For You, A Thousand Times Over

Hosseini succeeded on whatever he had on his mind when he wrote this great book. I may be tagged as a “late bloomer” for only being able to read this book just now, but I don’t think it has something to do with the time one reads this. And after reading this, I will definitely read this over and over again.

Set in the old Afghanistan, it clearly pictured how beautiful the country of Afghanistan was, and how happy people are. I had a little immersion on the lives of our Muslims brethrens, and how some does not really live up based on the Koran, but are living according to what they know is right and just. I guess that’s the best thing in the world. Regardless of what religion one has, the important thing is that everyone understands and knows the difference between right and wrong. Frequent bows for prayer are not everything. To be the best person, one must learn how to humble himself, regardless of the statute, regardless of the ancestry. The Lord (Allah for some, or Jehovah, or Yahweh) had created us all equally, and gave this world as a gift for us to live in. If people know how to humble themselves, then peace is never far behind. Thanks to this book, it opened a lot of truths to me. It helped me see more beyond these wars. If given a chance, I would want to see Afghanistan, back to its old glory, back to the old Afghanistan before the Russians came and set off the first canon ball.

It kinda overwhelmed me and filled my senses with a lot of imaginations. I never thought nor imagined that Afghanistan used to be a paradise for some, until Russians came and called for war. I never thought that there are people who, for once were heroes, and then turned out to be persecutors at the end. I'm afraid and at the same time curious on what Philippines would be in the future, Mindanao in particular. This crazy war are just senseless, and useless. All people just wants peace. I just could not understand how some people can keep their ears deaf from all the cries of babies born in the middle of war, who would grow up orphaned. Or kids whose fathers were killed while they were busy climbing the trees. The haven that most people used to enjoy had turned to dusts. It's sad, but the reality is right here, in front of us.

It is sad that out there, some of our brothers are still engaged in this endless battle. No one knows when this would probably stop, or what can put these wars to an end. How I wish, and pray, that these wars would end, and peace would reign in this wonderful world again.

I’d definitely read this book over and over again. And I wish every time I turn the pages of this book, openness and peace would come out and embrace us all. If only it is possible, I would definitely turn the pages over and over million times.

To our brothers and sisters who are victims and prisoners of this endless war, my prayers and thoughts are always with you. I’ll pray and wish for peace for you and for the whole world. Like Hassan’s message to Amir:

For you, a thousand times over!

i never thought i missed you so badly

thought i heard you knocking by my window...

or was it a pebble to catch my attention...

i immediately leaped and run to see you...

and smile as i see thy hair flow...

i smiled as i watch people along the streets

walking through you and smile

bet it's not only i who missed you

but there are millions of us that do...

how i wish you'd stay longer

pamper me with sweet sound of you

as you trickle down and sing me songs

to lay me down to sweet slumber...

how i wish i can feel you more

with the cold air touching me

giving me the joy and relaxation

that i have missed for so long...

oh my dear rain, please stay

pour down and water these poor souls

let us be free from all the heat and pain

let us be able to dance with you again...

-me talking to the first drops of rain of Summer-

books... books and more books!

I love books. I find happiness reading them. I feel more like myself when I am surrounded with books, regardless of their themes, or who wrote them. Books are my life. If given a chance, I want to work in a bookstore; there I would be surrounded by books most of my time. I would then be in heaven.

 

Despite numerous of unread books at home, I always cannot go out of Powerbooks store without any book at hand, even if the main reason I went inside is to check on their latest book acquisition. And leaving the store is the hardest part of all. For all the books I so dream of having are all there.

I Want to Go Back to School!

Here I go again with a lot of things I wanna do in my life. Latest want: Masters in Human Resource Management!

 

I checked on the website of UST regarding this curriculum, however, there is this certain prerequisite subjects that I did not have during my college days even if I am from UST as well. These subjects are only given at Faculty of Arts and Letters, I think. So that’s the only thing that is hindering me to pursue it, for I do not have ample time to attend these classes with regular students of AB… I wonder if this curriculum can be taken at any VHS (Volkshochschule) in Germany, however, I also want to take Germanistic Studies.

 

So many things I want to do. I just don’t know which way to go. L

schlechtest Wochenende

i hate this weekend... i dunno what made me feel such, could it be this hot weather? or there really is some reason to be pissed off to the nth level.

i have to drive to batangas tomorrow after conditioning my mind that i won't be traveling this week. i got all plans set for tomorrow, now all has gone to waste.

another thing is that i feel like i'm always last on his list. and it feels so bad... :'(

when all i can do is dream...

even if i still got 10 months and 29 days to go before my contract ends, i'm already dreaming of that day when i am out of my contract for real, strolling along the streets of Biebergemünd, flying to Köln and Berlin...  go visit princess ody at Wien... so many things in mind, yet, the time is so far away... for before i can do all those stuff, i need to be out of my bond first, and of course, carry a certification that i can actually understand their language, granted they'll speak slow, (and when i say slow that means sssssssssslllllllloooooooooowwwwwwwwwww).

but even if i dream alot for those days in Deutschland, i still get overwhelmed when job starts to pile in front of me. i dunno, i'm not a workaholic type of person, in fact, i'm all set to leave the office right on the dot, and i hate working on weekends. but when they put a lot of work in front of me (but spare me from 20-page or more of German reports PLEASE!), i get excited to work, and i would always want to start on it fast. why did i say this thing here? it's because i just came from a meeting with my fellow QMS, and despite all my rants in the past about being part of this team, i felt excited seeing the time table of what we should accomplish this fiscal year until next year. only when i was back at my station and checked on the details and i remembered it all again. next year, i might be gone... how will all these progress? i feel guilty that i might leave myra alone on this project... and i have thought, i should have not volunteered to be a part of the team that could understand what i really want to do in my life, in my career.

so many things i want to do and places i want to be at... i wish i can get all these things done in time... it feels much much better to see all my dreams become reality...

okay, seems like my blog is going nowhere... i'm losing my thoughts, my writings seems to be not coherent anymore... please bear with me...

einen lustigen Kaufen

Ich bin so früh heute, so ich gehe erst zu Booksale, ein Buchladen mit gutes Angebot. Ich suche für Dean Koontz Buch „From the Corner of His Eye“ aber sie haben es nicht. Was finde ich dort ist andere. In ein Bücherbrett für Kinder, ich finde das (sehe das Foto). Ich hab nicht voll Titel in Foto weil dass wo die lustige Teil ist.

