Life Goes On

This Christmas has been a memorable one, a day with my family that I would never forget. And the celebration did not just end in one day, moreso, the recently concluded family reunion was a blast! We didn't expect that there would be a lot to attend this year, we, as the organizers, are so glad that many now includes the reunion as part of their Christmas tradition, that even if relatives from Calamba is literally living so far, they attended the party and they were complete. Too bad, I'm the one assigned in the gifts and raffle prizes, I was not able to get pics, but I know Ate Baby got better pics. Now, everyone in the family is looking forward to our annual reunion, including me!

Am here in the PI, back to my homeland..BUT! Half of me is not home,literally and figuratively... My luggage is currently sleeping at AMSTERDAM, while am back to my own room... My things doesn't want to leave Europe behind! Well, so is my heart... Even if it was a short while, I am so in love with Germany, and it's people... But I still hope my things would go home tomorrow!

I think I was about to cry when Herr Nimpsch opened the breakfast box... A cake and kreppel (but I called it donut when "Schnappi" bought some two days ago)! They are just so sweet... I will surely miss them when I get back to the Philippines... Speaking of going home, our flight is tomorrow na, and I am excited as well...

Para sa araw na ito, iba ang trainer ko na engineer, (kaya iba din ang language ko sa blog na ito). "You kennst Haxen?" tanong nya in mixed German-English,

So, the support team of i.ph responded to me quick, and now gave me the reason why it's acting that way for weeks now, my current IE is no longer supported. Ang jologs talga ng Emerson, IE5.0 pa din kahit super updated na ang IE, and worse, there are better browsers out there (am talking about Opera, Firefox and Google Chrome), browsers that would never give you a headache, and could help you upload or download faster! Enough said, am not paid by them, it's free advertisement. Also, I played around and logged in to FS again this morning. I was laughing, when I saw tons of messages on my inbox, and a lot of bulletin boards (luckily no comments!), all containing the same contents that made me hate them that much. Most of my friends posted bulletin saying to ignore those stuff, well, yeah, we know it since forever, that it's FS system doing the bitching around. One of my friends also said that he will leave FS too! Well, I challenge him to do it NOW, like what I did. Then, one...

We will be flying home this Saturday. I am both excited and sad... There are a lot of things on my mind. I do miss my family, especially my mom. I miss my friends, especially those that I have planned to meet before I left for training, and our dates were always cancelled due to unwanted weather. I miss the warmth of the city, and the feeling of Christmas in the Philippines. But at the same time, I feel like I don't want to go home, yet. Well, one reason is, as discussed with Ody one dinner night at Triangulum Restaurant, all the questions awaiting me in the Philippines. Questions that usually pops out of nowhere during family reunion, and other Christmas parties. Questions like: 1) How's life? How's LOVElife ? 2) How's work? Do you have new BF now?  3) Who's your boyfriend nowadays? 4) Why no new BF till this time? 5) Why are you not with your boyfriend? Those are just example of the introductory questions. I tell you, even if I answer those with these: 1) ...

Rating: ★★★★★ Category: Books Genre: Literature & Fiction Author: Jodi Picoult "This is from the back of the book: "Anna is not sick, but she might as well be. By age thirteen, she has undergone countless surgeries, transfusions, and shots so that her older sister Kate can somehow fight leukemia that has plagued her since childhood. The product of preimplantation genetic diagnosis (PGD), Anna was conceived as a bone marrow match for Kate-a life role that she has never challenged . . . until now. Like most teenagers, Anna is beginning to question who she truly is. But unlike most teenagers, she has always been defined in terms of her sister-and so Anna makes a decision that for most would be unthinkable, a decision that will tear her family apart and have perhaps fatal consequences for her sister she loves."" I have finished reading this months ago, but still, I am not over with its story. I am still reacting like Jodi's son "why should it end that way?...

Every start of the week, I have a ticket waiting at the IT table. Last time was not my fault, but this time, I admit, it's my fault. It is because I want to have my battery life longer, I changed DCP settings, and well, I clicked on the security options too! After an afternoon with our boss, when I got home to upload his video here, my notebook was asking for system or admin password already! Huhuhu... Now I am blogging from the hotel's desktop. And tomorrow, for sure, patay ako kay Herr Wolf...

