Random Finds: Of Having The Right Person

A very good read.
AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?
During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"
The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.
Here's the answer.
Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies.Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.
The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.
People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.
Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.
Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.
Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.
Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO..

Reflections

I remember when I was still working at the call center, I was the bitterest person ever in our account. I was fresh from break up and I cannot accept the fact that he ditched me for another woman. One idle shift, I had a heart to heart talk with my team mate and told me one sound advice, which I ignored and laughed at. She did not directly tell me that advice, rather, she told me her own story.

She is happily married with two young boys, and her husband was not her first boyfriend as well. She was also devastated the time she broke up with her first boyfriend, but when she met her husband, everything changed. One time, she crossed paths again with her first boyfriend, and the first thing she told herself, "thank God, I did not marry this guy." I laughed at her and told her she was mean. She then told me these words, "believe me, my dear. When you finally meet your Mr. Right, when your Prince Charming finally finds his way, you'd utter the same words when you see your ex again." I did not believe her and even told her that would be totally impossible. Her final words were, "you only say that now because you're still hurt, you still hold on to a false hope that he'll be back. He won't because he's not the right guy destined for you. You are one of the sweetest person I have met and there's no other explanation acceptable why he did this to you. Believe me, and when you find the man for you, you'd remember this moment and you'd remember me and tell yourself that I am right."

Today, as I write this blog directly from Germany, I remember my dear team mate and friend back in the Philippines. She is absolutely right in every ways. Though I haven't been to the same situation she was, but merely seeing my ex's photo in Facebook makes me sick and wonder why I wasted so many years crying over this guy. I regret those years I lived in anger, pain and devastation, when all those years I could have spent more with my family and real friends. The Philippines saying that regret comes always at the end is totally true.

I am glad I opened my eyes to the reality and turned back to God. Truly, with His help, one would never lose his way. No matter how impossible it is, He makes it always possible. Even two hearts that were miles apart were able to find its way to each other, because that is how God wrote the story. No matter how impossible it may, for two hearts that are meant to be together, in God's time, they will meet and live together.

I thank God for creating a beautiful love story for me. I thank God for bringing me my husband, the only person who understands all my tantrums and moods and still accepts me with open arms and loves me more and more as the day goes by. I thank God that He helped me to open my eyes and moved on and led my path to my husband's arms. I could not ask for more. I am really loved.

Love

I Am So Lucky!

I am so lucky to have my husband. There has no other guy in this world who understands my tantrums and my insecurities better than him. He accepts me despite all my flaws and helps me go through all these difficulties as a foreigner. I am so happy that I met him and I have him for the rest of my life.

I just wanted the world to know how much I am blessed to have my husband, the one who never lets me down and accepts me for who I am.

I love Mr. Uwe Wussow so much! I am so proud to have him as my husband! :)

My Philosophy 101

In my 28 years of existence, I came to realize what philosophy really is. It is not something that we must follow because the philosophers before us said it. What the philosophers in the past had said, they should only serve as a guide for us to find our own philosophy. We are created having the most wonderful talent, rationalizing, hence we must make good use of it. We must rationalize from within and find the meaning of our lives. Hence, I came down with the following as my philosophy. It may have been said before by some philosophers, and some may not agree on what the norms believe, but I am entitled to these, because I am a rationalized being, and I have the right to philosophize.

1. Things do not change. It is our perspective that changes. An apple is an apple until the end, it does not become a pear at any point of its life. It only ripens and eventually rottens, and we as individuals are the ones who give this state to it. It is our perspective that says when an apple is good to eat and when it is not. Hence, you must not hate other people because they are no longer who they are when you met them, sit back and find the reason from within. Most of the time, the reason why we hate them now is because our perspective of them changed. They did not change, they only became too familiar to us that the way we look at them becomes more defined and our minds do not like the reality we are seeing now. Instead of forcing them to change to who they are not, tell your mind to accept the things. Nothing really changed, the reality is just more crystal clear now. When you learn to accept that nothing really changes, you would never get yourself disappointed.