Während bin ich in Buchladen, ich denke so oft was das letztes Wort meint. Aber mein Zeit ist nicht so viel, so habe ich das gekauft (es ist so selten, dass ich ein Deutsch Buch finde hier) und zum Zug laufe ich (noch mein Gedanke in Buch Titel).

Bei MRT, ich sitze und lese, dann lache ich. Endlich, ich erriner mich was das Wort meint! Danke für das Foto am Seit 40,5 (zwischen Seit 40 und 41), ich erriner mich mein Vokabel.

I do have a VERY POOR GERMAN VOCABULARY! And it gave me an endless laugh for getting this book that I don’t think I would need all my life, not even if I make a career change in the near future.

Curious what I had bought?

Die Buchtitel ist:   Versteh Dein Pferd (Understanding your Horse)

Another fail experience for me. O_o

am supposed to be asleep by now

but am not... am still wide awake at 2:36 in the morning... the sleepy feeling is here, but i chose not to close my eyes... not yet... maybe in 10 minutes or so...

it's been a while since i last wrote here... but it doesn't matter, for nothing significant happened in the past few days... only, the chance of U coming around slid a little further back due to volcanic eruption at iceland, but it's starting to slide forward today again having heard that some airports already opened...

went with my family last saturday for a swim somewhere at san pablo city... of course, it's still at bato springs resort... but i didn't enjoy it... the water was so cold, freezing cold for me, and the maintenance was way too poor now compared to how it was years ago when we first discovered this hidden paradise... i just hope, well, desperately praying, that next year would be different, i hope we'd head to a different place next year... i am just not a real fan of bato springs resort, it's just good for my camera and nothing more...

11 months left and i would finally be free from my contract... i guess i don't have to feel sad if time runs so fast... it's an advantage anyway, march 22, 2011 comes to me faster than i have imagined...

by next month, i'll be taking my SD1 exam... reena took it last week, and she passed! well, according to her, it was "eigentlich einfach!" so maybe, keine Sorgen, i can make it as well... and that gave me a little confidence to take the exam next month... :-)

okay, time to hit the sack... or else, am going to be dead tired at the office later...

searching for the best template

you're not lost, my dear friends. you are exactly at my site. some may have been wondering why i keep on changing the layout of my site. well, this is all for you as well. a good friend of mine (thanks, wheng! hope to read your blog soon as well...)told me that the past layout was painful to the eyes, so as soon as i got home, i searched for the best layout that will not strain your eyes, my dear readers, and at the same time, design that will speak on behalf of me. but my search was in vain. none exists yet that i can say is exactly me (but i think i used to have that layout before, but i seem to have lost it and i can't remember where to find it now. i'm pretty sure it was not from pyzam, i just don't know where to relocate it again.). and yes, my search is not yet over. maybe one of these days, you'll be surprised to see brand new layout again.

oh, how i wish someone great would give me as a gift one best layout that can describe the real me: abstract/ random, hues of blue, pink and white, nature-loving, musical, mysterious.

Why Do Time Runs so Fast???

It's Sunday night once again, tomorrow's start of another work week. I hate it. I want to stay more here at home. I feel much, much better when I am home, and only see the people I so love to see. The office is composed of both interesting and uninteresting people, and the ambiance is becoming boring...

Anyway, A2,1 is dissolved, I think. None of my former classmates are proceeding with the class, so this semester, it is possible that the level is out. I have decided, finally, to take the exam on the 24th of May. It is the best date, for it is holiday in Germany, then I do not need to hurry on my exams. I think God is giving me reasons to take the exams ASAP.

There are a lot of out-of-town plans, on Saturday is for my Uncle's birthday celebration, and on the 29th of May would be with my German class classmates. I am so excited. This is the kind of out of town I so love to join in, activity wherein the people I would go with are people I love to be with, people that I know, I would very much enjoy the company. I wish my days are filled with these people, day and night.

To Enroll or Not to Enroll in A2.1

The semester for A1.3 has finally ended. I finished the course with only 7 weeks attended out of the 12 weeks it ran. I feel like I wasted my money enrolling for that semester. Now, the question is, should I enroll for the next course, the second level (A2.1)? I’m afraid I might not be able to attend all sessions again. It is mainly because the time is in the morning. It is difficult to wake up at 6 in the morning on Saturday, when you got home as late as 1am from work. I am thinking of doing it all by myself, since, that’s how I coped up last semester, by self-study.

I wonder why don’t they provide afternoon class on Saturday for someone like me.

Hooray to Great People Who Endured the Death March!

Today is Philippines' legal holiday, and it is called Day of Valor. It reminds us of World War II incident wherein all males of the country, at least all, I am not sure with the numbers though, marched all the way to Bataan. A lot died along the way, due to thirst and hunger and violent death through Japanese bayonets. It was hell, it seems like Filipinos were marching to hell, and women are watching parade of men dragged to their death. It was hell, it was sad, it was painful to see. Today, we reminisce and give credits to all their sufferings for the people of the country.

