A Year and a Half

If this is some kind of a romantic relationship, this sure is something to celebrate, but it isn’t that way. This is no love story to start with… Even if I like the way they treat me, even if they find me great, this is just isn’t my place. I thought, I belong here, but now it’s clear, I don’t.

How many more days are left for me to reach the 21^st of March, 2011? Why can’t time just run faster? I am not tired of the work, am not mad over tasks, it’s just that I don’t belong here…

I miss the scent of chemicals, the sound of stirring rod as it touches the beaker; I miss the waiting time for the chromatographs from the HPLC and/ or the GC. I miss them, but I am not sure if I can still go back working with them. I mean, yes, it’s great experience being able to work here, I’ve learned a lot, but it has deprived me of the chances to work on these products and can boastfully say that I am a specialist of these products. I may be fully equipped with all the technical terms, and knowledgeable of how these works “technically”, however, the point is, I do not work on them hands-on, all I know are just in words, I have not seen such errors in real life, and they only describe it to me. Then, how can I market myself to the outside world after my bond? How are they going to believe me that I am a specialist of this product when in fact, I only worked on it for 4 months, the rest were only by words.

Sometimes, back-office jobs are not as fulfilling as manufacturing jobs are. Sometimes, it can be as frustrating as any other jobs out there, but I have to hold on and move on.

For now, I know no other way to kill this frustration and boredom, but to simply continue counting down the days.

This is for sure, once I am out of the bond, I’ll try my best to be out of here, and return to the laboratory, right where I used to be…

lemme go!!!!!!!!

I just grabbed this chance when, I’m so dead bored, tired, and sleepy over one document I am asked to rewrite. Today’s the 3^rd day of that document on my table, and even if it’s Friday, I just don’t feel the urge of finishing it. Anyway, the document would take effect on October, and I don’t think it would take a month for a document to reach Lithuania from Germany, right? I can still work on this one next week, oh well, I MUST work on it next week, or else, I’m dead.

‘Tis just so boring Friday, a typhoon is hovering over Philippines (for the 12^th time this year) and the floor is just soooooooo empty. One of my colleague had gone home (she took a half day off) and most of the people are all on their way to Bohol (yeah, despite the unfriendly weather), coz it’s a long weekend for them, yes, ONLY for them. I wanted to scan through my book of Schritte Internationalle I to prepare myself tomorrow, but I just can’t coz of this document waiting to be done ASAP.

Overall, I just want to go home, and tuck myself on my bed. This weather just makes me want to doze off any minute…

it's too late

we walked into the same building, and who would have thought we'd land the job at the same time? was it destiny that we'd even get to the clinic at the same time of that day... we jive on a lot of things, you made me laugh on the most frustrating events on that damn company...

whenever i feel so down and mad over my manager and/or seniors, you're just one message away... you were my one and only best friend on that damn company... we have decided to leave them, and find a new one, i was lucky to land the job on our dream company, and you got into a different one... despite the distance, communication never failed... i am not sure if i am really insensitive, or it is just the right thing... but i admit, i have turned you down several times...

believing we're just friends, i turned my eyes onto somebody else... and telling you that i've finally found happiness, i thought you'd be happy for me... but you turned cold, and the communication almost faded...

suddenly you'd tell me that line after turning you down for the nth time (i don't really know that group and the place's just so far)... but i was so surprised coz you've never been so frank towards me before about such things until today...

anyway, i promised you to get a date before christmas (excluding myself)... and for all the things you've done for me, i promise you, i will, best buddy...

i miss you...

pa'no nga bang magsulat? mula ng makilala ko ang twitter, nakalimutan ko na pa'no ang matinong blog writing... at mula ng mag-refresh ako ng german, namumurol na naman ang bulok ko na english... kinakabahan ako na pag nag-start ako ng classes sa saturday, mawala na ang english sa languages na carry ko gamitin...

i miss writing real stories, real events, long narration, poetry, essays and short stories... i have made a promise to finish the novel, but i just can't, i hope this doesn't mean disturbed sleep all over again... ^_^

Reminiscing Great Democratic Icons

Today’s Ninoy Aquino day, and again, bound to work despite the holiday. But then, it is not a waste of time, because of such, I was able to see, at least even for few minutes, some religious celebration held at Paseo de Roxas here at Ayala Avenue, where Ninoy’s monument is placed. It is sort of like a prayer rally, and then ended with blessing the monument. And stupidity again, not really, I am just afraid to bring my phone downstairs, because earlier, when we were buying souvenir stuffs, there was someone who kept on following us, and Jena mentioned that he acted like wanting to take advantage of the crowd and steal whatever he can get. So, the second time we went down, I brought nothing but myself, hahaha! Anyway, a lot of cams are flashing around, I can grab one photo anytime, there are Flickr, Photobucket, Multiply and other cyber places these photos would be available.