2. Expectations causes our perspectives to change and eventually disappointments. The more you expect, the bigger disappointment you will get. When you expect, you create this illusion of reality in your mind, that when it is not met, you'd end up saying things have changed on them, but they did not, everything's just in your mind. Hence, stop expecting. Take things as it is. Let yourself be surprised.

3. There is no perfect relationship, because there is no such thing as perfect. What there is is a successful relationship. The key to having a successful relationship is acceptance. No one must change. Both must only learn to accept the reality. Reality is only painful and hard to accept if we have this painting called Portrait of Expectations displayed in our hearts. Put down this painting and give the brush to your partner. Let him/ her paint the reality in your heart. You will end up more beautiful and loving at the same time.

I will stop here for now. I am still on continuous study in this University of Life. I do not expect you to agree on me on these three points in life. As I have said, we have our own philosophy. Instead, I challenge you to write down your own philosophy and inspire people. Nothing is more fulfilling than inspiring others.

Key To A Successful Relationship: Trust and Communication

Our marriage is like anybody's marriage. We have fun times together wherein we laugh out loud like two crazy people. We have serious times together when we would exchange our thoughts and opinions over the current events in Germany and in the whole world. We fight, so often than you could imagine, over reasons that are sometimes already categorized as unreasonable. I am not proud of that. As much as possible I do not want to fight. But there are things I am proud of that I hope all other relationships in this world would have: trust and communication.

It is not really easy to give more than a hundred percent trust on your partner. Especially in my case, we have totally different culture, and he had a lot of past to tell. Despite it all, I decided to give him my full trust. I believe and hold on to his words that "he had already seen the world." Sometimes, we fight over his habit of staying up too late because of computer game or simply the internet. As somebody who grew up in a strict household, I find it hard to accept. I wanted to change his lifestyle. I wanted him to go to bed the same time I do. We fought too long over this. Too small thing but we usually argue endlessly. But because we do our best to communicate, we were able to sort this out and the solution we found is simple:TRUST. He asked me to trust him, that he knows what he is doing and everything is planned and will not affect his working condition. I listened to him and trusted him about it. Since then, it became easier for me to sleep at night (no more uneasiness nor insomnia), and surprisingly, I can feel him going to bed earlier than when we still fought over it. Indeed, trust helped us to have a more harmonious relationship.

We still fight, but it is not like before that we fight almost every week. It is also because we communicate healthily. When something bothers me or bothers him, we speak it truthfully. "I don't like what you said," "Your opinion hurts me," "I don't feel like talking today." These are just some of the phrases we use to communicate. He either stops talking and simply hugs me or asks me further why I feel this way. When I feel not talking, I tell it to him and go to the bedroom. I sit an hour or two drafting a letter. Either I leave the letter by the fridge door or send it as an e-mail. When he goes to bed, he will hold my hand and squeeze it tightly and kiss my forehead. We usually wake up with our hands still holding. Then he would tell me whether he understands the cause of my "tantrum" or if he got other solution for it. The fight is resolved. We then become more loving of each other than before.

Ours is still young, I know. I admit I am not a "professional" to say that ours is the healthiest marriage or whatever. However, I am positive that what we have shall last a lot of years, hopefully until forever, because we practice the important values a family should have: LOVE, TRUST, RESPECT, UNDERSTANDING and COMMUNICATION.

Coco! ♥♥♥

Coco, Cuhcuh, Koko... So many spellings of his nickname, but his real name is All Nam-Nam (name given and registered by Aries of Bluebox).

I adopted him last year, 29th of April. It was not planned, we went at Aries's house, not because we wanted to buy a dog, but because my husband needs to buy a pack of cigarette! We saw the ad by their gate that there are already puppies ready for adoption. We asked Aries's father if we can see the puppies. He was so kind and took Coco and his sister out. Coco was so sweet, he immediately came to hubby and licked him. We both fell in love with Coco, not only because he's sweet but also because he's a male! (We do not want a female dog actually.) So we asked how much does the adoption costs. Aries was so nice, he gave us a discount because he said we're neighbors and because Coco seems to like us immediately (other people might charge us higher because my hubby is a foreigner, but Aries did the other way).

So there! He's so loved by all of my cousins, niece and relatives! Who would not love this cute little dog? He got all the sweetness in the world!