Wherever they may be, I'm sure they are all looking down on us with a smile. I just hope that the government would do their best to bring the country to the top again. It is the only way we can return the favors to our ancestors who fought for this freedom that we all experience.

Let us not only remember the courageous and the virtuous on this day. Let everyday be an offering to the great men of Bataan, and let it guide us to a better future as a DEMOCRATIC country.

ich bin ein bisschen frustriert...

Where am i heading my life to? I don’t know. Ich mag nicht mehr als Chemikerin… als Ingenieurin ich mag nicht auch... ich mag als Journalistin, ABER, ich weiß nicht wie zu schreiben. I need some help, but I don´t know on which part of my life do I need the particular help. Everything just don´t fall into its right places.

I want to get away from this mysterious Wonderland. I´ve been sleeping for so long…

When You Are Left Without a Choice

For days, waking up and heading to the office seems to be a very difficult task for me. I always end up dragging myself out of bed and head for a bath. I have lost all my interests and motivation on this job. This all started after that meeting wherein I was left without any choice, of being a QMS representative. I remember back in HGST, I did the same thing, but unlike here, all my co-engineers work on their own documents, and have it controlled by themselves, but here, it’s surprising that all because we were assigned as QMS, they delegated everything on us. This is just crazy! As far as I know, if you have initiated one document, it’s your responsibility to have it updated when needed and re-apply for control at DCC. I hate it when I write articles/ documents and the name at the end isn’t my name. I mean, give credit to whoever it is due! On that article, my name’s only as a proofreader, NOT AS A CREATOR! You are old enough to know the meaning and corresponding actions when you use the word “CREATOR” right next to your name! And to add to that, why not practice Lean Management? Since you managed to upload the changes in intranet, why didn’t you have that document updated AT THE SAME TIME!?! Its waste of time you know? I guess you need to enroll yourself to Lean Management program.

Okay, I feel better now. Enough of the rants for me.

just passing by on Easter Monday

how long had it been since I had this site updated, i cannot remember. it isn't my home now, multiply had gone away from my life...

Happy Easter!

I'm back! and I was gone for how many days? 5or 6? Anyway, I pampered myself for stress-free days at our province. Though first two days were still stressful, but it was fun! For the second time, I portrayed one important role in our annual Holy Week play. But sadly, I failed this year. Eventhough the result was not to my liking, I did had fun seeing old faces and meeting new faces. Indeed, Teatrong Kumot had been my second family. I missed them. I missed the old times, I missed the people. It seems like decades since we last laughed and shared stories. Some have gone to other countries, but it's heart warming to know that they still do remember us, and did their best to wake (even if it is kinda late at their side) and give us a call and send their good luck. I am not sure, but maybe this is the last year I will be portraying a role, and be with them physically. Soon, I will be like the others, felt only in spirit, for I will also be out of the country soon. Even if it's still a long way ahead, maybe a year away before it happens, I am already missing them. It may be sad for me, and for others I had been so close with, but life goes on. People do come and go. For 10 years, I am the one left behind by people I get to be so close with in the theater, soon, it will be my time to go. But even if I will be miles away from these people I grew up and valued most of my life, they will always be remembered and loved.

Teatro Kumot will always be a family to me.

For photos of our past presentation, click this link:
Album 1

and to know more about our group, visit this link:
Teatrong Kumot

Welcome to Circus Town!

Have you been to the Philippines, or at least had lived most of your life in this country? Have you experienced this event that I call "Circus"?

I am talking not about the circus show that are normally seen on Fiesta, wherein they showcase rare, and out of this world talents. This circus show has more than those flying trapeze, or  man-eating fire. To give you the clearer picture, let me describe you this circus with some photos I got over the internet:

need i say more? it's colorful!

despite all the notices that the COMELEC gives, that major streets must be cleared from all these paraphernalia, but what do we see everyday? Another sad thing that I noticed were those banners hanging around our barangay hall, bearing some names of politicians. My cousin did mentioned to me also, a very big banner along E.Rodriguez Avenue (yup, it's an AVENUE where it is prohibited) bearing the FACE AND NAME OF THE RICHEST PRESIDENT-WANNABE (you just do the guessing, i would not give a clue, not even if you'd ask me to bathe in a sea of trash).

 (this photo is not current, but from years ago)

Awaken by various cars and trucks and jeepneys playing catchy jingles every now and then. It's no different from a promo car announcing that the circus is coming and will be performing live shows. The only difference is, that these jingles, along the streets and by the TV are painful to my ears (note, I pertained to my ears, this is my personal opinion) and are just empty music. No meaning, no important message, EMPTY. When a music is empty of meaning, it is not a music, but rather NOISE.

and after hours of motorcade aboard a car with hundreds of convoyed supporters, they will go to the slums, shake hands and hug people by the streets, making sure there are eyes to see of course, and camera if possible and after all the hand shakes and hugs and picture taking, they will immediately go back to their cars, close thee door, and utilize bottles of alcohol with squinting eyes. That's what I call...

PAKITANG TAO.

Funny, these politicians promises a lot of things, including a better environment, but look at how they pollute the country. Look at how messy they make the country look, how can they attract tourism with all these dirt? How they contribute to air and sound pollution. Do they live up to their words? I don't think so. They always make themselves visible on public places, and utter inhumane things against the other candidate, but when the RIGHT PLACE calls for them to have a FACE-OFF (NOTE: HARAPAN 2010), they all turn their backs and give their own alibis. How can the countrymen believe you when you are so afraid to face your opponent and answer impromptu questions from the people?

I love circus. I love the vivid colors and the uniqueness of personality of the people performing for the circus. It alleviates sadness and gives happiness and child-like feeling. But I hate how politics try to be a circus, just to attract people.