I am cleaning out my cyberworlds, and checking on my bloglists here, when I get to find this draft with the title: www.me ? I checked the content, all that was written was: " www.me ? stands for what's-wrong-with" and nothing more. I tried to search the web if there is a website www.me and maybe I could remember what I was about to say that time (I guess that was drafted when I was still with Hitachi), but I had no luck. No website as such, and if I type in what www stands for, it directs me to Psychological help websites of knowing certain diseases. Well, I'm pretty sure I did not mean that way, about diseases or anything. Now, the question is, what could I have meant that time? I wish I can still remember it. But it don't matter anyway, I deleted that draft already. :D

I don't need to choose which cyber world should I keep, or something. They are starting to get away from me by themselves. First, having FS pissing me off made me decide to move all my pics to Multiply and my direct my friends to use Multiply and Facebook. Then, I tried to log into my i.ph blog to share some sentiments and everything, but I can't. I tried to log on my Deutsch blog, and also the same, I can't log in. So, I decided to stick with my blogspot account, FOR GOOD. So, as an update, you can OFFICIAL find me on three cyberspaces from now on: http://lirycanne.multiply.com http://www.facebook.com http://angelcyanne14.blogspot.com See yah on my new worlds...

I have decided to leave Friendster behind, despite the number of friends I got there, which ranges from first grade years to present. Well, it's a good decision anyway, for I also got "friends" there, which, I am not sure if I really know them in real life. Some lives on the same town I lived for ten years, some went to same schools and university I went to, but their names doesn't ring a bell to me. I admit, maybe some of my friends there doesn't know me as well, but maybe they've just forgotten me, as for me, I know them, and for once, they became my friends. If FS would ask me reasons why I am moving out of their system, I guess these are the reasons I am about to give them: 1. Your system maintenance ALWAYS affects my page, deleting some friends, and adding people I don't know I have on my list before. This is true, the first hit on me was when they deleted my customized layout, the very first layout I was able to make on my own, was deleted just like ...

I hate and like this day... I've been so pissed off since this morning... I have posted much about it in the ust.net.ph forum, I don't want to go into details again... Then, my colleague e-mailed me about my baby kringle, and his code is "Karinyo Brutal." Then, I asked about the wishlist that guy posted on our bulletin board at Manila. Here's what his wish is: 1 year subscription of Funny Komiks!!! Whoever he is, I'll kill him when I get back to Manila!!! He pissed me off even more!!! I will kill Karinyo Brutal when I get home!!! Grrr... Birthday pa naman ni Harlene, at ganito ako... Kainis talga...   Anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARLENE !!!    Good thing, the WiFi here at the hotel did not added up to the reasons why I am pissed off, last night it was out, good thing it's back today...

There are a lot of photos taken at Frankfurt, with Ody and the latest one was with Jenah last Sunday, but I just uploaded these pictures that I like best... Mostly are Frankfurt by night... ;)

Not only because I wanna see my family... But more so because I can't stand being with that person any longer... I need a break... I wonder if Ody feels the same about that person too...

In two weeks' time, I will be back to the PI... Back to the warm weather, back to busy streets of Manila, back to my real world... I'm feeling indifferent and at the same time excited... I miss my family, I miss my friends... I'm sad I am gonna miss the Paskuhan as well... A lot of things that I miss back home... But I am also at home here at Hessen... Yes, I am brown, I am Asian, but they don't care about that, they accepted us... THEY LIKE US... And I am going to miss them as well...

I deleted some widgets off my page. Why? Wala lang, it's just some kinda crowded with all those widgets around my page, which I don't use anyway. Now, it's back to its old self, except of course for the theme that I really love, plain, dark, gloomy, yet speaks about me directly. I hope this cleaning up would help me clean up my own too. I'll be back to Philippines in few weeks, I hope that I could live up my life back there according to what I had contemplated and planned while I was here for training. Enough said, I don't want to go into details, I might eat up my words again.