And I miss him so much,,,

Love Against All Odds (Liebe Entgegen Alle Ungleichheit)

All the dramas are through
(Alle Dramen sind vorbei)
All the tears are dried
(Das Weinen hat schon beendet)
We found a way to compromise
(Kompromise wird endlich gefunden)
Love has won the fight.
(Die Liebe hat den Kampf gewonnen).

I am smiling now
(Ich bin nun so glücklich)
The heavy weight is gone
(Das Gewicht wird weggenommen)
Love is truely magical
(Die Liebe ist wirklich magisch)
And I am glad I found love.
(Und ich bin froh, dass ich verliebt bin).

If you happen to read this,my baby
(Wenn du,mein Baby, liest den)
Rest assured all is back to normal
(Versichere dir, alles wieder okay)
What happened in the past is past
(Was passiert ist,ist schon vorbei)
What is important is the now.

(Die wichtigste ist was wir jetzt sind).
I love you and I always will
(Ich liebe dich und es ist für immer)
Be it raining or sun shining
(Egal ob es regnet oder die Sonne scheint)
My love will stay and fight till the end
(Meine Liebe bleibt und kämpft bis zu Ende)
Coz that is what love really means.
(Weil meine Liebe unendlich ist).

I love you so much my Baby!

I'll Fight For Our Love

I'm tired.
I am tired from crying.
I am tired from thinking where do I really belong.
But I will fight for you.
No matter how painful it may seem.
No matter if you see it or not.
I will fight.
I will forever hold on your words of love.
I will forever believe.
I will blindfold myself and go on following.
I have given you my vow.
And you gave me yours.
Therefore I will hold on that vow.
And stay and love you until forever.
Even if it hurts.
Even if I have to cry everyday.
Even if you do not see what I do for you.
Even if you don't believe.
I will be here to hold you.
To love you.
To care for you.
To fight for you.
I love you until the end of time.

Happy Valentines Day!

What have you planned for this day? By us is simple: my husband will drive to work while I spend half my day conjugating verbs and learning new vocabularies. In the evening, we might eat something we both crave for, grilled pork or chicken maybe and drink a few glasses of red wine. We planned not to go out for dinner because the weather is crazy! A little bit warmer temperature but lots of snow! Hence, better for us to enjoy the night in our warm apartment. Anyway, everyday is already Valentines day when we're together. :-)

If you are single, don't feel so low, celebrate this day with your parents instead. The main thought for this day is all about LOVE, no matter to whom that love is meant for. Important thing is we all celebrate the wonderful feeling called LOVE.

Happy Valentines Day World!

Prost To Three Years of Love and Friendship!

Today is the day of remembering that special day, three years ago. That was on the evening of  5th of February, when I finally reciprocated his love to me. I never expected it to be this enchanting and lasting. I thank God for sending him along my way. I have never been this happy and contented all my life.

I will always be in love with my husband no matter what age we are.

Happiness Is A Choice

I used to be a grumpy one. It seems like nothing ever pleases me. I always felt like the world has turned its back on me. My best friend used to say I am a sad person not because I am always in deep sh*t, but because I always failed to see the beauty in my life. Before, I could not understand her, what beauty in my life had she seen in mine that I failed to see. I am an illegitimate child, though I was able to carry my dad's name by law, all my childhood Christmases and New Years were spent only with my mom. Then, just these past few days, I decided to list down the blessings I had in the past that I forgot to be thankful of:

1. I am alive! My mom gave life to me despite the complicated future awaiting us.
2. Despite the fact that I didn't see my dad that often in the past, he still sent me to the best schools in town.
3. My mom is still there to fight for me and take care of me, even if she got all the right to breakdown and abandon me.
4. My grandpa was always there for me, and filled up for my dad. Even if he's in heaven now, I can still feel his presence in my life, still there for me, guiding supporting and protecting me.
5. I was gifted with a good brain, hence I am always on the list of honor students and always one of those favored by our teachers.
6. We got a house over our heads even if it is just a small one.
7. I got my friends who accepted me for who I am and for whatever kind of family I came from.
8. I was able to get through all the sicknesses I had in the past: heart disease that was diagnosed at the age of 2 which miraculously was healed at the age of 12 (without any operation!), dengue fever which was luckily still at the milder stage (but I had to stay at the hospital for 7 days).
9. As I grow up, my half-brothers and half-sister learned to accept me and my mom and are closer to me and mom than their own mom (except for the youngest who is still aloof to me until now).
10. When I had to take the licensure board exam, I passed it at one take, even if honestly, I spent most of my review days dining out alone or with friends, sleeping, chatting with my roomies and on every social networking sites there is.
11. Finding a job is always a breeze for me, I send my resume, they call me for interview as soon as they received my CV, and then a day after my interview, they'd call me for salary negotiation. It has always been like that, hence I always have the best companies on my list to choose from. This is true for me even now that I am in Germany and my German is still that bad, a week after I signed up for the online job agent, I received an e-mail asking me to contact them for a possible job interview.
12. I met and married the greatest man in the world, next to my grandpa and my uncles. I never thought that I'd be loved this way in my entire life.

Now that I learned to turn on the light, I realized that my best friend is right, I got lots of reason to be happy about and stop living in the gloom. I thank her for reminding me to turn on the light and see all the beauty in my life. Happiness is indeed a choice, it is up to us whether we'd forever walk in the darkness or turn on the light that we always forget we always carry in our pockets.

Happy February!

This month is also the month when I finally found my way in my once-crazy-world or I think it is better to say,  when I finally woke up from a nightmare.

Three and half years ago, I already stopped living. I was simply like a sleep-walker along the streets, no emotions, just walking and dreaming. I felt betrayed and unloved by the whole world that it feels better when I am asleep. I was totally lost in the darkness of my life. Then, it was during my training in Germany when I found my way towards reality. Distance from my usual place helped me to "detoxify" my life. Finally, on the month of February of the year 2009, I was reborn. Last tears were dried, the sun shone brightly and showed me the way. I thought it was still one of those dreams I had been dreaming of for so long which usually ends up as a nightmare. But I was wrong.  One man helped me to wake up from my nightmare and live on my fairytale fantasy. My knight-in-shining-armor came just in time for the Valentine's Day. It was one of the loveliest day of my life.

It was February when I stopped dreaming and started living.

Realizations

At 21, I had my first serious boyfriend. I know for some, I am a late bloomer, but it is all because out of fear from my mom. I grew up with the greatest fear that if I entertain a guy, my mom would throw me out of our door. I honestly had liked a guy at a younger age, but my mom showed me her steel fist, hence I waited until I graduated from the university. However, this guy turned out to be not the right one for me, in short, a nightmare. I threw away my life because of this guy, putting myself and my mom’s life on the edge. I was so blinded, that I was ready to turn my back from my mom. But the 21 years that mom and I shared cannot equate our year-old relationship. Truly, blood is thicker than water. When mom got sick all because of my one year upheaval, I turned my back from love. I told myself it is going to be me and mom until the end of time.

Three years after,  I was determined to reach for my dreams, for me and for my mom alone, and I was determined never to love again. I changed my lifestyle, changed my environment. Everything is going on smoothly, though honestly, I was never happy. I was longing for that love that I know is different from my mom’s love, but I am afraid to love again. Afraid that if I do, I will lose my mom forever, and I am afraid to be alone.

At 25, I closed my heart, but for some reason or another, somebody was able to unlock it. Little by little, he was able to get me out of my comfort zone. He was able to open my life back to the world. He showed my mom that I too, need some love, a love that is different from a parent’s love. Little by little, he was also able to transform my mom. And I could not explain how happy I was that time.

At 27, I am married to a 42-year old guy. I am a proud wife of my husband. He who deserves all the appreciation there is in the world. At 27, I realized how lucky I am to have found a guy as loving and understanding as my man. Though we do have misunderstandings, he never fails on showing me that at the end of the day, I am the only woman he loves and he will love forever. He proved to me that not all guys are the same, that there is one guy meant for me to love and be with for the rest of my life. I cannot imagine my life if I did not meet my husband. I cannot imagine what kind of life I have if I continued on my revolt.