I hope these wanna-be's will understand, that politics is not just about attracting voters. POLITICS IS ABOUT DOING SOMETHING FOR THE COUNTRY MEN. You do not need to be from the poor nor be the richest, nor be a son or daughter of a politician or a hero. YOU MUST HAVE A HEART INTENDED FOR THE PEOPLE. YOU MUST HAVE THE KNOWLEDGE AND UNDERSTANDING OF THE LAW AND DEMOCRACY.

As a politician in Philippines, YOU ARE ONLY A REPRESENTATIVE OF THE WHOLE NATION, so do not think that this campaign must always be about you. It must be ABOUT US, FILIPINOS.

Di kelangan na nakaligo ka sa dagat ng basura, o anak ng mabuting lider. Kelangan ng bansa ng taong marunong mamuno sa malinis na paraan, at tuturuan ang bawat Pinoy kung paano iaangat ang kanyang sarili sa kabila ng kahirapan. Hindi kailangan ng Pinoy ng himala o biglaang yaman para lang makaahon sa kahirapan o gutom. Sabi nga ni Jesus Christ, bigyan mo ng isda ang taong nagugutom at sya ay mananatiling gutom, ngunit turuan mo syang mangisda, at  di sya magugutom kaylanman.

Teach men how to fish, teach Filipinos how to alleviate themselves, then, you give the country a big favor. When a Filipino knows how to work for their living, JUAN TAMAD will be just part of the history, then more investors will come. Big investors then will believe, Juan Tamad is dead, Filipinos are worth it to give them jobs. Then, one by one, we can pick up the pieces, and we shall rise again.

We did it before, ask your parents or grandparents who saw it through Marcos's time. He might be a dictator, but he did showed that Filipinos can be disciplined, and are hardworking. Marcos made it possible for the country to be one of the richest in Southeast Asia.

So, fellow Filipinos. It may be Circus time once again. But, I appeal to you, read between the lines. Learn  to read their faces. Look through their hearts. Study what they have done in the past. Use our brains, and not our hearts when voting. Di ka ba nagtataka na preserved talaga ni Villar ang bahay nila sa Tondo para sa eleksyon na toh? Di ba napaka-showbiz ng lahat? Lahat ay planado, pagkat ginagamit nya ang paniniwala na ang mga Pinoy ay maawain, at palaging lamang sa puso ng Pinoy ang mga inaapi.

Di natin kelangan ng mala-telenovela na buhay ng isang politiko. Di natin kelangang mabingi sa mga jingles nila. Di din naman talga natin kelangan gawing isang malaking CIRCUS TOWN ang Pilipinas. Lahat sila nanungkulan na bilang Mayor or Senador or Congressman or direktor ng iba't ibang sangay ng pamahalaan. Tingnan natin ang nagawa na nila, wag nating pakinggan ang pangako nila. PROMISES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN. We need someone who will fight for the Filipinos against oppression, not to fight against other leaders because of position.

Welcome to Circus Town! The Circus has just started. Enjoy the show while it lasts. The Circus will only be until June 30th of 2010. 

AND don't forget to VOTE for your FAVORITE CIRCUS PERFORMER 

on MAY 10, 2010. 

VOTE WISELY! 

 -just thinking aloud-

time for some reflection

last week, we were hit by a 6.1 earthquake, while we were on the 32nd floor of our building. it was indeed terrifying. i mean, i had been trained since grade school on what to do in case of fire, but in case of earthquake, that's the most frightening thing for me.at my seat, you can hear the glass shaking and seems like it'll break anytime, the posters and the blinds were swaying really endless, my office chair DID moved. my heart's skipping a beat, i knew that time i am going to have nervous breakdown at any minute. but i have to look calm, for i am part of the ERT, and number one on the list to do is DO NOT PANIC (but at the back of my mind, i want to run through that exit and evacuate). i can't remember what i kept on saying, i could not even remember if i did called on Him.

just few days ago, when it happened, and tomorrow's going to be Palm Sunday. the time when Jesus was welcomed warmly in Jericho, but executed afterwards. the day that marks the start of Holy Week. the day when we are all asked to repent and reflect. it is not a week to fly to great sands of Boracay or Palawan, or sail to Puerto Galera. it is more of a day to speak with the Lord, thank Him for our lives, for the food we eat, for the work we manage to have. ask for His forgiveness and repent with all our hearts. that is the true meaning of Holy Week, it is not mandated just to give us time to hit the beach, it never was. and it seems sad that young people of today seems to have forgotten that one.

i don't know how it looks like for others, but i believe, what happened to us last week was a wake up call. we all seems to forget God due to our busy lives, and unimportant things. i admit, i am guilty as well. i guess, it's time to turn back to God and reflect. He is just there, waiting and ready to hug us anytime.

it's paying off

And I hope that time will run faster… my health is starting to deteriorate… L

Thanks but no thanks

This afternoon, I had a meeting with my senior engineer. I thought I was going to be reprimanded for not following the dress code for a week last week. To my surprise, it was not. It was about what my supervisor told me yesterday, of being a QMS Controller.

If I am in a manufacturing company, I might say yes right away, being a QMS is something. It adds to the beauty of a resume of an engineer / chemist/ physicist. However, this case was a little different. Knowing my team mates for quite a while now, I had to think twice about this thing. Actually, it was offered to me since day 1, but I always end up changing the topic. This time around, I was cornered, via an ambush meeting. The way my senior broke to me the news was quite funny, it's like leaving me without any choice. He laid in front of me all the tasks of a QMS controller, and the management who will be the contact outside of the team, and that the training would be on Monday. Then, he said, but all of these will only be if I will agree. I told him that there are I guess other documentation peeps who had been with the team for more than 2 years, but he cut me off that our manager thinks they are not meticulous enough and would be very critical comes the audit. And yes, the meeting ended up with me accepting the post.