Funny thing is, I went to work early to finish one important document, but ended up procrastinating STILL! Started with the shopping wherein I bought all stuff that shows faces of these two great persons then went on buying foods that my tongue craves, boiled peanuts, and all other street foods that are not normally found here at Ayala. Gluttony, we say, but it’s just today that we would feast and join their celebration. J However, it is way tooooooo expensive day!!! Bought 2 shirts costing 100 bucks each, then a bag which also 100 bucks, but the kind lady gave me a 20 peso discount for purchasing 3 items from them. Then walking back to the building, we saw ID holder with pins, and bought one too, then saw pins and bought 1 too, and even made “patol” to those nail cutter and bottle opener with photos as well! Then the peanuts costs too much here (well, I am not in Batangas anyway), 1 serving is 20 bucks!!! But still, I bought 2 servings, hahaha! Then bought squid balls (which was 3 bucks each piece), and had 7 pieces of it, and oooppps! I saw green mangoes, and got one as well (which is already at 10 bucks!)…

So full, I feel lazy going back to work! All these shopping and eating helped me not to finish this project faster! It just made me procrastinate more…

Photos to follow!

sana'y magbalik na

ang tagal na din nung huli kong update dito... di sa wala ko time, but worse, wala ko bright idea to write...

nakaka-frustrate, almost 1 month na ang writer's block ko... sana magbalik na ang lahat ng ideas sa utak ko... gusto ko ng magsulat!!!!

Para Kay Kuya

Hindi ko ramdam at di ko nakita ang paglakad mo patungong altar, busy kasi ako sa pagtatali ng singsing sa puso. Nangilid lang ang mga luha at nasabing “this is it na talaga” nang makita ko syang lumalakad palapit sa ‘yo. Panibagong kabanata na naman ng buhay mo, at meron na namang dapat haraping pagbabago, para sa ‘yo, at para sa amin.

Unang dating ko pa lang sa probinsya nun, immigrant ako kumbaga. Bawal daw kasi sa akin ang polusyon ng lungsod, nun ko din kayo unang nakilala. Nahihiya pa nga ako kasi bago lang ako, yun pala, mga pinsan ko kayo. Tuwang tuwa kayo kasi nadagdagan na kalaro nyo. Yun nga lang, madami akong di kayang gawin…

Pero di yun mahalaga sa ’yo. Ang dami mong alam na laro na pwede pala ako. Di iniinda ang init ng araw, takbo dito at takbo doon. Pag nadapa naman ako, takbo ka sa bahay at todo sumbong na nadapa ko. Iyak lang ako ng iyak sa sakit ng mertaylet na inilalagay sa sugat ko na ang tingin ko ay bituka ko na ang isinusuka palabas. Pero inaaliw mo pa din ako, at sinasabing malayo pa sa bituka ko yun, makakatakbo pa ko ulit, makakasama pa din ako sa pagpapalipad nyo ng papagayo sa parang, makakapaglaro pa din ng taguan, tumbang preso, patintero, pepsi-7up, langit-lupa, viva-viva, at kung anu-anu pa. At ang most memorable ay ang laro natin ng Shaider, ikaw si Shaider, ako si Annie kasi lagi akong nakapalda, sabay talon sa garden nyo, at ako syempre, instant dapa na naman, at sugat sa tuhod. Tapos, aakyat kayo ng puno ng mangga, sinuegwelas at kape, ako maiiwan sa baba kasi di ako marunong umakyat ng puno. At para di ko maramdaman na “left-out” ako, sasabihan mo si Princess na di para sa babae ang pag-akyat sa puno, kaya dalawa kami laging naiiwan para mamulot ng bunga na ihahagis nyo sa amin.

Tumakbo ang mga araw, at sabi nila, binata ka na. Di ko pa naiintindihan yun nun, tawa pa ko ng tawa kasi nakapalda ka. Sabi ko bakla ka na ata kasi nagpapalda ka na. Kaltok ang inabot ko sa ’yo sa pagsasabi nun. Malay ko ba, yun pala ang simula ng pagbibinata nyo. Mula nung araw na yun, nag-iba na ang mga laro nyo, di nyo na kami sinasali sa mga lakad nyo. Naging malawak na ang mundo mo, magkaiba na ang mundo natin. Pero di naman nagtagal yun, inabutan ko din ang mundo mo, matapos ang 5 taon, naiintindihan ko na ang mga pagbabago sa inyo. Sa mga panahong ito, mas madami ng kalokohan. Di na ko nasusugatan, pero napapagalitan pa din kasi mas makulit na ang trip nating lahat. Pero ilang taon lang, nagkaroon ako ng ibang kaibigan, ganun din kayo. Grupo ng mga babae, at kayong mga lalake magkakasama. Ganun pala talaga ang pagtanda.