Whatever happened five years ago, I am thankful. If all those nasty things did not come along my way, maybe I am still the same old me, blinded at the wrong love, or worst, maybe I am alone struggling in life. If those painful things did not happen, events that led me to change my life, I just do not know where I might be right now. I am thankful for all the tears that I had to shed in the past, the painful words I had to hear from people, and I am thankful to all the wrong people that hurt me in the past. Because of them, I learned to be strong. Because of them, I learned how to face the world. And because of them, I met the guy that God had created to love me unconditionally.

And I will surely give him back the love that he deserves as long as I live.

101 Ways To Score Points With A Woman

I am currently reading “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” and I am already at this chapter where Dr. Gray tackles about scoring points. These tips are, I think, worth sharing to everyone. I honestly think this helps keep any relationship in good harmony. Surprisingly, most of the things that my husband do to please me can be found on this list. To all men out there, read this and do it, your girls will definitely love you more.

101 WAYS TO SCORE POINTS WITH A WOMAN¹

1. Upon returning home, find her first before doing anything else and give her a hug.
2. Ask specific questions about her day that indicate an awareness of what she was planning to do (e.g. “How did your appointment with your doctor go?”)
3. Practice listening and asking questions.
4. Resist the temptation to solve her problems – empathize instead.
5. Give her 20 minutes unsolicited, quality attention (don´t read newspaper or be distracted by anything else during this time).
6. Bring her cut flowers as a surprise as well as on special occasions.
7. Plan a date several days in advance, rather than waiting for Friday night and asking her what she wants to do.
8. If she generally makes dinner or if it is her turn and she seems tired or really busy, offer to make dinner.
9. Compliment her on how she looks.
10. Validate her feelings when she is upset.
11. Offer to help her when she is tired.
12. Schedule extra time when traveling so that she doesn´t have to rush.
13. When you are going to be late, call her and let her know.
14. When she asks for support, say yes or no without making her wrong for asking.
15. Whenever her feelings have been hurt, give her some empathy and tell her “I´m sorry you feel hurt.” Then be silent; let her feel your understanding of her hurt. Don´t offer solutions or explanations why her hurt is not your fault.
16. Whenever you need to pull away, let her know you will be back or that you need some time to think about things.
17. When you´ve cooled off and you come back, talk about what was bothering you in a respectful, nonblaming way, so she doesn´t imagine the worst.
18. Offer to build a fire in wintertime.
19. When she talks to you, put down the magazine or turn off the TV and give her your fill attention.
20. If she usually washes the dishes, occasionally offer to wash the dishes, esp. if she is tired that day.
21. Notice when she is upset or tired and ask what she has to do. Then offer to help by doing a few of her “to do”  items.
22. When going out, ask if there is anything she wants you to pick up at the store, and remember to pick it up.
23. Let her know when you are planning to take a nap or leave.
24. Give her four hugs a day.
25. Call her from work to ask how she is or to share something exciting or to tell her “I love you.”
26. Tell her “I love you” at least a couple of times every day.
27. Make the bed and clean up the bedroom.
28. If she washes your socks, turn your socks right side out so she doesn´t have to.
29. Notice when the trash is full and offer to empty it.
30. When you are out of town, call to leave a telephone number where you can be reached and to let her know you arrived safely.
31. Wash her car.
32. Wash your car and clean up the interior before a date with her.
33. Wash before having sex or put a cologne if she likes that.
34. Take her side when she is upset with someone.
35. Offer to give her a back or neck or foot massage (or all three).
36. Make a point of cuddling or being affectionate sometimes without being sexual.
37. Be patient when she is sharing. Don´t look at your watch.
38. Don´t flick the remote control to different channels when she is watching TV with you.
39. Display affection in public.
40. When holding hands don´t let your hand go limp.
41. Learn her favorite drinks so you can offer her a choice of the ones that you know she already likes.
