Life Goes On

I used to be a grumpy one. It seems like nothing ever pleases me. I always felt like the world has turned its back on me. My best friend used to say I am a sad person not because I am always in deep sh*t, but because I always failed to see the beauty in my life. Before, I could not understand her, what beauty in my life had she seen in mine that I failed to see. I am an illegitimate child, though I was able to carry my dad's name by law, all my childhood Christmases and New Years were spent only with my mom. Then, just these past few days, I decided to list down the blessings I had in the past that I forgot to be thankful of: I am alive! My mom gave life to me despite the complicated future awaiting us. Despite the fact that I didn't see my dad that often in the past, he still sent me to the best schools in town. My mom is still there to fight for me and take care of me, even if she got all the right to breakdown and abandon me. My grandpa was always there for me, and f...

At 21, I had my first serious boyfriend. I know for some, I am a late bloomer, but it is all because out of fear from my mom. I grew up with the greatest fear that if I entertain a guy, my mom would throw me out of our door. I honestly had liked a guy at a younger age, but my mom showed me her steel fist, hence I waited until I graduated from the university. However, this guy turned out to be not the right one for me, in short, a nightmare. I threw away my life because of this guy, putting myself and my mom’s life on the edge. I was so blinded, that I was ready to turn my back from my mom. But the 21 years that mom and I shared cannot equate our year-old relationship. Truly, blood is thicker than water. When mom got sick all because of my one year upheaval, I turned my back from love. I told myself it is going to be me and mom until the end of time. Three years after,  I was determined to reach for my dreams, for me and for my mom alone, and I was determined never to love again. I...

I'm back! and I was gone for how many days? 5or 6? Anyway, I pampered myself for stress-free days at our province. Though first two days were still stressful, but it was fun! For the second time, I portrayed one important role in our annual Holy Week play. But sadly, I failed this year. Eventhough the result was not to my liking, I did had fun seeing old faces and meeting new faces. Indeed, Teatrong Kumot had been my second family. I missed them. I missed the old times, I missed the people. It seems like decades since we last laughed and shared stories. Some have gone to other countries, but it's heart warming to know that they still do remember us, and did their best to wake (even if it is kinda late at their side) and give us a call and send their good luck. I am not sure, but maybe this is the last year I will be portraying a role, and be with them physically. Soon, I will be like the others, felt only in spirit, for I will also be out of the country soon. Even if it's s...