This day is totally crazy! Here's what happened today: 1. It's raining the whole day, not snow this time, but just rain. 2. I have dysmenorrhea, so I was not able to eat my breakfast, I was nauseating the whole morning, bad start of the day. 3. The manager was out of the office, without notice (AWOL kumbaga, hahahaha!This marked the start of a very good day, despite the dysmenorrhea.). 4. We didn't ordered ahead at the cafeteria so we had to eat our lunch outside the office (and it took us an hour and half outside again). 5. After lunch, my trainer, Helmut, said I can buy off my time, go back to production anytime I feel going back (I thought, what?!? we went out too long, and you're allowing me to do nothing?) but I felt guilty so I went back at quarter before 2pm. 6. We were telling jokes and stories for half an hour. 7. Worked on the customer's software revision for an hour. 8. Had some coffee for 30 minutes (only Helmut and Uwe, I was just busy chatting ...

Hotel internet connection is a freak... When Ody was here, it was down all the time, actually, it started Tuesday last week... And now, it's up and running again... It's good it's back, however, I feel somewhat bad because I did boast them to Ody, but when she got here, there was not WiFi in my room... Oh well, that's life... I am sleepy, but I haven't eaten my dinner yet. Now that Ody is gone, I'm back to take out and noodles dinner, my friend and colleague, Jenah, is too afraid to go out in the cold. It's true, it's cold, but I don't wanna die hungry as well... I'm back to venturing Gelnhausen on my own at night to find a place to eat... I am sleepy, yet here I am, blogging... I have been itching to blog for a week now, and since the WiFi is down, I was not able to do that, and I don't do this in the office as well, I am serious with my work there, I enjoy the company of male engineers there, I am their princess and Melanie is the queen, ha...

I think I can now die, I got to do some things I want to do first. Top of my list is, be able to step the land of Germany, and well, currently, I am stepping on it... I got a good job, not that rewarding monetarily, but still, I know, I belong... I had a boyfriend before, which did not work, but that's fine, at least, I did had a boyfriend even once... I got to see a snow, yeah, too shallow, but that's simply one great way of rewarding myself... I got to witness a sunset even if it snows, and I got to see sunset and sunrise here in Germany...I got the role in Cenakulo, which Alan said would be impossible before... Basic things that completes my bucket list is almost done, and even if there are things left undone, I don't care, I am ready now... I can now die...

The snow started to fall already, but it's what they call a wet one, mixture of rain and ice. Here around the hotel, one wouldn't notice it, unless it starts to build up on the car's roof. It's because it melts here easily because of the river beside us, they said it's warmer here (huh?-3 deg is warm!). So Gertrud, our plant manager's secretary gave us a call and asked if we want to see the first snow falls and step on it, so we said, yes, of course! She picked us up at half past 3, and went directly to their farm at Geiselbach, a village at Barbaria (in city of Munich). Everything was white already from afar, but if you get to see it up close, you can still see the soil, really thin! And the snow falls are small balls, not that big yet, and it do feels wet, wet snow is indeed a right term. Afterwards, we headed to meet her daughter, however, we didn't find her, we ended watching Bernhard on his final exercise for the orchestral concert tomorrow. I was surp...

it's half empty already... :D Yeah, finally I was able to taste the Glühwein! Thank you so much Gertrud for this great day! It's red wine, no doubt, only STEAMING HOT and served in mugs, not on wine glasses. There were lemon slices on the pot, but I can't taste the lemon on my drinks. And I was amazed by the kids there who drinks it bottoms up! But what's good with it was, I never felt anything after, it's like I just had a hot tea.

Start:      Dec 20, '08 11:00a End:      Dec 21, '08 I'm so excited! Yey!

I came across the Friendster account of our HS batch... Grabe, kakamiss... Nakaka-touch din ang content ng graduation invitation namin... At ang ganda na ng facilities ng CALC ha, walang wala sa facilities na kinalakihan at minahal ko... I miss high school so much... Wish I could turn back time...

Okay, I’ve been here at Germany for like 11 days now, and not even a blog was made here! Well, it isn’t my fault! The IT issued this notebook a little too late (and take note, not even one tool is up now!!!). How do I find Germany? Hmmm… Good question! I’ll try to put into list the things that I like and do not find that interesting living here, though I don’t have much experience yet since I’ve never been to other places other than Gelnhausen and Hasselroth where my hotel and company is located respectively. 1. I love the weather, though it’s very cold compared to Philippines, I think I can deal with it, even if at times I do get a nosebleed due to too much low temperature when I go out at night. Currently, it’s raining, and we’re expecting wet snow by tomorrow. 2. I love the language. Well, I did love it ever since, I just got the chance to see a lot of native speakers of Deutsch here (not only Ody this time, hehehe), and they’re so cute. 3. I like the people. Except for that two dru...