Kahit na ganun, may mga masasayang ala-ala pa din. Dati, iniisip mo pa ang mararamdaman namin, pero ngayon, dedma na. Nandyang pitpitan mo ng isang dosenang siling labuyo ang sawsawan ng mangga. Kung di ba naman kadamutan yun. O di kaya ay kaining mag-isa ang mga bunga na inakyat mo sa puno sa itaas ng bubong. Ang tigas ng ulo mo talaga, pero masaya pa din mga panahon na yun. Tapos, pag bertdey mo, feeling natin mga gusgusing bata pa din tayo. San ka naka-attend ng party, children’s party man o hindi, na ang palaro eh taguan, langit-lupa at tumbang preso, ang kulit lang! tapos di ka pa nakakapaghilamos at may muta pa sa mata, asa bahay ka na, pa’no, umalis na lahat sa bahay nyo at walang itinirang pagkain para sa ‘yo. Kaya ang ending, namamahaw ka sa bahay sabay katay ng lata o di kaya ay kupit ng itlog na pula mula sa storage ng paninda nyo sa bahay. Okay lang yun kay Mama, kasi nung ako maliit pa, sa bahay nyo din ako pinapakain pag inaabot ako ng tanghalian dahil sa paglalaro, kaya quits lang. Pinakahuli atang kalokohan na pinagsamahan natin ay ang pagtakas papuntang private pool na ang tanging baon ay isang lanerang leche flan, pang-entrance fee at pamasahe. Ni di natin afford ang cottage, basta mahalaga, makapag-swimming lang. Tapos gabi na, di pa tayo umuuwi, sinundan na tayo, at ang buong akala eh mapapagalitan, pero ang saya natin nung dinalhan pa tayo ng pagkain. Pagkatapos nun, bumalik na ko sa lungsod, pero umuuwi pa din naman, yun nga lang, di na ganun kadalas at katagal ang paglagi ko sa probinsya.

Pero pag bakasyon naman, suporta kami sa ‘yo sa mga laro nyo ng basketball. Yun ang lagi naming inaabangan pag bakasyon. Nakakatuwa ka noon, ramdam na ramdam namin na kuya ka nga namin. Kahit na malupit ang kakaharapin nyo na team, protektado mo pa din kami. Bawal maligawan at bawal magpaligaw, yan ang number 1 rule mo sa min. At sa mahigpit na laban, dapat magkakasama kami at malapit lang sa bench nyo, para sakaling magkagulo, mapoprotektahan nyo kami. At pagkatapos ng laro, diretso sa sasakyan at diretso uwi. Bawal tumambay ng hanggang gabi kung asa ibang lugar, pero sa bahay nyo o sa amin, okay lang kahit hanggang madaling araw.

Madami ka ding kalokohan na pinagkatiwala mo sa amin, at number one sa listahan ang pagiging playboy mo. Ang hirap kaya ng ginawa namin na pagtatakip sa girlfriend mo habang kasama mo ang isa mo pang girlfriend. Ang tagal ka din naming kinunsinte sa mga kalokohan mo. Pero normal yun, pinsan kita eh, at lumaking parang magkapatid na.

Ngayon nga, ay binitiwan mo na ang mga salita ng pamamaalam sa pagkabinata. Nakakaiyak na nakakatuwa. Sa wakas, nagpatali ka na, panibagong yugto ng buhay na naman. At gaya nung nagsimula kang magbinata, di ka pumayag na di ko masasaksihan ang bahaging ito ng buhay mo. Ako din naman, ayokong mawala sa araw na ito. At masaya ako na masaya ka sa buhay na pinili mo. Nakakaiyak, kasi may mababago na naman. Ang bunga ng punong sinuegwelas, di na ako ang papapuntahin mo sa kanal para pulutin ang mga nilalaglag mo. Baka isang piraso na nga lang ang matitikman ko. Pero masaya pa din ako, kasi alam ko naman na kahit na may-asawa ka na, isa pa din ako sa mga bunsong kapatid mo.

Pero sa totoo lang, mamimiss kita at ang mga kalokohan mo, Kuya Panget…

-nene-

Alive and Kicking

After months of being lost in the cyberspace, I decided to give back its life...

Reason?

Nothing, I just thought, "sayang ang mga naunang nasulat ko na..."

Though a lot of posts were deleted, at least I was able to save 101 of it...

And it's alive again... :)

Can't Wait To See You!!!

Not only talking about U, but also, that poster I saw by SM Cinema, which is:

Can't wait! Can't wait!!!

I just wish there is enough justice given to that great novel... ;)

Du Hast Mich

It is 30 minutes before Mothers' Day, and i just finished writing my mom her card. I know she have expected this already,  since every year she do get one from me on Mothers' Day, but I still managed to get her this one, because the message is a direct message of what might come in few years, since I am moving out of the house soon to enter another stage of my life. Also, this is the only time each year that I get very mushy towards her (in addition to her birthday), so I took the chance again! Honestly, this card was like it was written for me, one look at it last Thusday, I did not have to search for another one, it was all that I wanted to tell her, ending, I did not have much personal message written, the poem has said it all for me...

"Happy Mothers' Day Mom, wherever I go, and whatever my achievements be, you will always have me, your little girl, forever and ever. I love you Mom..."

Happy Mothers' Day to all moms out there too!