42. Suggest different restaurants for going out; don´t put the burden of figuring out where to go on her.
43. Get season tickets  for the theater, symphony, opera, ballet or some other type of performance she likes.
44. Create occasions when you both can dress up.
45. Be understanding when she is late or decides to change her outfit.
46. Pay more attention to her than to others in public.
47. Make her more important than the children. Let the children see her getting your attention first and foremost.
48. Buy her little presents – like a small box of chocolates or perfume.
49. Buy her an outfit (take a picture of your partner along with her sizes to the store and let them help you select it).
50. Take pictures of her on special occasions.
51. Take short romantic getaways.
52. Let her see that you carry a picture of her in your wallet and update it from time to time.
53. When staying in a hotel, have them prepare the room with something special, like a bottle of champagne or sparkling apple juice or flowers.
54. Write a note or make a sign on special occasions such as anniversaries and birthdays.
55. Offer to drive the car on long trips.
56. Drive slowly and safely, respecting her preferences. After all, she is sitting powerless in the front seat.
57. Notice how she is feeling and comment on it – “You look so happy today” or “You look tired” – and then ask a question like “How was your day?”
58. When taking her out, study in advance the directions so that she does not have to feel responsible to navigate.
59. Take her dancing or take dancing lessons together.
60. Surprise her with a love note or poem.
61. Treat her in ways you did at the beginning of the relationship.
62. Offer to fix something around the house. Say “What needs to be fixed around here? I have extra time.” Don´t take on more than you can do.
63. Offer to sharpen her knives in the kitchen.
64. Buy some good Super Glue to fix things that are broken.
65. Offer to change light bulbs as soon as they go out.
66. Help with recycling the trash.
67. Read out loud or cut out sections of the newspaper that would interest her.
68. Write out neatly any phone messages you may take for her.
69. Keep the bathroom floor clean and dry it after taking a shower.
70. Open the door for her.
71. Offer to carry the groceries.
72. Offer to carry heavy boxes for her.
73. On trips, handle the luggage and be responsible for packing it in the car.
74. If she washes the dishes or it is her turn, offer to help scrub pots or other difficult tasks.
75. Make a “to fix” list and leave it in the kitchen. When you have extra time do something on that list for her. Don´t let it get too long.
76. When she prepares a meal, compliment her cooking.
77. When listening to her, use eye contact.
78. Touch her with your hand sometimes when you talk to her.
79. Show interest in what she does during the day, in the books she reads and the people she relates to.
80. When listening to her, reassure her that you are interested by making little noises like “ah ha”, “uh huh”, “mmmmhuh” and “hmmm.”
81. Ask her how she is feeling.
82. If she has been sick in some way, ask for an update and ask how she is doing or feeling.
83. If she is tired offer to make her some tea.
84. Get ready to go to sleep together and get in bed at the same time.
85. Give her a kiss and say good-bye when you leave.
86. Laugh at her jokes and humor.
87. Verbally say thank you  when she does things for you.
88. Notice when she gets her hair done and give a reassuring compliment.
89. Create special time to be alone together.
90. Don´t answer the phone at intimate moments or if she is sharing vulnerable feelings.
91. Go bicycling together, even if it´s just a short ride.
92. Organize and prepare a picnic. (Remember to bring a picnic cloth.)
93. If she handles the laundry, bring the clothes to cleaners or offer to do the wash.
94. Take her for a walk without the children.
95. Negotiate in a manner that shows her that you want her to get what she wants and you also want what you want. Be caring, but don´t be a martyr.
96. Let her know that you missed her when you went away.
97. Bring home her favorite pie or dessert.
98. If she normally shops for the food, offer to do the food shopping.
99. Eat lightly on romantic occasions so that you don´t become stuffed and tired later.
100. Ask her to add her thoughts to this list.
101. Leave the bathroom seat down.

As much as I want to share the list about men giving points to women, I cannot because it is written in quite a complicated way, so I rather suggest that you grab your own copy of the book and learn from it.