My other cyberspace is up and running again, been blogging there for days already, but I chose to blog here today. Why? Because this is the place where I know my emotions most fit in. For months, I thought I'm fine, or maybe I just bought that idea to keep myself off from thinking too much. Then, out of the blue, here it comes again. I know I can't blame anybody, all I can blame on right now is myself. Why can't I completely move on? Why do I keep on hurting myself? Why do I continuously love him and hope that there'll be another chance for us again? Why am I so blind and weak when it comes to him? Why can't I just utter the words goodbye whenever I'm facing him? I hate him for making my life miserable, but I hate myself more than anybody else for loving him despite everything that's obviously happening between us. The time is not right, we both know that. There won't be an "us" again, we know that, but we keep our eyes closed on those facts. I...

Darn it! I cannot blog at my i.ph blog for 3 days now, ampf! yun lang, hahaha! Oo nga pala, I got home at 1:30am from work, coz of the meeting. Well, am still somewhat lucky, kasi earlier daw, there was a shoot out sa area where I usually pass by (Munoz market), according to my tito. Katakot talga, then by 27th, 12mn na out ko, huhuhu... Kakatakot talga pag ganung time even if madami pa ding people dito sa Metro. Oh well, what can I do? That's what my work calls for. Then on the 1st of November, lipat kami ng station beside the web support, grrr! By the way, it's my Schengen Visa interview this coming Tuesday, so wish me luck! And pray for me to pass it, multiple visa kasi inapply sa kin ng manager ko eh... Unlike my colleague na single entry lang... I really need prayers this time...

Funny, I blogged my rants first thing here after being absent for more than a month... Updates! Updates! First, Germany invitation is already on its way, so probably, Visa application will commence next week. Second, there's a little friction in the office due to the upcoming migration thing, and now, our division is caught in between, grrr! Third, as what I had blogged earlier, grrr! Fourth, Christmas and New Year will be celebrated here in the Philippines! Yipee! Be back by December 2 and leave again by January 10... Whoa! They do got a lot of money to spend, huh! Fifth, I miss this site...I hate it, blogger is not allowed, plus, my proxy was already detected by the IT, so I cannot access the FS as well. Boring life, I know, but I have to bear with it till my Citrix access is up... Just a few more months to wait...

Okay, so now Ate Shie has a bf na...And Jen2 has her too...Now, all eyes are on me... "Why don't get a new one now?" Damn it! But luckily, I love Ate Shie's line: "wait till 30's to get a new one..." Hahaha!

I just came from a visit, and of all the visits I've done, this branch was the worst... Well, what to expect if the mall itself seems to have been left behind and forgotten by time... But I guess, that is not a reason for them not to stay on standards... I hope my report would awaken their management and do something on that store...  

Just came from a store visit and I am not satisfied this time. I think I did not felt full this time after dining out... I did not like the food presented and the place was dirty... I hope my report would help them out... Me and my friends are supposed to be having coffee after my visit, but then, Jay got afraid of the rain and asked it to be postponed... and it happened again! I hope next week it'll push through na... Sobrang tagal ng plan na di matuloy-tuloy eh... September 7 would be the UAAP CDC! And me and my cousin is planning to go... Siguro dun na lang ako sasama sa pack, tagal na nila ko hinahanap, according sa forum namin, hahaha! Sa CDC, I'll do my best na makapunta, kahit pa puyat ako from Summit ng September 6. Yes, September 6 may Summit kami sa SMX and it's going to be '80's theme! And I still don't have anything to wear for that day! Sayang ang 15k if di ako mageeffort sa costume noh! I am gonna miss this site again for a week... Another week wi...