Thanks Kuya Philip for 20 Years of Patience

In fairness to the group naman, here’s the group picture of the cast. I think God has a reason why my camera was not able to save the group picture of the staff, that is where I am part of, and Kuya Erwin. And if I remember it right, I was standing right beside him.

Thanks Kuya Philip for the 20 years of patience for the group that is composed of this kind of people, all of varying life style, and personality.

It's Just IT...

Before I went for vacation last Holy Week, I was so excited about a certain event, as in I guess, everyone can feel it on my choice of words, but it’s almost a week before I post another blog to tell a story about what has happened. I guess, after that, I am not just that excited.

The play has, as always, gone on smoothly, and many people cried. Kuya Chris is indeed great with the role as Jesus. I thought I won’t be that busy, but it was the other way around (I even got my rashes after). Me and my cousin went there at 7am (they did not have overnight rehearsal, I was there at 5am, but nobody around, so I went back home). Kids just had their breakfast at 7:30am and the old casts are not yet around (except for Kuya Charlie who was surprisingly earlier than me, for the first time, after my 9 years of stay with the group!). Ate Gigi kept on sending me messages asking how everything is. Since she’s not yet around, I have to do the things she do, check every stage and every props needed. Finalize some design if needed. At the same time, I am doing documentation, taking stolen shots of people working on the curtains and props. 8:30 and still, the stages are not finalized. The chairs and plants to accessorize the stages just came, and the gate is closed, the truck cannot get in! What was worst, 9am and the kids are still roaming around, nobody has started to put on make up and get into their costumes. The make up artist for Kuya Chris was not yet around, and other casts are still missing in action (the play starts at quarter to 10). But thank God, we started in time, one yell and everyone ran and did their part.

Honestly, I did enjoy the event; it has always been sort of a reunion for me and my friends’ way back in high school. Though Cathy was not around, it is still the same feeling, seeing and having short talk with people I had grown up with. But there is something that made this year difficult. What is it? It is because this year marked a big letting go for me…

I have never thought letting go of something so dear to your heart can be that difficult… But I am not just letting go, I am offering it all to God, since HE gave me U in return of this very difficult letting go…

I just wish Kuya Erwin is really happy with his choice of serving God all his life…

(…and I need to get used to calling him Brother, which will soon be Father…)

Cenakulo on its 20th Year

I have been part of the theater group for 9 years now, yet, on my 9^th year (and at the same time the 20^th year of the group), I am totally out of the picture. Well, honestly, I have an option, I could have filed this as a leave (I am following Germany holidays), and however, I have been into a big discussion before over my 15-day vacation leave for September, so I guess I am still on the hot list, so I did not attempted on the Holy Thursday. Anyway, I will just be out of the big picture, I will still be there as a support, not the same role I had last year, nor the same busy-ness as last year.

But on the brighter side of this, I think this is good for them and for me as well. We all do not know till when I will be here in Philippines, better that new people are learning the things I have been handling for years so it would not be that difficult when the time comes that I will be totally hands-off of the Theater. For now, they still are able to reach me through phone calls (even in the middle of my sleep this morning, and while I am at work), I just do not see them physically during preparation, but I will surely be there during the play itself (hey, I will be driving off during the wee hours of the morning just to get there in time, despite the monthly cycle I am suffering now!)…

In short, this is like a withdrawal for me from an addiction I have long been with. A withdrawal that is difficult, but as part of my growing up, I have to…

… I just wish I can get to know same lively theater group in Germany and be part of it when I have finally settled there...

Will be posting again soon, after the play tomorrow! Even if I am not one of the major cast anymore, wish us luck for tomorrow!!! :D

Nineteen Minutes

Rating:	★★★
Category:	Books
Genre:	Literature & Fiction
Author:	Jodi Picoult

"Synopsis:

In this emotionally charged novel, Jodi Picoult delves beneath the surface of a small town to explore what it means to be different in our society.

In Sterling, New Hampshire, 17-year-old high school student Peter Houghton has endured years of verbal and physical abuse at the hands of classmates. His best friend, Josie Cormier, succumbed to peer pressure and now hangs out with the popular crowd that often instigates the harassment. One final incident of bullying sends Peter over the edge and leads him to commit an act of violence that forever changes the lives of Sterling’s residents.

Even those who were not inside the school that morning find their lives in an upheaval, including Alex Cormier. The superior court judge assigned to the Houghton case, Alex—whose daughter, Josie, witnessed the events that unfolded—must decide whether or not to step down. She’s torn between presiding over the biggest case of her career and knowing that doing so will cause an even wider chasm in her relationship with her emotionally fragile daughter. Josie, meanwhile, claims she can’t remember what happened in the last fatal minutes of Peter’s rampage. Or can she? And Peter’s parents, Lacy and Lewis Houghton, ceaselessly examine the past to see what they might have said or done to compel their son to such extremes. Nineteen Minutes also features the return of two of Jodi Picoult’s characters—defense attorney Jordan McAfee from The Pact and Salem Falls, and Patrick DuCharme, the intrepid detective introduced in Perfect Match.