Now, my mind's filled. A lot of things are playing in my mind. This is not something else that I can just turn my back anytime. Plus I will be working with Steve, that ex-pat that annoys me each day. I was left with no choice. I just hope that I can do this ALONE. Yes, I am alone in our team, and will be working with 4 managers and Ren, our admin assistant and my friend. Because of this new task, I was pressured to finish the 20 powerpoint presentations before the week ends. Once the training starts, I doubt that I will be having clear minds, and bet red marks on my to-do list would start to pile up again.

I wish I am back in the manufacturing. :'(

Priceless

i had always wanted to see Alice on 3D, but it's kinda sad naman if i'm alone... so i tagged my mom along, coz if i am to spend another 400 bucks, isn't it best to spend it and make mom experience IMAX as well? so there, i treated mom to a movie date.

i know Alice has been on for a week now, but i am never a fan of first day screenings, or their first week. i always wait for the second or third day of showing it, at least it isn't that crowded.

mom and i were too early, i had reserved for the 4pm screening, so we waited na lang by the IMAX lobby (at North Edsa). and yeah, i'm wearing my "JA!" shirt... my one and only red shirt... hehehe...

IMAX at north edsa is not bad, though i think IMAX MOA is wider... well, it's because of the space i guess... but it's okay, staffs are accomodating, and it's well maintained, except for one incident wherein i think 5 people were telling we were seated at the wrong seat (no only i plus the 4 individuals beside me, mom is safe with her seat), which is kinda weird, because yesterday, when i reserved the seats, these 4 people beside me were booked ahead, because if their not, i'd choose their seats (they got the best seats! middle talaga, but ours is not bad at all, mom enjoyed it). so there, the staff fixed the problem, i dunno where they were sent to sit, i care no more, hahaha!

okay, wrong place, the poster of johnny depp beehind us was not taken. and no time to re-take it. isipin mo na lang kita mo si johnny depp sa likod. :-)

i like the glasses at North Edsa though, that's mom, hehehe... i cannot turn on my flash, arrgh! why is it that everytime i am watching 3D, my flash would start to act crazy, this is the third time...

overall, i like the film, not totally classic story of Alice, and i love it. i just find Anne's make up made her look old. and mom loves it too, most specially the IMAX experience... and yes, she's asking me to treat her for more IMAX films... it's starting to get more expensive each time, huh?

anyway, it's all worth it, mom's smile after the film is priceless... :-)

don't ever let me go... eine Nachricht fuer U...

when you truly love someone, just a thought of him out of your life shatters every bits and pieces of you, your body... your soul...

i miss you U... so much...

can't you fly right by my side that fast? as in right now, right here...

thoughts and fears

thoughts:

• in 9 days time, my countdown will be reduced to one year...
• officially dumped that project (AWOL if that is a job requiring me to report everyday)
• after doing so, i realized that this is not the kind of job for me... i do love writing, but i hate writing stuffs that i am not really interested at...
• now am back to base one thinking of any way/ job to earn extra income...
• am not sure if i am ready to take the Start Deutsch 1, though i had faired this morning in a sample exercise... we'll see on the mock exam next week
• what would my life be at germany a year from now?

fears:

• fear of unbelongingness when i get to germany
• fear of not getting any job when i get there
• fear of not meeting my mom's expectation about my life
• fear of the unknown once i live in a strange land
• fear that i will not meet U's expectations of me

are these still part of QLC? but am 26 now...

jetzt, ich verstehe

after such a long time, i have always been pondering about what my life would have been, should i chose not to take chemistry, and pursue my interest in writing as a career. and then, just yesterday, i gave writing a try...

some may have thought that i already have writing as a career, for i am working as a technical writer, but no, i mean some other forms of writing. with my work kasi, i am free to choose the date of my deadline, but of course, there is still the metrics for my annual appraisal to think of, so i always give pressure to myself, and not my boss giving pressure on me. so i tried something that is close to real work of a writer. i had been a member of gaf for years now, and i just thought of browsing through their projects last night. and i was surprised to win a bid, and needless to say, as his ads says, start right away. and whoa! i was overwhelmed with my first assignment: 6 articles in a day! i think i overestimated my time and myself when i placed that bid. 0_o

now, if you'll ask me, will i continue this crazy thing? i think for now, it's a no, for i got a lot of documents to think of for my real job in the first place, maybe i'll do this again when i got a lot of time for myself in the future, say, when i am in germany and no job yet?

now, how will i be able to say this to my employer? that i'm quitting? or should i finish till i get the total of 50 articles finished? but 6 articles a day is just too much, even if its just 400-words long per article, having it of varying, and TECHNICAL topics, it just isn't fair, i think.

but am glad, i can add now the title "freelance writer" on my name... i only need to get used to those deadlines i think...