1 Gray, John Ph.D., 203-209, Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus, 1992 Harper Collins Publishing

i am hoping for my own fairy tale...

i was checking on the latest posts by my blogger friends till i got to bianx's (naks! close?)  latest post. while reading it, i told myself, wow! "sakto!"

i myself is in a long distance relationship for 1 year and 5 months now to be exact... i thought everything is going on smoothly between us... till just recently, we were hit by a terrible test of love... as his date of vacation approaches, i too have mixed emotions... excitement... happiness... fear... fear that lead to something he never expected, which i myself didn't expect from myself as well...

i had petty fight with my mom this weekend, which ended with my sudden outburst of "i don't want to go to Germany! nor to any country in particular!" mom was shocked, and me as well. she asked if there is problem between me and U, i said no, the only reason is her. being an only child, i think it is normal that we fear of losing our parents... i have that fear, that if i go and settle in Germany, i'm afraid that i will never ever see her again... see, my reason for not wanting to leave Philippines is because of mom, not because of my love for U...

but i know at the back of his mind, after hearing this sudden decision, he's thinking that i don't love him anymore... i do love him... i do want to wake every morning beside him... i do want to patch this distance between and be just right at his side... i miss him a lot, that's for sure... but i am not sure if i am all ready to turn my back and join him and make my own family in germany...

now, i don't know what to do... i am standing by a single strand balancing between my mom and U... each day is dragging and it's making it harder and harder for me... but i don't want to let go any of them... i have imagined my life with U... but with mom's own fears, i only keep on holding back... i cannot think of moving forward, i am so afraid myself...

i wish i could have my own fairy tale... i wish that like pat and pepel, we can also make it through and be able to establish our own family... i wish i could have the strength and the courage to do so...

i love them both... and it's just so hard to choose...

after 12 years, i still miss you...

April 28, 1998: I received a call from a friend in the seminary. The youth camp is scheduled on the 1st of May until 3rd of May at a remote beach resort in Batangas. I was only 14 years old then. Even if I also have the waiver at hand, I was so afraid to ask permission from home. Mom was not around then, she went to the hospital to get your results. You saw the worry on my face, you took the phone and talked to Bro. I saw you seriously talking with him, and then you winked and handed me back the phone. I smiled after saying bye to Bro. That was also the last vivid smile I saw from you.

April 29, 1998: You could hardly stand up from bed. You said it was just the "normal" arthritis attack. I bought that statement, but mom didn't. You asked me if I had given the waiver to mom to sign, you just know how afraid I am of Mom. Mom hesitated to sign at first, but you told her, "let her explore the world outside of this house and of her school, give her the gift of independence." I loved you more on that. Despite the slurry speech that day, you gave me one of the best gifts I could ever have. You forced a smile, but your muscles betrayed you, it ended up like with a twisted lips.

May 1, 1998: I woke up early, ran to your side and hugged you. This day was the start of the youth camp. I will be away for a while. With a little difficulty, you said "take care and enjoy." Those were the last words I you said that I understood. Mom brought me to the meeting place, and left. She said she needs to buy you new set of clothes, but to never mention it to you when I get back. I asked her why, she said it's going to be a surprise. You're going to wear it on the election day.

May 3, 1998: I came back from the camp too late. A little later than what's on the waiver. It's because we had been to a fiesta on our way back. You were asleep already, Mom said that I leave the stories the next day for you were tired. I asked mom if I can sleep in your room, and she agreed. That night, at around 11:00pm, you woke up. I cried. I could not understand not even a single word coming out of your mouth. You were twitching on your bed, but I could not understand what you need. Mom came and helped you up to pee. I cried, as I saw tears running down your cheeks. I cried, as I saw Mom put you back in bed. I saw Mom cried as she wiped away your tears.

May 6, 1998: You gave up on eating. you turned away from medicines. You just kept on sleeping. Even if it was my uncle and aunt's anniversary, there was nothing to celebrate. The house is full of gloom. I held your hand, and you seem not to notice it. You breathe, yet you seems to be so far away. I cried. Mom said, I must stay in my room and do my thing. I ended up finishing the stitches I was making. Sadly, you were not able to see my stitching project done.

May 8, 1998, 2:00 in the afternoon: My cousin went to my room to see my stitching project. She was doing the same design. I was so excited to show her how far I had gone ahead of her. We were chatting, when we heard Mom's cry. We ran to your room, and saw Mom hugging you. Your sister holding the rosary and calling out your name. She kept shouting for you to come back, but you were just there, lying. I saw my auntie hugging Grandma, Grandma is crying, almost collapsing. Uncle told me to call their other siblings and tell them to go home. Then, my cousin made it clear to me, when she hugged me. I just cried. Held your hand and sit by your side as I cry with mom. You were gone.