Rich with psychological and social insight, Nineteen Minutes is a riveting, poignant, and thought-provoking novel that has at its center a haunting question. Do we ever really know someone?"

My Verdict: A sensitive matter handled with great care. Being someone who grew in a country where bullying with kids is not so rampant (or maybe there is, but I am just not that aware since I studied in a school where it is not tolerated and given fair justice). But overall, I did not liked the story. Yes, the credit goes only for Miss Picoult's genre, she writes and was able to convey the story really good, but I found this novel to be somewhat draggy. It took me a total of 5 and half months to finish it, and the only reason I finished it is because I got 7 books waiting to be read, and it has always been my habit to finish the first one before moving on to the next book.

I still congratulate Miss Picoult for the bravery she had to write this sensitive issues, and handed down possibilities why kids might run amok in school. And I believe this is just in time and highly suggested for Germany people who are having big question mark why Tim* did that a few months ago.

*For the knowledge of everyone, an amok happened somewhere in Germany few months ago, and the suspect is of the same age as the major character in the novel. Whatever Tim's reason is, nobody knows it until now, whether he got the same reason as Peter, or a deeper one. But one thing they have in common, the computer technology that has been also an issue when this amok started...

Rants.

Lemme make this clear with you:

I-WORK-HARD-FOR-THE-MONEY-AND-NOT-JUST-PICKED-UP-FROM-THE-STREET-OF-AYALA!!!*

Crystal?

Sigh. Deep breath.

I work alone for my mom and dad (and well, included my grandma also). You think I am earning millions asking me for your allowance, when I myself is wondering whether my money will get me through till the next payday?!?! Well, my salary is even less than 0.50% to be millions (and I wish I could at least get to 1% of a million)!!!

Mama's Birthday

I Know, Too Early for Halloween (Frankenstein Castle)

Cleaning Up

Why Camera Phone and Digicam Should ALWAYS Be in Your Bag

…because sometimes, some of your favorite things happens unexpectedly*…

*in search of pullip dolls, and step-ins yesterday afternoon, the supposed-to-be 30 minute shopping was prolonged because Kyla was there… and sad to say, I do not have any camera, which my cousin was so mad of (she loves kyla so much!)…

Mom's Birthday

                       

               

A Not-So-Surprised Birthday Party

It was Mom's birthday yesterday. I planned to surprise her, but because I woke up too late, it ended up that I was the one surprised, and not much time to cook. So, I was only able to buy cake(by the way, my niece gave her cupcake and put a candle on it as well, hahaha! So sweet!)and ice cream, and no pasta for her celebration…Anyway, it is okay since she is not expect any visitor yesterday but only us in the house.



HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

Boring...

Things have changed since we get back from training… Last year, my blogspot and facebook were still allowed PROVIDED that I do not have work load… But this time, it’s totally GONE… I understand that it is just the right way it should be, however, I am soooo bored when I do not have work load, and specially, when I want to blurt out my feelings and everything…

Oh well, I need to get used to this…

I Love U!

1 2, 1 2 3 4-
Give me more lovin' than I've ever had,
Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad,
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not,
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Barely gettin' mad,
I'm so glad I found you; I love bein' around you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-(I love you)
I love you.

Give me more lovin' from the very start,
Piece me back together when I fall apart,
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends-
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Best that I've had,
I'm so glad I found you, I love bein' around you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do- (I love you)
I love you.
(I love you) I love you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-(I love you)
I love you.

The Third and Last Option To Blog

I have my blog inactive for so long, not because I am not in the mood of writing, honestly, I got soooooooo many ideas wasted, but because ALL personal sites are banned here in the office (and I mean ALL: blogger, multiply, facebook, Friendster*, i.ph, wordpress, and many others). And should I say I am pretty much amazed by our IT? ALL proxy sites are banned as well! I mean, there are thousands of proxy sites (or even millions), and none of them will open up. Very, very good IT department (though it is not a funny thing for me). I have another option, as a matter of fact, that is to blog when I got home, but the problem is, when I get home, it is either I am soooooo sleepy, or the idea of what to blog is totally GONE. So last night, I remember the third option, and I made sure I have the secret word ready today, just in case I need some break from my documents.

* was quite surprised when I was typing this blog in Word, the word have been corrected automatically, did Mr. Webster added it in his dictionary already?

The One Who Got Away

Have you ever felt regrets about your past? Things that made you think of taking a ride back to that time so that you can make up with it… Then, you begin to contemplate, what life you could have right now if that part of your past was different. And you feel regrets over and over, especially if you found out that thing has changed and gone out your hand for good… And you just know, it’s your piece when somebody asks you if you experienced to have someone, or something, get away from your life forever…

When I was in graders, I met this kid. He’s different from any other kid in our class. He’s good looking, he plays basketball real good, and he’s intelligent. He got a sister on other class, but said they’re not twins, they’re just siblings. I found his sister to be a snob, but he said, she’s not, and if I am to give her time, we could be good friends too. I don’t know what’s in him, but I did what he asked from me. Everyone, including our teachers, was asking if there was something about us, and of course we would say, we’re just friends. But when one of my friends confessed to him that she likes him, I started to move away. I have thought, since their feelings are mutual, they should go out together. I even suggested a change in seats, which he did. Honestly, I was saddened when he chose to change seats, but I have to accept it. But he later requested to go back to what was the arrangement, and my friend said, he couldn’t concentrate on our classes thinking I am seated beside another guy in the class. They insisted that we could have been meant for each other, since we got a lot of similarities, and even looks alike, but I told them what we have is mere friendship.