Q1 Audit

things accomplished so far:

1. worked on my motivation a little (yey! finally was able to make myself productive, starting last Monday)...
2. i am soon finish with my A1.3 in German, only 5 meetings left, and then SD1 exam.
3. am already on the third book of Philip Pullman, glad I am able to minimize now the number of books waiting to be read here at home, just a little more time, i can purchase anew.
4. never had any paranoia attack... wohoo! no fights in last weeks/ months.

things i must accomplish for the remaining days of the year:
1. lunch/ dinner with friends.
2. muster the game of excitement without expecting.
3. spare some more.
4. read more.
5. pass my SD1 with flying colors.
6. attend A2.1
7. write more
8. finish my "novel".
9. fly to germany and vienna on November (i want!!! badly!)

the lazy girl striked again

yup, i did! i was pre-reg to the event at fully booked, and where was i by 4pm? by SM north edsa, waiting in line to have my phone upgraded, but deymn! the firmware is not available... so i'm stucked with my old phone, old firmware, and same sickness... PLUS! boycott for the 3rd time ang travel writing workshop... next time, i'd never pre-enroll na nga... i was able to write travel thingies naman, kahit panu...

next news, upcoming START DEUTSCH 1... well, reena is asking me to take it with her on the 15th of April... yesterday, i was kinda thinking twice, but today, after the class (yes, we finally finished the 14 chapters for level 1!), and started with some reviews, i had a little confidence to register and take the exams by the 15th, though, the self esteem is so low... then, had a little conversation with our librarian, and he said, if i passed the exam sample in the website, i would definitely get through it... plus, he said, we at Saturday class are most likely to pass, based on Donn's stories, that we are the brightest batch, and that we had longer time to learn... now, i still don't know if i will, hahaha! but i want na sana so i can focus on other stuff, like driving lessons, ABER! ich mag A2.1 auch lernen... hmmmm, so viele Wuenschen!  i need to decide ASAP for the exam have a deadline for registration... scary! pero in fairness, even if i was absent last week, Frau Buenavides thought i never had absences, i can answer all her questions correctly today... vielen Dank mein Schatz, chatten mit dir hilft mir so sehr! (sorry if the grammar is still wrong, note i am only at GI A1.3)...

so there, lazy i maybe, and was unsuccessful with my phone (sooooooooooooooo sad!!!!!!!!!!!!), but at least i am excelling in one thing, and i can't wait to be living in germany!!!

friday the 130th

hooray to my 130th post!

which is not the truth, for if someone do remembers, i had said few months ago that i am bidding blogger goodbye, and during that time of depression, i deleted a lot of post, as in a lot... well, one big reason why i thought of deleting this was because of my URL, which is, of course, impossible for me to change now... but now, i've mastered the art of acceptance, and let the URL be just a plain URL, walang arte-arte, wala ng emote...

lately,  i've noticed that i've frequented more here, than my facebook and twitter... which is, a good news for me! i am able to write longer articles again (i am active at triond again)... but, despite the interest going back into me, i'm still having a hard time completing my novel, my first ever attempt to write a novel, but there, i'm stuck! princess ody. that's the novel i mentioned before when i am having night mares of the past, such a long overdue novel noh?>  one friend at my lot had motivated me to unearth that draft and complete it, but still, creative writing is always the last on my priority, i have tons of technical reports to finish (still got a dozen to complete, 10 of which are technical presentations). thanks to this site, i am able to unwind at the end of the day. gone are the days that facebook or twitter can help me unwind. i am getting tired of all the usual things in facebook, and one-liner thoughts just seem to be not enough for me. oh well, there are a few apps though in facebook that keeps me on logging for 3 minutes a day, because of petville, i feel guilty if i will forget about my dog (that meows, weird!) and she'll end up in the pound... plus the farmville, where mom is still addicted to right now, i have to log to send her gifts, oh well, i bet soon she'll get tired of it as well, i just hope soon is now.

my tita-lola  thel (weird relation, don't ask how) and my lolo ben will be flying back to texas tomorrow morning. and well, we had only a total of 30-minute talk for their 2-weeks-long vacation. maybe that's also one of the primary reason why she kept on urging my mom to send me out of the country. she thinks my work schedule is crazy, oh well, she's somewhat right, and i haven't mentioned yet about the salary i earn, maybe if i did mention that, she'll push me to get a visa and fly with them. another big possibility of all these things i've heard from mama that she says, is that because they had a lot of misadventures during the two weeks, and soon felt so hopeless for the country (blame it on the repetitive jingles of those president-wannabe's plus all the mess around the metro, and rotating brown-outs). oh well, don't worry tita-lola, i only have barely 1 year to stay here... as mentioned by mom, i'll be following your footsteps, i'll see you soon again.

that's all for now, need to sleep now, gotta work again tomorrow, and language school on saturday (well, i still don't have the courage to face my teacher, after not calling in last saturday, LOL!). and oh, i gotta attend the CEAL travel writing workshop after school. whatta hectic weekend i have... i also need to send jet to his doctor, a new firmware can make him more gorgeous, i believe. ;-)

hope you'd stick around with me till my millionth blog... ;-)

Gute Nacht! Auf Wiedersehen! 

edit: okay, i know now how to change the URL, thanks to princess dipti for giving me a heads up... but i decided not to change na lang... got a lot of editing to do, from my social networks where this is linked, to my widgets, and yes, i am lazy to do that... wag na lang... name lang yan, i can get by with it... 

Summer Time

i am not sure if my procrastination is brought about the season... it's so hot here in the philippines that all i want to do is plunge in the waters... all the feeling of laziness is on me this week...


i though cleaning up my work place would help me start my day right, but well, it was only good for 1 hour, now i am back to the "me" these past few weeks... i can't help not to check on the rates and packages going to puerto galera... i am now tempted to go with my girlfriend to puerto, even if it's just the two of us...


i wish my boyfriend would fly fast, so i can take that looooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggggggg vacation i have been saving on up...


gotta get back working... 0_o

fail!!!! 0_o

Comments from pYzam.com

these past few days, i did a lot of failure... from technical answers that seems to be unclear and out of this world, to my translations that are now sounding weird... i dunno why, but it's like i'm not being myself... something is definitely wrong, and i am hating it...

oh well, i think, it's better to just sleep now and start anew tomorrow...

