Reflections

I remember when I was still working at the call center, I was the bitterest person ever in our account. I was fresh from break up and I cannot accept the fact that he ditched me for another woman. One idle shift, I had a heart to heart talk with my team mate and told me one sound advice, which I ignored and laughed at. She did not directly tell me that advice, rather, she told me her own story.

She is happily married with two young boys, and her husband was not her first boyfriend as well. She was also devastated the time she broke up with her first boyfriend, but when she met her husband, everything changed. One time, she crossed paths again with her first boyfriend, and the first thing she told herself, "thank God, I did not marry this guy." I laughed at her and told her she was mean. She then told me these words, "believe me, my dear. When you finally meet your Mr. Right, when your Prince Charming finally finds his way, you'd utter the same words when you see your ex again." I did not believe her and even told her that would be totally impossible. Her final words were, "you only say that now because you're still hurt, you still hold on to a false hope that he'll be back. He won't because he's not the right guy destined for you. You are one of the sweetest person I have met and there's no other explanation acceptable why he did this to you. Believe me, and when you find the man for you, you'd remember this moment and you'd remember me and tell yourself that I am right."

Today, as I write this blog directly from Germany, I remember my dear team mate and friend back in the Philippines. She is absolutely right in every ways. Though I haven't been to the same situation she was, but merely seeing my ex's photo in Facebook makes me sick and wonder why I wasted so many years crying over this guy. I regret those years I lived in anger, pain and devastation, when all those years I could have spent more with my family and real friends. The Philippines saying that regret comes always at the end is totally true.

I am glad I opened my eyes to the reality and turned back to God. Truly, with His help, one would never lose his way. No matter how impossible it is, He makes it always possible. Even two hearts that were miles apart were able to find its way to each other, because that is how God wrote the story. No matter how impossible it may, for two hearts that are meant to be together, in God's time, they will meet and live together.

I thank God for creating a beautiful love story for me. I thank God for bringing me my husband, the only person who understands all my tantrums and moods and still accepts me with open arms and loves me more and more as the day goes by. I thank God that He helped me to open my eyes and moved on and led my path to my husband's arms. I could not ask for more. I am really loved.

February Is Almost Over

In few days, it's gonna be over. March will finally come to keep us company, bringing along a beautiful spring. I, honestly, am excited for it. I had enough of the negative temperature days, I long to see the sun and finally wear skirts (yay! I miss skirts!). Spring means new life and I am welcoming it with open arms!

I had promised, since the day I started this blog, that I will be treading this path with my head held up and a smile painted on my face. I promise to look beyond the façade of ugliness that is trying to hover over the beauty of life. And I realized that I really can do it. There had been situations in my life this month that was really hard to be happy. New environment because I started to go back to school, new people challenging my patience and friendliness everyday, different cultures that make it hard for me to adapt and make friends that easily. I almost gave up, I wanted to go back home. It was so difficult for me, I got to see real life, and being happy was a challenge. But I shrugged the negative feelings, painted a smile when it is hard to show a genuine one. Little by little, I am starting to win new friends. Little by little they sit beside me now and start talking with me. I no longer need to paint a smile, for I can already do it genuinely. It is hard to be happy at the beginning, but once all the odds are out, everything just starts to be all right. One just needs to be a little giving. I hope that at the coming of spring, I can already call one of them my friend.

I am so happy with the kind of life I am living right now. I love my family and I thank them for bringing happiness to me everyday, for supporting me and telling me that there's no reason to give up.

Happiness Is A Choice

I used to be a grumpy one. It seems like nothing ever pleases me. I always felt like the world has turned its back on me. My best friend used to say I am a sad person not because I am always in deep sh*t, but because I always failed to see the beauty in my life. Before, I could not understand her, what beauty in my life had she seen in mine that I failed to see. I am an illegitimate child, though I was able to carry my dad's name by law, all my childhood Christmases and New Years were spent only with my mom. Then, just these past few days, I decided to list down the blessings I had in the past that I forgot to be thankful of:

1. I am alive! My mom gave life to me despite the complicated future awaiting us.
2. Despite the fact that I didn't see my dad that often in the past, he still sent me to the best schools in town.
3. My mom is still there to fight for me and take care of me, even if she got all the right to breakdown and abandon me.
4. My grandpa was always there for me, and filled up for my dad. Even if he's in heaven now, I can still feel his presence in my life, still there for me, guiding supporting and protecting me.
5. I was gifted with a good brain, hence I am always on the list of honor students and always one of those favored by our teachers.
6. We got a house over our heads even if it is just a small one.
7. I got my friends who accepted me for who I am and for whatever kind of family I came from.
8. I was able to get through all the sicknesses I had in the past: heart disease that was diagnosed at the age of 2 which miraculously was healed at the age of 12 (without any operation!), dengue fever which was luckily still at the milder stage (but I had to stay at the hospital for 7 days).
9. As I grow up, my half-brothers and half-sister learned to accept me and my mom and are closer to me and mom than their own mom (except for the youngest who is still aloof to me until now).
10. When I had to take the licensure board exam, I passed it at one take, even if honestly, I spent most of my review days dining out alone or with friends, sleeping, chatting with my roomies and on every social networking sites there is.
11. Finding a job is always a breeze for me, I send my resume, they call me for interview as soon as they received my CV, and then a day after my interview, they'd call me for salary negotiation. It has always been like that, hence I always have the best companies on my list to choose from. This is true for me even now that I am in Germany and my German is still that bad, a week after I signed up for the online job agent, I received an e-mail asking me to contact them for a possible job interview.
12. I met and married the greatest man in the world, next to my grandpa and my uncles. I never thought that I'd be loved this way in my entire life.

Now that I learned to turn on the light, I realized that my best friend is right, I got lots of reason to be happy about and stop living in the gloom. I thank her for reminding me to turn on the light and see all the beauty in my life. Happiness is indeed a choice, it is up to us whether we'd forever walk in the darkness or turn on the light that we always forget we always carry in our pockets.