Came the following year, and we were no longer classmates. I am still classmates with that girl who confessed to him. Tthat year, I came to know that girl more. I could not blame him for liking that girl, since she’s really nice and beautiful, we even became good friends, and well, she was also the same person to know that I have developed a thing already for that guy. She told me that I should do the same thing that she did, and she said she’d move away from that guy once I get the courage to blurt out my feelings since all of them are looking forward for that story. I was still a kid, and he was the very first person I liked. I was made to tell my feelings through a game, a consequence I have to do. And that was also my first heartbreak…

I received a different response from him. He ignored my confession. He laughed at me. He said I don’t know what I am saying. I was hurt, of course, and I chose to ignore him, to move away from him. I know he noticed it, but it seems like it’s nothing for him. So our grade school days ended that way, we didn’t talked even if I was not sure if I would still be studying there for high school, he did not bother to talk to me even during the graduation.

Came high school, I was about to have a surgery which did not push through, so I was still able to study there. He was my classmate again, together with his sister. His sister thought we can go back to what we were at the beginning, but she was wrong.

There were a lot of firsts that he shared in my life that makes it really difficult to forget him. He was the first guy who saw me stained my uniform when I had my monthly period, yet, that did not return what we used to have. I was sick, he was the one who informed our teacher, and he even visited me at the clinic while I was asleep (that was according to my best friend), but I remained unscathed (that was what I thought). His sister told me how my name was always part of their dinner during elementary days, but now, my name’s no longer part of their household, I just told her, “those are part of childhood days, and today’s different.”

He had his first girlfriend, still, most of our friends thought it better to have me as his girlfriend, but I said, “What we had was all we could ever have.” I don’t know if I hurt him with those words. He stopped reaching out to me, stopped caring about me, or was it because there’s a girl he cared more that time. They broke up, and his friends said he’s broken, but I remained still, and did not made friends with him again. Came the Juniors year, and I was forced to talk to him, all because of a survey assigned to me, which, I have to get the answer from their group (I forgot to mention, he’s a varsity player). His friends thought that’s the start of renewing our lost friendship again, but they were all wrong, I talked to him just to finish the survey, but after that, there was silence again. Seniors, we saw each other at the university I chose to study for college, he passed there as well. The last conversation we had was during the graduation day, when he uttered a simple “congratulations.”

I thought we’d be together still till college, but I was wrong. His sister said, he withdrew the reservation because his friends withdrew, which I knew was not the case. I saw one of his friends at the Commerce building, and was a UAAP player as well, which, he should have been part of, too. That time that I saw his friend, I knew, he withdrew all because of me. He chose a college school over a university because he wanted a school that would be farther from me.

A lot of questions kept on boggling my mind, but I knew better about the answer, everything was my fault. I cannot blame it to anybody, not even him.

It’s been days now since I’ve been so nostalgic about him. Eraserheads songs are back to radio’s regular playlist. It slides me back to that time when Eraserheads dominates the music industry, time when we were still best of friends. I wish that as I slide down to memory lane, I could also make up with him, and retain the friendship, at least. But now, I know it’s late… It’s too late for me to do the first step…

I saw his friendster profile, and it says, “Married”… And his girl commented that they are not just lovers, but best friends, they are united, and it silently shouts back to me that there’s no more room for renewed friendship.

And I just got a dose of my personal share of THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY…And he will be my regret for the rest of my life…The best friend I once had…

What I said before, is now for real, “what we had is all that we could have…”

I’ll just be thankful for the memories of Grade 4…

Back-Home...

Unlike other people, I am totally different among others... I-AM-NOT-HAPPY-BEING-HOME...

I hate all the interrogations... I hate all the comments... I hate all: "so tell me how Germany's like...", or "so tell me about your new boyfriend..." blah-blah-blah...

It's not that I am not eager to tell stories, it's just sometimes, some questions were totally off, I mean, things that should be mine only, private stuffs, that people (and sad to say, my family) keeps on asking! And what I hate more is Mom telling me things of what I should do with OUR relationship, as in I wanna tell her: "Mom, I am the GIRLFRIEND, not you!"

About work, well, I was not informed about this change of sched, advancing one hour, which, I was lucky because I did just right, because Sommerzeit has not started yet, but next week... Another thing, first day back here, I received no work yet, which, I understand, because my boss is working on his hundreds of back logs... The only sad part is, I am monitored and scored per day of my job here, and not of quality, but quantity, so today, I am totally inefficient...