Grab a Graphic from pYzam.com

ay, no! just wake me up when it's MARCH 22, 2011... for sure by that time, it's a totally new life... another milestone... another land... another life... ^_^

at nangarap naman ako

hiniling ko na makita ang larawan na natatago... bagaman mas uso na ang facebook, pareho tayong may pangalawang friendster na nananatili... ngunit, di mo ako pinagbigyan... ang daming tanong, para bang nasa presinto ako at tinatanong ng paulit-ulit, tipong may gusto kang mapiga mula sa kin... anu bang gusto mo marinig? "gusto ko makita kasi nagseselos ako", ganun ba? eh bakit ko naman sasabihin yan, eh alam mo naman na masaya na ko sa buhay ko ngayon. kung sana noong mga panahon na magulo ka, at aalis ako papuntang alemanya, kung sana nagsabi ka ng totoo, baka naiba pa ang takbo ng kwento ko, at ng kwento mo... pero magulo ka eh, di ko maintindihan... at may ibang tao na ang nakapag-ayos ng buhay ko na inaasahan ko noon na ikaw ang aayos...

ngayon, asa malayo ka na din...ikaw naman ngayon ang lumayo... pero kahit ang layo mo, ang dami mo pa ding sinasabi na wala pa ding direksyon... hanggang kelan mo ba itatago ang lahat? hanggang kelan mo gagawing malaking palaisipan ang lahat ng nakaraan sa ating dalawa? hanggang kelan mo itatago mula sa akin ang mga sagot sa katanungan kong nalibing na sa loob ng anim na taon...
 
minahal kita, isa akong sinungaling kung itatatwa ko ang katotohanan na yan... kaya wag mong sasabihin na manhid ako, minahal kita, pero napagod ako sa kakahintay... napagod ako makiramdam na lang sa kung ano ba talaga ako para sa iyo... napagod ako sa mga inaarte mo... napagod ako, na umabot sa puntong, naghanap na ako ng bagong mamahalin... pero alam mo, na sa tuwing tinititigan mo ako, naaalala at naaalala ko ang mga panahon na mahal pa kita, at di maalis sa akin ang mangarap ng: "ano kaya kami ngayon kung di ako napagod?"

kaya, awa mo na, pakita mo na ang mga litrato na tinatago mo dyan sa baul mo sa friendster... at nang matapos na ang pangangarap ko... tama na ang pagbibigay ng "clue" dahil sarili ko lang lagi ang iniisip ko na tinutukoy mo... oo na, makapal na ang mukha ko para isipin na ako yun, pero naman! ang mga linya ng kanta na pinipili mo, at ang huling mga katagang sinagot mo, di naman malayong ako ang tinutukoy mo, ngunit, wala naman tayong litratong dalawa di ba? mapwera na lang mula yun sa kasal ng kapatid mo, at sa teatro...

naaalala kita pagminnsan... pero tapos na yun, nakaraan na lang kita... sa alaala na lang ang lahat... dahil tapos na ang pagiging martir ko... panahon na ngayon para mahalin ko din ang sarili ko...

New Discovery

i was playing around as usual, while procrastinating over these tons of work i have to finish, when i passed by this post and directed me to this newly interesting site, and of course, signed myself up!


myLot User Profile


that's my profile page, and i hope i can gain more clicks from there... ;-)

wish list

When I was a little kid, my dad brought me 2 hardbound books, which, only God knows where they are. They are two classic stories namely, Black Beauty and Alice in Wonderland. I was able to read the first chapter of Black Beauty, but since I was no fan of big and really thick books when I am in grade school, I simply put the books on the shelf, just for decoration, just to boast to visitors that I do read classics, and I want them in hard binds. Then, when I am all ready to read those books, they are gone! I dunno how it all happened, and it saddens me too much. Those prints were very rare and very expensive.

Enough for the off-topic introduction, those books just came into my mind because I am so much into reading again. Even if I still got lots of books piled at home, there are still lots of books I want to acquire, AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Below, I will have my list of books I have finished reading, books I am currently reading (I do read simultaneously), books I have at home that are waiting to be read and books that I am dying to have. I just wish that the last list would soon move to the second list.

Books read in the last 5 years:

1.      Bob Ong Books (yes, all of them)

2.      My Sister’s Keeper by Jodi Picoult (currently with my cousin, Zyme)

3.      Nineteen Minutes by Jodi Picoult

4.      Clash of the Civilizations and Remaking of World Order

5.      Road Less Travelled by Scott Peck

6.      Northern Lights by Philip Pullman (adapted as The Golden Compass)

7.      The Subtle Knife by Philip Pullman

8.      Who Moved My Cheese

9.      Door to December by Dean Koontz

10.     Voice of the Night by Dean Koontz

11.     Night Chills by Dean Koontz

12.     False Memory by Dean Koontz

13.     Mind to Murder by P.D. James

14.     Hundred Years of Solitude by G.G. Marquez

15.     To Kill a Mocking Bird by Harper Lee

16.     The Old Man and the Sea

17.     The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (though I believe that book is not complete, so this still appears on my 4^th list, still checking on the shelves of bookstores for other volumes)

Books I am currently reading:

1.      Culture Shock! Germany

2.      The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman (last in the series)

3.      Anna- Geschichten (borrowed from Goethe, by the way, not mine)

4.      Novembernacht by Christoph Wortberg (again borrowed from Goethe, great read indeed)

5.      Adventures of Alice in Wonderland 

Books waiting to be read:

1.      The Kite Runner

2.      Fruitcake (related to Eraserheads’ album Fruitcake)

3.      Das Verlorene Symbol (German edition of The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown)

4.      Die Brooklyn Revue (German edition of The Brooklyn Follies by Paul Auster)

5.      Don Quixote

Books I want to have ASAP:

1.      Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll

2.      Lyra’s Oxford (this is like the Hobbit to the series LOTR, this one’s for Philip Pullman’s Dark Materials, and I am wondering where can I get this one!)