It's been a month, and I really miss this site... But what can I do, eh banned eto sa office... Don't worry, I'd still visit this site from time to time.... One week to go and it's Eraserheads' reunionm conceert, but so far, here are the updates about the concert ticket err VIP passes: 1. Michael Buhay pa din ang laman ng Marlboro site according to listers 2. Nagmessage si Marcus pero gaya pa din ng dati, kaadikan lang ang mensahe. 3. Nasa kongreso pa din ang issue ng DOH sa PM at E-heads 4. Nilipat daw sa Fort Open Ground ang venue. 5. Nagtatanong na din ako sa sarili ko kung matutuloy pa ba ang ma-issue na concert na ito... Hay, kahit kelan talga, laging may issue ang E-heads, kaya naman patok sila lagi sa masa...

Kala ko nung una joke lang, sabi nung manager ko, check ko website para malaman ko na totoo sila, www.frontlinefocus.com pero dapat sa kanya ko mag-register para mas mabilis ma-process ang application ko... So go naman ako, dahil kilala ko sya, at credible ang background nya (fyi, manager po sya ng QA sa Hitachi GST). Bigay ko lahat ng need na information nya, tapos eto lang gagawin ko: 1. Certify ko sarili ko online as soon as mareceive ko na shopper ID ko at password sa mail. 2. Certify ko sarili ko sa brand na ivvisit ko. -at both yan nagawa ko in 1 hour lang. Tpos call sya sa fone ko at eto ang step 3. 3. Visit the shop assigned (either Pizza Hut, KFC or Taco Bell). Wala gagawin, pasok sa restau, order ng gaya ng dati, gumamit ng CR, balik sa table, maghintay sa order, magbayad, kunin ang receipt at lumabas. 4. PAg-uwi, accomplish the report online gamit ang shopper ID at password na nasa e-mail. 5. Wait ng bagong assignment thru text or pwede din mag-assign sa sarili sa web...

After few days of a beautiful sunshine, here comes the rain again... How I wish I'm still a student, so I don't have to struggle with flood and heavy rains. All I have to do is tuck myself under my blanket and sleep... But then, I am already part of the real world, and I have nothing else to do with that, unless I go back to school as M.S. student, which I no longer consider... There's another storm that's within the country, and named after my best friend, Karen. Yep, Karen is the name... And it's really raining cats and dogs since early this morning. I felt lazy to leave the house, especially when I heard that classes are suspended in Metro Manila. But I have to leave because the sad part is, I AM NO LONGER A STUDENT.... I miss high school days... I miss college days... I miss those days that has gone by... Real world is here, and I have to face it. Tonight, upon going home, wish me safety to reach our house amidst this great storm named Karen... I suddenly mi...

I am now starting my life anew. I've been with Sykes now for more than a month, and I am loving my life. I don't have to wake up too early to catch the shuttle, nor should I force myself to sleep at night when I still want to do other stuff. This is the life that I really wanted, and I am loving it.   By the way, I started another blog at dot ph. You may visit it, though it's totally new, I've posted the URL below for you: http://www.angelcyanne.i.ph  

I dunno if this is always normal. when you are in the middle of your blogging, when you suddenly lost your connection, and you have to re-type everything again... It's just that all my ideas were already put into words,and found out there was no draft saved (oh well, my fault too, I did not start my blog here, I made it directly at Multiply), so here I am again, re-typing what was already said... A better life, I could say it has already begun. I got the job I was waiting for, I got the chance now to visit that country that I could only imagine during our classes way back in college. Yes, I am already with them, and soon will be flying to Germany for 2 months training. After which, I will be bonded to them for 2 years. Well, 2 years is not that long, but then, together with the bond is me not being able to transfer from one division to another (from Germany to US or APAC), not even to other department (Process to Training)... Well, I guess, July 17 really marked the last day for me...

I had always wanted to blog this out but due to some unknown reasons, I do not have my access at the office again! Damn IT, they don't want to give me back my internet, I will be staying for two more weeks na lang naman eh... Yes, I resigned, and the reason why? It's because I got the job at Emerson, and I will be startiong with them on the 7th, though, I don't know yet when my flight will be going to Germany, but I'm just overly excited... See, I have been reviewing my German language time and again, hahaha! Wish me luck at Emerson!

it's monday and there's no update still regarding my past medical examination... sigh! i'm getting impatient here and i really want to leave... but if i am not going to be called again, i am fully aware of the reason anyway, there was a finding regarding my heart condition... i'm afraid that my childhood condition is repeating... and this is all because of the stress and problems that i had gone through and currently going through... i want to break free... i want a new life... i want a new place... this place isn't the place for me...