But as Brian has said : "always look on the bright side of life..." I look at my idleness a somewhat good sign... Because if emails will not come to me that much, they will see that Hasselroth is doing great without Manila help, then, they will disregard my bond and let me go... In that case, I can fly back HOME to Germany very, very soon... That will totally be the greatest part of my life...

Tell more stories about my flight and immigration stories when I get time again... It's totally creepy and funny at the same time!!!

Sigh! I just miss U sooo much... Didn't hear his voice the whole day, only emails...

Spring: Hello Germany, Goodbye Cy

Yeah, spring is here next week, and we've been experiencing the sun for days last week, till this week started to f* up... The forecast said the sun will be back today, but hey, it's almost 12 noon, still the sky is gray... Oh well, maybe sentimenting with me, I have received a message this morning that my mom is in the hospital, but thanks that when I called them, she's somewhat well now, only needs a day in the hospital for observation.

Maybe that's why I have been out of my mind for days, my mom is not doing good... Two days ago, while I was having an idle time at work, I re-ordered my file folders, and deleted some unwanted documents, and make modifications on my email set up, then poof! All my archive emails GONE! Yes, so stupid to delete both my archive and personal folders. And I have my e-ticket there for next week! Darn! And my boss is calling me at the hotel and my phone for days and she cannot reach me, why? I am always out with U, I do not want to bore my ass in the hotel alone... And my handy? Well, I did not put load on it for month now, now my roaming is only for incoming text messages...

Latest stupidity, U's son called, and I hanged up, hahaha! Stupid! Out of myself!

Good thing this Aussie Eis in Frankfurt gives a very soothing and delicious eis...

Cye: Hello Spring!

Spring: Goodbye Cye! Hello Germany!

All Because of Me

If this relationship will not work, I do not have anybody else to blame but me... And I hate myself for being sooooooooooooooooooo paranoid, and sensitive...

Can somebody tell me what to do to keep myself off from being so sensitive? I want this relationship to forever, as much as possible, I do not want to lose him in the end, I am afraid he might get tired of me, because I am becoming sooooooooooooo sensitive...

Just blogging, it might help me get myself back...

Saturday Day Out

For more photos, visit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/hunnyangel514/sets/72157614568094860/

Yesterday, No Chance!

Yesterday, I was trying to open my i.ph account using my bf's notebook, and well, it made me realize one thing: they suck like friendster!
Here's the thing, I tried to log in using Opera browser, and it was successful, BUT! When I was about to post a new blog, it says that they are incompatible with the so far, the best browser in town, and directed me to Mozilla Firefox. So, okay, I opened the Firefox browser, and POOF! Came the same error message that I receive when I try to log-in using the regular IE. I guess, the message I left months ago on my message board there is enough to route all the readers here in my Blogger account.

I know, this is kinda late to share, but what can I do, I got my notebook packed up in my bag, and my bf's keyboard is so fucked up as well, like the blog account I was trying on last night. When I am trying to click on "New Post", it closes the whole browser! So I told him, "wait till I blog what a great keyboard you got here."

... and so here the blog goes... (Love you, U)... ;)

Oh well, maybe it was just not my day yesterday for any techie thing...

Panic Thursday

I was planning to freeze my blog to the 14th article, para feel na feel na February nga, but then, I have been itching to write something, so I break my own rules...

Last night, we went out for billiard game. Funny, they were amazed by me, I kept on telling them that it was only the 2nd time I played it, but they said, for a 2nd timer, I am good (and I am flattered with that). I got some pictures of that game, having me as the only girl in the group, and will post that in my Facebook account, maybe tonight. Then, I was a bit tired last night, that I asked U to drive me back to hotel, and when he left, I set the alarm to 6am...

Me: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Alarm: BUZZ! (at 6am)

Then, with sleepy eyes, I reset the alarm to 7am, and went zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

At 7:50am, I opened my eyes, and saw the clock registered: 8:50am! WTF?!?!

Me: It did not alarmed?!? Oh God, how can I go to work? U is going to a customer today!!!

PANIC! PANIC! PANIC! PANIC to the nth level!!!!

I opened my laptop, and connected to the network, and my adrenalin toned down a bit when I saw the laptop time: 7:50am. Then I started to phone Jenah, no answer... call again, still no answer... Called Ralf, a colleague and driver, no answer as well... Called restaurant to ask if the two is having breakfast, no answer... Called the reception, no answer... Called Jenah again, no answer... OH MY GOD!!! Panic came back to me, so I phoned U...

(clock time: 8:00am)

U: 'Morgen!

Me: Jaaa, morgen... Ich habe schlafen langer, Ralf und Jenah left without me...

U: Jaaa?

Me: What time you go to the customer? Can you please bring me to the office?

U: hahaha! Taxi driver...

Me: Jaaaaa...?!? Please?

U: You know Ralf's mobile? Call him and ask him to go back to you,

Me: Ich kenne nicht.

U: Call Frau Huth, and ask Ralf's mobile, ok?

Me: Ok, I will. Thanks. See you later.

U: (laughing) Ok, see you later.