3.      A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

4.      Classical Mythology: Myths, Legends and Fantasies (I only have the Hamilton edition)

5.      Clockwork Orange

6.      1984

7.      Arsene Lupin: A Gentleman Thief

8.      Little Prince

9.      Time Traveler’s Wife

10.     Animal Farm

11.     Huckleberry Finn

12.     Tom Sawyer

13.     The Secret Garden

14.     Cyrano de Bergerac (I remember using some parts of this in our Public Speaking class in High School)

15.     Pride and Prejudice

16.     Les Miserables

17.     Oliver Twist

18.     The Count of Monte Cristo

19.     Canterbury Tales (I have read this, I just want my own copy)

20.     Memoirs of a Geisha

21.     Nicholas Sparks’ books (ALL!)

22.     A Child Called It

23.     A Thousand Splendid Suns

24.     Lord of the Rings Trilogy

25.     The Hobbit

There are still some books that I find interesting that I want to read, but are really not top of my priority, most I must say, are more for teens/ young adults, just some light reading, but I fancy the classics more these days… I might update these lists from time to time… ;-)

How I wish Power Books do carry it all, then, I have no problem searching somewhere else, however, I’m afraid they don’t.

amidst the stillness of the night

we drove home to batangas tonight since i got an early appointment with my dentist tomorrow...and it surprised me that, despite the summer heat at manila, it's as cold as december here at night... to prove that, here i am blogging while the whole neighborhood is fast asleep, for my allergies won't let me sleep. despite the difficult times with my allergy, i'm missing this kind of life...

i miss being awaken by the sound of people passing by,greeting everyone by first name, like we are one whole family. i miss waking up as late as 12noon without the need for an air conditioner even if it is peak of summer. i miss those times when all i need to do are eat, watch the tv, or listen to the radio while reading a good book, and if we wanted to, we can drive to the sea in less than an hour (but of course, minus the expectation of fabulous resorts such as bora, puerto or palawan,it's just a plain looking sea with black compact sand, but still, the view and the relaxation it gives is truly awesome!).

i wish i can do it all over again...

i missed this

gawd, i miss this! i really do, just to sit in front of my laptop and blog the night away... problem is, i can't do this often, not because i got no time, but because i got no more bright idea to write...

writer's block, they call it...

where are you now?

i had been hearing this song for so long, and i find it kinda funny, i mean, i didn't write this song, but it sure says a lot about my grade school and high school days (especially the part over the 5th grade crush)... it just makes me miss them more and more...




really, where are you now guys? i miss the good old days... :'(

wo sind wir gehen?

the whole family are all gathered by the living room watching the finale of PBB, while am here in our room, with my ipod on my ears so that i won't hear what's going on with their most favorite show...

i have lost my interest on that show since the most interesting people were evicted one by one... only remaining interesting people are the love team of the year, and paul jake, however, i hate my family's comments over paul jake. i mean, why on earth is his wealth a big NO for them to win the grand prize?!?! i mean, PBB IS A REALITY SHOW, THAT IS NOT A CHARITY SHOW!

hearing them rant like this and that, i can't help but think, what more would they react on the REAL ELECTION?!?! nothing pleases them, except their bet, who is one great player (in this way, i can clearly picture the win of Villar or Aquino, great players in this real world of politics), rather than the one who have pure intention, and never bragged about where or who he really is or what he can do.

i like one forumer's comment, and i hope PBB team would do that next time, so that people thinking that this show is a charity show would benefit from it: LET PEOPLE WHO AUDITION BRING ITR!

oh well, where are we going, dear Filipinos? with the way you use your minds, where is Philippines directed to go? this is making me really sad...

looking back to the past

sometimes, i wonder, if i have not done what i have done in the past, where would i be now? a lot to look back, and a lot to be thankful of... no regrets after all...

1. if i did not agreed on living with my auntie when i was small, would i be so in love with the provinces?
2. if i went to saint bridget's instead of canossa, who would be my group of friends?
3. if i chose not to go back to canossa after withdrawing my tuition in the thought i needed operation, who would be my closest friend now? would it be camille (the girl living by the next block who i usually go with going to UST)
4. if i chose not to follow mama, and took up what really interests me, where would i be now? would i be like kristel working for a newspaper or somewhere else?
5. then, if i did number 4, maybe, i would have not my heart broken like the last time...
6. but if that is so, then i would have not landed on this job of mine...
7. and if all these things happened in the past, i doubt i would ever meet U in my life...

and am so glad, all those things never happened... 'coz i am much more happy on where i am now... despite all the tears i cried, all the pains and all the miseries...

because after all those storms in life, i have found a very beautiful and lasting rainbow...

and i just think of you anywhere, anytime...

Vin Diesel = Uwe = L♥VE!!!

and i have just thought about it randomly... :-)

1st Month Audit

so there, that is why i hate making new year's resolution. i happened to read through my posts, and sad to say, as i report my first audit of what i have done to change my life, i must say that, i am only able to do one thing: to proceed with my german classes.

i still lack full motivation to work...
i always fail to attend to my Sunday obligations...
i still am paranoid at times (especially when there is no answer on the phone when i call)...
i still don't have enough in my savings...
i am still fat (based on my personal understanding of fat)...
i am still the same old me back in 2009...

and it's just so sad... :(

only 1 hour left and it's going to be february... i hope the 2nd audit will be better...

auf wiedersehen!

when will it be?

i am back to my german classes, and finally on my A1.3... but i am not yet that confident to blog in straight german language... i don't know why, but i am really not confident yet with my language level...

reena and i had planned to finish the language to C level (native speaker), that is, if we're still both here in the philippines. if not, then maybe we'll just see each other in deutschland... ;-)