This is my nth blog ever... Created this to be some sort of my online dear diary... Only me and me alone can read this... Anyway, to start with... Currently, I am killing my time for doing one thing for three days now: GENERATE A NEW SCHEDULE FOR THE CHEMICAL GROUP OPERATORS. This is sooooo difficult for all of them comes from 14 groups, and our new manager wants them on two groups, whoa! How can I make it that way? I am no good with planning or anything... How I wish it's Wednesday so that I can already complete my medical and forward my resignation on this damn company... Am no longer happy here... I want to be away from here... Away forever, and no coming back... I want to visit Germany with my new co-employees and friends... I'm so excited I wanna do it all as soon as possible... So far, that's the latest with my life and I am not good with that... Except of course for my appontment on Wednesday...

May 14th of 2008... One memorable date for me, as this reminds me of that someone, 3 years ago... And now, this date will be memorable for the rest of my life... 6:30am: I was asleep at the office when I felt someone tapped my lap. I woke up and saw no one around me... So I went back to sleep till the bell rang... And went on with my work... 1:30pm: My cousin went online with the status message: Life is too short . I greeted her belated happy birthday since the 12th was her birthday and I was not able to greet her... She said thanks and told me the worst news this year.... Our beloved, Tito Danny passed away that morning... I was not able to control my feelings, I cried at the office... I cried and cried and tried to call my mom. But she was not answering the phone. I don't want to believe the bad news, but in my heart, I know it was the truth... 4:00pm: Mom already texted me saying she doesn't want to tell me yet until my interview was done, but then, my couz already told me, ...

i've been like this since yesterday that i even forgot it was my grandfather's 10th death anniversary ( sorry, mamay...) first news that came to me was the reorganization that will take place SOON..and soon means next week...not next year, nor next month, but next week...part of the reorganization is the transfer of chemprep from slg to something independent...and i was offered to be included on that move... second news, there is an urgent need for a new safety engineer, to replace ma'am auds who will be resigning soon...this position is one of my dream position...to be a safety engineer... third news, a phone call, from a dream company...i was shortlisted by them and i am endorsed for client interview this thursday (may 15) supposedly, but then it was moved earlier, may 14, this time... alright, so this blog is a week delayed since i started writing this... the interview was cancelled again, and that will push through on monday...pray for me... the transf...

i was readign through my blogs here, and oh well, I did some stupidity last October, when all characters here were in Japanese still... I DELETED MY BLOGS that was dated December of 2006 till September of 2007. so it appears now that i started blogging here only last october, when in fact, i started this a month after i started my gmail account (which i'm not quite sure but i guess that was in November of 2006). wala na ko proofs ng mga lamentations ko sa previous jobs ko and how i landed on that job, including my most frustrating experience working at salinas for a month, and a very memorable christmas eve of 2006, all those stories were gone, and i could no longer get hold of again... all were lost because of one reason: I DON'T KNOW HOW TO READ NIHONGGO CHARACTERS... :(

Last night, me and my team went on a small dinner celebration at Gilligan's Island at Festival Mall, Alabang. Had some drinking sessions, and most of them sang. I could not understand why they, most specially Jolly, kept on telling me I was drunk last night, when in fact I AM NOT! Throughout my drinking days, I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED BEING DRUNK yet, not ever. I first had a bitter taste of beer when I was in third year high school. That was during Lipa Fiesta at my best friend's house. Kuya Sam brought us some bottles of Pale Pilsen, yup, Pale Pilsen, San Mig Light was not yet available in the market that time. I was able to finish one bottle only, not because I got drunk, but because I started to get red. I dunno, maybe I am allergic to malt, or something, (weird however, coz my daily morning beverage is composed of malt, Milo has malt right?). So there, but it did not hindered me from drinking. The next drinking I made was with my cousins, I think, GIN POMELO, but mixed for...

Calbarzon.. On the way puntang Island Cove, di ako makatulog sa shuttle... I don't have great pics ng outing. Pa'no, I hate the place, and I hate the event... Ang boring, I should have stayed at home na lang... nawalan pa ng bat ang cam ko, so wala talga.. I have pics sa cam ng ibang co-engineers ko kaso, wala eh, di ko makuha copies na meron ako, kasi I forgot na kung sino sino yung may cam na meron ako pic, hahaha! Kaya yan, napag-tripan ko na lang flip flops ko and glitter tattoo ko...