In two days time it is 12 years since you left us. Almost the same time when you left us, election is about to happen. Even if it has been 12 years now without you, it doesn't change. Every smell of coffee flower reminds me of you, those times when I was small when you would put up the hammock by the coffee tree and we would spend hot summer afternoons there. Every coffee beans that I see being dried reminds me of you, those harvest times when you would bring me with you, and you'd laugh at me as I sort the red coffee beans from yellow, green and orange. I always give up in the end, it's too tedious to sort the beans by color, when we have tens of sacks of coffee beans for drying. The smell of shrimp paste reminds me of you. Those times when you had lost your appetite for anything, and would only eat shrimp paste with your rice. Do you know that I got that appetite from you? I'd rather eat shrimp paste with my rice than eat those fatty foods on the table. I remember you every summer, and all the times we had shared harvesting your crops and visiting your brothers while you teach me ride my bike. I remember you every May as you choose the best flowers for me to offer to the altar. I remember you every Santacruzan and how proud you are to see me and my cousins as part of the queens and princesses. The time that you left us, that was also when we lose interest on such event. I remember you on rainy days and how you would put on my rain jacket and rain boots and bring me around barangay with you. Because of you, a lot of people know who I am, but I could not remember, even their nicknames.

I remember you now that election is fast approaching. You were the one who instilled the political and history interest in me. I remember those times when the candidates would end up not finishing their visits because they enjoyed talking with you so much. I remember you every time I write an article or poem. You were my first fan, and I thank you for that. I remember you when I hear the radio. You were the one who taught me to tune in on the radio when I have nothing else to do. I remember you on Christmas season, and how our house is always filled with visitors, mostly are friends of yours. Since you left us, the house is hardly filled by people like how it used to be when you were here.

I remember you always, Mamay. And I will always remember you, no matter how many years would pass. 

You will always be remembered and loved.

My Heart is Kilig

Whoa! Who would have thought that this simple line would make me laugh real hard, and make me really happy? Bet you, I am in love...

U: you make me happy...

M: ...i will do things to make you happy...even if singing is not my line...

U: my heart is kilig...

U (again): ist das richtig? kilig?

M: *laughing out loud*

U: Love Is ...

Love is the greatest feeling,

Love is like a play,

Love is what I feel for you,

Each and every day,

Love is like a smile,

Love is like a song,

Love is a great emotion,

That keeps us going strong,

I love you with my heart,

My body and my soul,

I love the way I keep loving,

Like a love I can't control,

So remember when your eyes meet mine,

I love you with all my heart,

And I have poured my entire soul into you,

Right from the very start.

M: you make me fall...

I kinda believe love is powerful, it can make a man's bad English really good, just to let the one he loves know how much she means to him...

Now, it's me who's kilig... I can't believe I am feeling so much like in highschool! Hahaha!

Das Wetter

Hayyy... gestern ist schön, heute es ist Schnee...
Ich will Schlitten mit meiner Liebe fahren, aber Schnee wird bald weg sein...
Irgendwie, gestern und letzten Samstag waren die Besten...

...and maybe I love you too...

The detox program that Ody is currently undergoing is so contagious! I guess I am doing really good with my own detoxification, but honestly, it's difficult, it hurts at times, especially when I bravely said to him a few days ago: " forget about me, forget about us, be happy with her, the one you chose over me" (this can be a great line in a song, or a poem, hahaha!).

It hurts like hell, really...

But that was only for a day...

Believe me... The hurt lasted only a day compared to what I had felt before...

Maybe, the thought that somebody else cares about me, somebody else misses me, and he wants to see me as soon as possible (as possible as it can be to see me every morning, just like before, if not only because of the oceans separating us), helped with my own detoxification.



Or maybe it's not just a thought, maybe I have really fallen again this time...



Maybe... maybe not...



Only time can tell...