Dream

“You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.” 

― C.S. Lewis

I came across this quote at goodreads.com and it made me think. For days (or better yet, for months), I have no idea what to do with my life here. I feel depressed and hopeless for I felt like I do not have a bright future here, nor a career to add on my name. I have always blogged that I miss the days when I was still working, when I am busy on some other things. But these days, it's all routinary for me: household jobs. I do not regret being a housewife too, I just find it too boring. I want the excitement back in my life. Sometimes, it feels like my mind is no longer working like it used to be. I tend to be so forgetful on lots of things. My husband himself told me it's because I am not used to doing only domestic jobs, since I am used to thinking analytically. One reason why he is suggesting that I go back in the university, in that way, I can put my mind at work again. However, there is this part of me that does not believe on my capabilities. I am afraid, and I always have this voice in my mind that says, "you're too old for that." It disappoints me and makes me lose hope. Until I bumped into this quote by C.S. Lewis, the author of Chronicles of Narnia. He is right. I just need optimism and the strong will. It is never too late for anything. I can achieve whatever I wanted to achieve. With this in mind, I therefore declare, I will go back and study again and do what I really wanted to do.

I will be successful in my own way. I may not be able to work again as a chemist, but the other job that I so wanted to do, I shall have it accomplished. I will not give up and try and try until the last breath in me. Age is only a number, what is important is the will of my heart and how I take each step at a time.

I will succeed and I claim it today.

Chase Your Dreams

My friend posted this status on his page: "I used to dream of being a musician. Now that I am old, will I still be able to pursue it?" Without hesitation, I commented and told him that age should never be a hindrance on chasing one's dream. This topic inspired me to write this blog.

When I was two years old and the elders would ask me what I wanted to be when I grow up, my answer was very simple and sounds stupid: I wanted to be a sales lady. I am not quitr sure why I answered that. While other kids of my age would say they wanted to be doctors or nurses to cure the ill, pilots or stewards to travel the world, my answer was to be a sales lady simply because I find them fashionable and pretty. However, unlike my friends whose dreams never changed till they grow old, mine transformed into totally different goal in life: as I started to learn the ABCs and be able to write them, I realized I wanted to be a writer. I found the beauty of words and how fashionable they seem to be when they sit beside each other. Each phrase or sentence is unique and beautiful on its own way. Because of this admiration, I had also wanted to be that artist behind those stories and poems. It was a dream I never got a chance to fulfill,yet.

I stopped chasing this dream when I was on my last year in high school. My teacher on Creative Writing told me one devastating sentence that shattered my dream of being a writer: "you lack the talent and skill of being a writer." I actually did not cry hearing this. I was just totally destroyed. All the phrases I gained from my family and friends regarding my works (essays and poems) were all put into thrash by this woman who gained her degree on English and Literature. I believed her words because she spent years learning this art I am so in love with, hence she has all the right to tell me that I am not meant to be a writer.

I searched my soul and tried to find my path. I was good in Science, particularly Chemistry and Physics, hence decided to pursue this as a career. However, everytime I work in the laboratory, the chemical labels and reactions are playing on my mind and I always end up describing events and feelings metaphorically using Chemistry and Physics. A friend in the university told me I have the talent to be a writer, but I answered her, no, I got no talent on that. I kept on turning my back away from writing because I still hold on to the words of my high school teacher.

But the more I turn my back to it, the unhappier I am.

I had graduated from the university with average grades. I started working as a chemist and as a process engineer. But I always end up unhappy and would move forward. My resume is so dirty for having lots of company on the list,staying only a maximum of one year on each. I feel so bad and sad about it. I cannot find satisfaction on any of them. It seems like I am treading a totally wrong path. I am so lost. Whenever I would go for another interview and the personnel would ask me why I would leave my current job and if I could stay loyal on their company, I ask the same question to myself. But I got no courage to make a 180° turn and rewrite my life. Hence, in order to help myself appreciate my career and keep my heart happy, I started to blog. When I started to blog, my job as a chemist became lighter.

That was it! My dream never died. It was just lurking in the deepest part of me, giving me signs every once in a while. As a colleague started to read my blog, she said I should pursue writing. I tried to write a poem again, she liked it. They liked it.

Then, I felt free. I started chasing my dream again. I got hired in Emerson as a Documentation Engineer. I realized that I can be both a writer and a technical/ scientific person. In Emerson, I found myself, I was who I wanted me to be, maybe not 100% because I am not writing poems for living, but I am a writer, a technical writer. I am painting using words to help engineers and lay people understand our product. It was a different fulfillment, and I was happy. I now understand why since I graduated, I always see Emerson on every job ads in newspaper and internet. It was a sign for me to finally freed myself and start to chase my dream again.

I am still chasing my dream. There are still parts of it that has not yet materialized. I am still running after it, and I am determined to fulfilling it.

I know the road is still far and wide.
Nevertheless, I will continue dreaming.
I will wake up each day and run after it.
I will never get tired chasing it.
I will not stop, until I reach the top.
I will prove those who belittled me,
That I am more than anybody else.
I will continue chasing my dream.
Hope, faith and determination,
Will be my favorite companions.

I challenge you to do the same.
Go and follow your dreams with haste.