The past week has been a week of a lot of goodbyes. On the 1st of May, was the burial of Kuya Ed. It was heartwarming indeed to see the number of people who joined and sympathized as his family grieved his leaving. It was so sad, yet we know, he's more than happy now wherever he may be... The morning of 1st as well, Shana's mom also passed away, but I am not sure what the reason of her death was... I was supposed to go to Bulacan and join her as she grieve, but then, a lot of things need to be done at the office, plus the interment on the 1st, while the kada went to Bulacan on the 1st. I will just offer a prayer for tita... Day before the 1st, the 30th of April, Sir Dann, already filed his resignation... It's so great to know he's going to leave HICAP soon, meaning, there's more life ahead for us outside of HICAP. It brought back the hope in me, the hope to be able to leave HICAP... But at the same time, it's sad to know he's leaving, for he's the on...

I wanna see this guy again... wanna hear him play the drums again... he makes the drums go wild the same way he do with my heart... I caught him looking at me, but it ended up me staring at him... I can't take my eyes off of him even for a second... I like the way he smiles... The way he plays the drums... He's everything I want to know for now... Who are you, stranger? What's behind those eyes that makes me go ga-ga over knowing you? Will we ever meet again? Will I soon get to know your name? Who are you? Why do I feel this way for you? I want to know you, stranger... I wanna see you play the drums again and have my heart beat the way it beat last night... I hope it won't be long to see you again, and finally get to know each other...

This morning, I woke up from a terrible nightmare. As in, I was still trembling and my heart's palpitation was too much for me to handle. My dream was about this guy I have been avoiding for days now. I am avoiding him not because I don't like him, in fact, I used to like him (yeah, USED to...), but when things started to change, I started to move away... He no longer is the same guy I used to hang out with, a lot of things changed in him... His outlook in life and his attitude towards other people, most especially to me. I am not demanding him to give me utmost attention, but the reverse, I want his distance... For weeks, I started to be afraid of him, of what he could possibly do, that I sought help from a friend to overcome my fear of him, and be able to move like before. She did, she helped me by showing support and that she'll protect me from whatever he might be capable of doing, but then, he grew more aggressive and suddenly got mad at me for simply me not doing wh...

Another work week is so difficult to begin. After two days of vacation, plus a day of fun (anyway, was it fun?!?) with all of the company's employees, then you have to report for work the following day... It is indeed soooo difficult. I cannot push myself to have a very productive Tuesday. All I try to do is starting to be a mess... My mind's travelling far and I can't help myself not to yawn. I still want to stay at home and surf the net... OR stay at Kuya Ed's wake and spend with him his last 3 days at his house, (yes, the interment is scheduled on Thursday or Friday, I am not sure as well)... And what's so bad about me, I haven't visited his wake yet, though I was aware of his leaving since Sunday. Now, I am feeling so guilty, blogging about his goodness, yet I haven't given a respect yet on his remains. In fact, I am planning not to render an overtime today, for two main reasons: I'M BORED, and I WANNA VISIT KUYA ED... Hope I could do that today....

I haven't seen Kuya Ed for almost half a year now...Well, honestly, I can't remember the time I last saw him passing by and calling my mom, "FHEL!!!"... And now, I guess, seeing him would take longer than a decade for me... He passed away last night while having fun with some friends at a wedding shower somewhere down our street... As per my ninang's story, he was so happy last night seeing my ninang, his good friend whom he haven't seeen for quite sometime due to work and a sudden change of residence for my ninang... Ninang said, they were so happy, laughing around, and dancing... But they parted ways earlier, coz ninang and some of her friends and some of my tita's have to visit my tito in the hospital as well... But while at the hospital, somebody called my tita and said, " Kapitana, balik kayo dito, natumba si Ed, masama pakiramdam (Captain, come back here, Ed fell down and not in good condition)"..My tita, thinking it's just brought abou...

