my instructions, and surprise!!!

"di pa namin nalalagay eh, ngayon pa lang.."

"huh?can you repeat that?kalahating oras ako na naghihintay sa lab,nagtiwala na ginawa nyo na ang instructions ko,at supposedly, may sample na ko ngayon,pero wala pang sample kasi, DI NYO PA NALALAGAY?!?"...

"natalsikan pa nga ako ng sulfuric eh..."

"well, kasalanan ko?eh di ka nagsusuot ng safety gears mo eh!?!?kung masunog ang balat mo dahil dyan sa sulfuric,di ako maaawa sa yo, gagawa pa ko ng safety report na magllead sa suspension mo...second time na toh ah,nasuspend ka na before,di ka pa nadala?"

 

ayan! yan ang transcription ng galit ko kanina... tas eto ang bago..busy sila magtransfer ng kung ano ano at ang final products ko, nakatengga sa tanke,wala pa nasisimulan..damn you guys! wala ba kayong pamilya na naghihintay ng pag-uwi nyo ng maaga para makapagbonding kayo before kayo matulog?ako nga nanay ko lang ang naghihintay sa kin pero i'm too excited to share with her whatever happened here at work...

tumawag na boss ko,pinapauwi na ko...kaso baka nga naman may kelangan pa ko iadjust sa formulation ko kaya sabi ko papakamartir na lang ulit ako tonight...

ewan ko ba,yumayaman ata ang operations sa mga overtime pay nila, samantalang ako, GOBYERNO lang ang yumayaman sa overtime pay ko...

sana naman marunong sila mag-value ng time..every second is paid, and every second counts,maawa sana sila sa company, eto nga't doing its best para mag-stay sa industry amidst all the competition and the increasing power of peso...wag na lang sila maawa sa kin...sa company na lang, yung binabayad sa overtime ko at overtime nila,di sana maiidagdag na sa investment ng company or naibili na ng additional raw materials para etong mga r & d products eh di lang namin sa lab nagagawa,kundi mai-large scale na at magawa ng pera...

kaso they just don't know how to value time and save a lot for the future...pinapayaman lang nila lalo ang mga kurakot sa gobyerno...

buti sana kung ang tax eh nahahatian ang industry namin ng science and technology,kaso hindi eh...

 

hay...sana mabigyan ako ng chance na maging direct supervisor ng mga pasaway na toh,tuturuan ko talga sila ng leksyon!

 

<<sensya na,puyat,pagod at gutom lang...>>

a sign at my back...

i received this message from my colleague/ friend from peoplesupport, irish, way way back ..

"sometimes, i wonder if i have a sign taped at my back that says BREAK MY HEART..."

when i received it, i thought it was just a simple thought..then a month passed by and while i was scanning through my messages, it suddenly occurred to me that, "hey, this is me!this is exactly what's been happening to me ever since i've learned to love..."

too many times, i fell in love...too many times i believed in the magic of love...

..love conquers all...

..love is the most wonderful thing...

and a lot of things like that...

i fell in and out of love before,and i was never afraid to love again..i was hurt, but still i managed to get up..

but now, i could not understand, why, now that i've grew up and been through a lot of things in this world, when i have told myself, i'm ready for the real one...the one that i meant to keep for the rest of my life...the one i've swore to love till the end, is the same one that will betray and dump me off...

maybe, i'm one of those who have no luck in love...i'm someone who do have a sign taped at my back..not just taped, but tattooed on my skin..someone cursed never to be happy in terms of love...

moving on is the only option handed to me by fate...moving on that for some means going forward,leaving the past behind...but for someone who's been hurt too much, like me, moving on is merely about getting used to the pain, crying as a form of a habit, and smiling full of pretensions...that's moving on for me...getting NUMB for the rest of my life..it is because forgetting the love that ones made you very happy and optimistic about the future isn't that easy to forget...it is far different from learning your first ABC's or learning your lessons at school...for that one great love that i've hugged so tightly and built my future with is one of a kind...one good reason why i'm still breathing...and one damn reason why i kept on crying...

even if someone new will come, as the cliche goes, i know, i will not be able to love him the same way i did loved the one before him...and i know, one way or another, this tattoo that i have will forever haunt my life to my last breath at different forms and of differing reasons...

a sign that i will forever endure...