Showing posts with label thinking out loud. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thinking out loud. Show all posts

Friday, May 28, 2021

Inconsistency

Naiinis ako sa sarili ko sa totoo lang. Napaka-inconsistent ng productivity ko. I think last week yung feeling na I can write anything and everything, I was able to submit two poems sa two separate poetry contest dito sa Germany, yung isa approved na for publication, yung isa on review pa din. Tapos this week wala akong gustong gawin kundi matulog. Pati magtrabaho tamad na tamad ako. Thanks to some beta tests at least nakapagwork ako ng konti for this week. Imagine, Friday na bukas peri ang haba pa din ng nasa weekly to-do list ko.

Haaay... Ever since I was diagnosed with aortic disease nung 2015, ganito na ko, ang tamad tamad ko ng mabuhay. Puro tulog na lang ako. Masaya na ko kapaga nakapaglaba at nakapagvacuum ako ng bahay in a week, isang himala na pag ako ang nagluto ng lunch at dinner namin.

I want to be back to my old self. I want to be more productive again. Kaso paano?!?!

Saturday, September 12, 2020

Living in Time of CoViD-19

Today I ranted sa FB page ng Pinays in Germany. Then now I realized, medyo mainit din ulo ko nga kanina. Maybe na-trigger din lang si Kuya kasi nakuha ko pang magpost about Wanderlust Weekend sa panahon ng pandemic kaya maybe kaya nya naisip, mayayaman ang mga nasa Germany. But still, I don't know why such stereotype, na porke carry magtravel, mayaman na? And again, it doesn't give him the right to use F-word sa comment nya and murahin ang Germans in general, for what reason? He said sa comment for being rude and irresponsible, but sa direct message, he mentioned for not being responsive agad just because he is poor and needs help. Di ko nagets ang logic, nakakainit lang ng ulo, hence the rant. I mean, it is okay to ask for help pero bakit ganun ang dating nya, parang kasalanan ng mga taga-Germany bakit may mahihirap, at parang obligasyon ng grupo namin na sagutin agad ang mga messages. Our group is not a charity organization, I started the blog simply as hobby.

Let me explain it here again how unfair these stereotypes towards people living in Germany are. Not because Germany is a first-world country eh automatic mayayaman na lahat ng nakatira dito. Wrong. People must work to be able to eat and afford a place to live. People earn euros, yes malaki palit nito to Philippines pesos, but take note, WE SPEND IN EUROS TOO. So ang kinikita namin, parang sa Pinas din lang at regular kang empleyado, sapat lang sa pang-araw araw na pangangailangan. So saan nanggagaling ang paniniwala na mayayaman ang mga nakatira sa Germany? I still cannot understand where this comes from. Just like in any other countries, we also have beggars, homeless, orphans, families living in homes without heater, old people collecting trash just so they can exchange it for cash and be able to do groceries. Just like any other countries, Germany has also its own sets of issues to face before and during this time of pandemic. I guess, it would be quite helpful to post as well, how Germany handles the pandemic, reasons kung bakit we can still live a near-normal life despite the pandemic. It has nothing to do with being mayaman kaya we can afford to travel locally.

What I've observed on how Germany handles this pandemic:

  • There is strict rule of wearing masks when entering establishments and riding public transportation. You're free to remove mask if you are in the open, but make sure you wear one if you know you'd be in direct contact with other people. That's why medyo kinakilabutan ako now sa pinapanood ko na soccer game (DFB Pokal), the coach is not wearing mask and then started discussing with the side referee, yung naiimagine ko he is shouting, and super lapit nya sa referee. I can imagine the droplets flying. I know they are not positive of the virus, but still the fact, na baka on the way to stadium ay baka may unknown contact sila, which makes them unknown carrier and then they start throwing droplets to each other while discussing.
  • Business as usual. But establishments are required to strictly follow safety measures, some of which are:
    • Restaurants: Servers wearing face shield. Tables, chairs and floors are regularly disinfected. There is a must to consolidate guest information, i.e. name, address and contact number, so it would be easy for contact tracing in case something happens during that visit (for example, one employee tested positive for that day).
    • Shops: Customers must wear masks and observe social distancing. In some stores, they distribute chips at the entrance, if there are no more chips available, then they already have reached the limit for number of customers inside and you must wait until somebody comes out again and return the chip. The chip is of course regularly disinfected.
    • Hotels: Same rules with restaurant applies. There is also hand disinfectant by the door, so you are expected to disinfect yourself first before going inside.
  • Some offices are in full operation. Some have half of their employees on home office, but most are already business as usual. Regular disinfection in the office is expected though and transparency, meaning if you are feeling sick, then don't go to office. If tested positive, then inform the company immediately. Bawal sinungaling.
  • I am not quite sure with churches as I am no longer a regular church-goer here. But when I was in Cologne, there was no mass, but I get to see the priests roaming around the cathedral and welcoming the guests. One priest even played the organ for us. The seats are also marked, in one church bench, two ends lang allowed may umupo and then one bench in front and behind you are empty. The entrance and exit doors are also marked, kaya kahit tired na ko maglakad, I was forced to see the whole cathedral because I cannot use the same door I went in to go out. I needed to walk the whole cathedral and follow the rope towards exit.
  • Schools are in mixed virtual and physical attendance.
  • Vacations are encouraged to be only within Germany. Those who will travel outside of Germany, esp. those who went to high risk countries, are required to subject themselves to swab test upon arrival and it is at their own costs. Failure to do so means paying fine of €25,000.00! 
  • People losing their jobs due to this pandemic receive social help. But it is not a social help like ayuda in Philippines. That money, called Arbeitslosengeld, was already paid by the person before. It is part of the many salary deductions we have. Freelancing is also a thing nowadays, a little project from time to time can also be a big help financially.
  • People in contact with a positive patient but no symptoms are advised to do home quarantine, no test. If with symptoms, then they will be tested. If symptoms are worsened, i.e. problem with breathing, then time to go to the hospital. You see, wala din talagang mass testing na nagaganap, we just rely and hope that an individual is sensitive and disciplined enough na wag lumabas ng bahay if they think they had direct contact. 

As you can see. New normal is doable. Kailangan lang ng disiplina at matutong dumiskarte at makuntento sa kung anong meron. If the government is not initiating anything, maybe about time to make it as people's initiative, for the good of all people. Pointing fingers will not help in this time of pandemic. 

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Help Me Find My Way

I am quite ashamed of myself. I recently found a job that is, I think, fits well with my lifestyle. Being seriously sick for the past years, even in artificial coma for almost a month, it is difficult for me to travel to work nor to work fulltime. Hence, I accepted more freelancing projects over Upwork and German language tutorials… type of work that I can do in the comforts of our home. However, we came to a point when we need more financially, and I found a non-voice-work-from-home customer service/ technical support job. I accepted it despite the contra that it is a fulltime job (I am not really sure if I am really ready for a fulltime, actually). The job itself is fun, but I am reminded why I left the call center world 13 years ago: the company demands make me crazy, not the customers. I enjoy being of help to customers, but I am having difficulty adhering to what the company expects from agents, especially the stats. And now, here I am, torn between resigning and staying.

It is not only the pressure with the statistics that makes me uneasy the past few days. It is more the fact that, I am aging, yet I don’t know what I really want to achieve in life. I am 36 and yet, I achieved nothing. It is always the same: I get to find a job and realize after a few months that it is not for me, that I am unhappy, so I set off again to find a new job and everything repeats. I don’t feel confident to meet my high school and university mates because they all have achieved something, one way or another, while here I am, still asking the same question I was asked when I was 18: what do I want to be?

I am 36 and yet I don’t know what I really want to do for the rest of my life. I feel so lost and don’t know where nor how to start. My husband kept on saying that my triumph over my aortic aneurysm and aortic dissection (reasons why I was in artificial coma) is such a great achievement already for I have lost a few acquaintances back in the Philippines for exactly the same sickness: aneurysm. However, I still don’t know why I survived it and why am I given a second chance to life. I feel so lost and I don’t know what I really want to do in my life. How I wish life comes with a manual, or that at least the directions are clearly written up there in the clouds. So I will know how to start and where to go.