Relationship Goal

Lately, I have read an anonymous letter in a forum of Filipinas married with another nationality and she has issues on infidelity of her husband. She's pregnant so she thought it is partly her fault why her husband is in search of another woman, because he has sexual needs that she can't satisfy. I felt sad and angry on how she argumented to "justify" her husband's infidelity, because she partly said she's okay with it, because she can't satisfy him as long as the baby is still in her.

I was in almost the same situation. Four years ago, I was diagnosed with thoracic aneurysm and aortic dissection, and it is due to a genetic disease I never knew I have. I was devastated, depressed, because I was a ticking bomb. I told my husband, if he meets somebody else, I would understand, at least I know he is taken cared of in case I pass away. I kept on telling him that for two long years until my biggest operation in 2017 to close the aneurysm. On the day before my operation, I told him, if I don't survive it, I want him to move on right away and find a woman who would take care of him for the rest of his life. I survived the operation, but I was in coma. Doctors asked his permission to shut down the machines because they don't see any hopes anymore. He begged them another week.... and I woke up.

Up to this time, I have moments of anxiety attacks, but he is still there. I asked him once, why is he not letting go. My husband said, the day he asked for my hand, he told himself, "this girl will be my partner for better or worse, in sickness and in health, her pains will be my pains and her happiness will be mine. No matter what happen, I will never let go of her until my last breath. Because I love her and she completes me". He said, even if we are both busy with our computer games at night and exchanges only a few words, the fact that he knows and feels I am in the same room with him and I am physically well make him complete and happy.

You see, if a guy really loves you, no matter how hard you push them away, they will not leave you just like that. They will not give in to temptation just because you can't satisfy him. Fights are part of every relationship, even ours, we do fight, but we always choose to compromise. We look for solution to close our arguments, we don't throw hurtful words to each other, we keep distance and then when we are both ready, we talk and solve the problem together. Divorce was brought up once, but we both agreed in the end that it is not a solution, rather just an escape goat to face what is really trying to tear us apart. So we put our ego down and compromised. Staying in love is a lifetime decision. Not because the other person is lacking, the other will look for another person just to fill in. If that is the case, sadly but I don't think both parties have found their true love with each other. In this case, then letting go from both sides is the best to save themselves from hurting each other.

Happiness Is A Choice

I used to be a grumpy one. It seems like nothing ever pleases me. I always felt like the world has turned its back on me. My best friend used to say I am a sad person not because I am always in deep sh*t, but because I always failed to see the beauty in my life. Before, I could not understand her, what beauty in my life had she seen in mine that I failed to see. I am an illegitimate child, though I was able to carry my dad's name by law, all my childhood Christmases and New Years were spent only with my mom. Then, just these past few days, I decided to list down the blessings I had in the past that I forgot to be thankful of:

1. I am alive! My mom gave life to me despite the complicated future awaiting us.
2. Despite the fact that I didn't see my dad that often in the past, he still sent me to the best schools in town.
3. My mom is still there to fight for me and take care of me, even if she got all the right to breakdown and abandon me.
4. My grandpa was always there for me, and filled up for my dad. Even if he's in heaven now, I can still feel his presence in my life, still there for me, guiding supporting and protecting me.
5. I was gifted with a good brain, hence I am always on the list of honor students and always one of those favored by our teachers.
6. We got a house over our heads even if it is just a small one.
7. I got my friends who accepted me for who I am and for whatever kind of family I came from.
8. I was able to get through all the sicknesses I had in the past: heart disease that was diagnosed at the age of 2 which miraculously was healed at the age of 12 (without any operation!), dengue fever which was luckily still at the milder stage (but I had to stay at the hospital for 7 days).
9. As I grow up, my half-brothers and half-sister learned to accept me and my mom and are closer to me and mom than their own mom (except for the youngest who is still aloof to me until now).
10. When I had to take the licensure board exam, I passed it at one take, even if honestly, I spent most of my review days dining out alone or with friends, sleeping, chatting with my roomies and on every social networking sites there is.
11. Finding a job is always a breeze for me, I send my resume, they call me for interview as soon as they received my CV, and then a day after my interview, they'd call me for salary negotiation. It has always been like that, hence I always have the best companies on my list to choose from. This is true for me even now that I am in Germany and my German is still that bad, a week after I signed up for the online job agent, I received an e-mail asking me to contact them for a possible job interview.
12. I met and married the greatest man in the world, next to my grandpa and my uncles. I never thought that I'd be loved this way in my entire life.

Now that I learned to turn on the light, I realized that my best friend is right, I got lots of reason to be happy about and stop living in the gloom. I thank her for reminding me to turn on the light and see all the beauty in my life. Happiness is indeed a choice, it is up to us whether we'd forever walk in the darkness or turn on the light that we always forget we always carry in our pockets.