Today, I planned to look at the brighter side of life, despite all the not-so-great things that is happening around me right now. I have decided that from now on, I will be blogging more about great things and minimize (not totally avoiding it) blabbing about failures and frustrating events that happens each day. Let me start about what went on yesterday... I was early, yey! After a month, I was able to catch the shuttle service at Lipa City, though we were caught by the traffic and arrived 10 minutes before the time, still, I managed not to take the public transportation on my first working day. Then, my uncle was not admitted in the hospital, thank God, he is suffering from asthma, that's all, but no need for a hospital admission, according to his doctor... Today, though, I woke up just in time, but I was left by the shuttle service. I already knew ahead that I won't be able to catch the last bus, so I extended my PUB destination another 4 km or more... What's the b...

this is it... i now accept that writing is not for me... i took the risk of venturing on this as a career.. tried a lot of writing websites and sent them my sample works... but none of them returned any reply to me... none was satisfied with my works... i guess, they were right... writing is not for me... i could never ever be a writer no matter how i tried to be one... and now, i'm back... back to that time when i don't know what i want in life... what i want to be...i'm tired with my current job... but where should i go now? i don't know.. and i no longer know what is in store for me... what future lies ahead for me...

I had a few words with my professor few days ago...She asked me how I'm doing and where on earth am I right now. I told her I am currently working as an engineer in a manufacturing company where REAL engineers dominates me. I told her the truth that I am really having a hard time here, trying to fit in and doing my best to excel, but it seems like my heart does not belong here, it seems like I am not destined to be here... Or was I actually destined to be here that's why I cannot find a replacement job? Sigh! I wish I am not destined here!> Going back, she asked me what made me think this way. Why I am like this when in fact, when I was in college, I was the one who was consistently doing good and focused, how come that when I was already working, things suddenly became so dark for me. I could not answer her, for I myself asks those things to myself. What happened to me? What happened to the "CY" they once knew, the one who loved Chemistry so much was determined to...

When I was a kid, I was the only kid in the house, so my mom and aunts would give me a pen and paper to keep me busy and stop bugging them... I thought my family will continuously support me with my want of holding pen and paper. But when I was in high school, my mom asked me to quit writing, to forget about anything about writing... I was hurt... It seems like my world was shattered... Writing has always been part of me... Writing has always been my way of life, and they would suddenly ask me to quit it and to never pursue it as my chosen career... I was asked to take on a career I never really envisioned myself doing... I was forced to love a life that was totally new to me... A career path that I am not sure what lies ahead... But despite everything, I remained rooted to what I really want... I continued writing hidden in shadows... I wrote without letting my family know... It was so frustrating for me that my own family does not care about what I want to achieve... I feel so alone....

i want to bid love goodbye... but HOW? i wish it's as easy as waving your hand, turn your back and walk away... i wish it's not that heartbreaking and won't require shedding too much tears... but it isn't! saying goodbye to love is not as easy as simply writing on the sand "GOODBYE LOVE" and leave it behind... it won't work... it won't help... today it is, but tomorrow, it won't... you'll be wanting love back... you'll be asking for his presence again... you'll be longing for his kisses and his touch... and everything that you've written in the sand will simply be washed away by the sea... you'll be back to weeping... back to thinking... back to loving him, all on your own... love is not that easy to let go... nor is it easy to forget... one great love will forever be a part of you... one great love filled with the most wonderful memories will forever be haunting you...and that one great love will never ever leav...

i dunno what happened, but for weeks, i lost access to this blog, and to my mails... was i blocked? i don't know and i don't care... i miss him... that's the only thing on my mind right now... i miss him... though i know it isn't right... i can't help not to miss him... everyday, i am looking forward seeing him... no matter how hard i try to keep myself from texting or calling him, it doesn't work, in fact, i called him last tuesday and asked him to visit me... even if that was for only 20 minutes seeing him, that was the best damn minutes of my life this month... i know i could never ever get him out of my life... never could i ever live my life without him... he's my life... he's my everything... he's my past, my present and will forever be... so stupid of me to love him! damn it!

WELCOME 2008!!!! Whoooo!I'm still sleepy, but then, am at work! YES! I'm at work! well, i logged in at 1pm and will be out by 7pm...hehehe...just checked on my chemicals and other stuff... i found out one thing today...that guy who kept on calling me "baby" really thought we're that close huh! he used my locker to keep his cleanroom shoes!what the...!so i was left using other people's locker to keep mine,grrr...!