Then I remember the laptop, with the outlook, of course. Browsed the address book, and poof! Ralf's mobile! Called him and wahahaha, he's in the breakfast table! I then asked him to wait for me, I just woke up, and Ralf laughed, and said no problem, they will wait!

Whew! A relief, at least...

Then, I rushed to the bath and while brushing my teeth, a call from Ralf came, laughing, because he said U called him also, hahaha! I said, yes, I have called everyone!!! I'm in a panic, you know! Then U called me also...

U: Need a wake up call?

Me: Hahaha! Jaaa... I talked to Ralf, he called me and they will wait for me...

U: Ja, I called Frau Huth, and asked for Ralf's mobile, and I called him. (laughing)

Me: Ja, thanks. Ok, I go now, they are waiting. Be safe ok? See you later.

U: Ok, see you later. Tschuss!

(clock time: 8:15am)

I finished fixing myself and ready to go (without any breakfast, of course), 8:36am!

Grrrr... Ja, I know, I was so tired yesterday from the work, and the game...and I know it is not an excuse to be late... I was still lucky this morning, though...

Oh, by the way, after being ready, I checked the alarm clock, and well, the reason why I did not hear it alarm at 7:00am, is because: When I reset the alarm time, I did not really reset the alarm, but rather, I changed the time itself!

Now, I finally appreciate the use of snooze option in the alarm when I want to buy off more time in bed, rather than resetting it again!

For A Change

Most days here in Germany, I wake up with this sight, especially on these months...Beautiful, and quiet, just the kind of life I have always dreamed of...

But I hope that next time, I will wake up seeing this every morning...Then, my life will be more beautiful and happy...

!!! HAPPY VALENTINES !!!

Natutulog Ba Ang Diyos?

Sometimes, when you have no idea what to write, or when insomnia attacks, those tag posts that are currently a fad in Facebook helps... But I am not tagging anyone here, just answered it for fun...

RULES:
> Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
> For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
> YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
*Sway * (don't I sound drugged when I answer this way?!?)
2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
*Butterfly by Queensberry *
3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY?
*Ocean Deep * (wtf?!? my playlist is kinda pervert today)
4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
*Can Never Be Me *
5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
*Kiss Me * (this I think justifies #3)
6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
*Kristo * (now it became religious!hahaha!)
7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
*Burn * (they burn when they think of me, or they want to burn me for being always absent on events?!?!)
8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
*One Last Cry * (huh?!?)
9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
*Sorry by Queensberry *
10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
*Never Forget Me *
11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
*Beautiful Thing by Queensberry * (yes, she is... she has been like a sister for me for years...)
12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
*The Day You Said Good Night *
13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
*Dance With My Father *
14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
*Tuloy Pa Rin * (yeah, right!)
15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
*Buttercup * (wedding dance, take note! hahaha!)
16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
*Now That I Have You * (Is that You, God, singing?!?)
17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
*We Belong * (hmmm... made me think, myself)
18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
*Could It Be Any Harder * (it's up to you to think what could get harder that I am so afraid of, hahaha!)
19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
*Photograph * (kinda true, am keeping a photograph in my wallet...which this question reminded me and will throw it out tomorrow, part of detox!)
20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
*Never Been To Me * (connected to #4, huh!?!)
21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
*I Tried * (somewhat connected to #7, I tried not to make them burn (or wanting to burn me) when they think of me, hahaha!)
22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
*Natutulog Ba Ang Diyos * (and so the Blog title goes!)

Questions

what is it in your blue eyes
that makes me stop for a while?
what is it in your smile
that melts my heart each time?
where were you all my life
that we have met just now?
where will our love get us?
and till when will it last?
will you stay the way you are
till our old days have come around?

Walang Kwentang Blog

"Iba ang walang ginagawa sa gumagawa ng wala. Aba, mahirap ata ang gumawa ng wala." -Ulang
<"It is different to do nothing compared to doing nothingness. It is difficult doing nothingness, you know." -Lobster>

Or something to that effect.

I remember that line from Bob Ong's Alamat ng Gubat...

But now, I have my own quotable quote inspired by Bob Ong:
"Mas mahirap ang magsulat ng wala!" -Cye
<"It is more difficult to write nothingness!">

My Heart is Kilig

Whoa! Who would have thought that this simple line would make me laugh real hard, and make me really happy? Bet you, I am in love...

U: you make me happy...

M: ...i will do things to make you happy...even if singing is not my line...

U: my heart is kilig...

U (again): ist das richtig? kilig?

M: *laughing out loud*

U: Love Is ...

Love is the greatest feeling,

Love is like a play,

Love is what I feel for you,

Each and every day,

Love is like a smile,

Love is like a song,

Love is a great emotion,

That keeps us going strong,

I love you with my heart,

My body and my soul,

I love the way I keep loving,

Like a love I can't control,

So remember when your eyes meet mine,

I love you with all my heart,

And I have poured my entire soul into you,

Right from the very start.

M: you make me fall...

I kinda believe love is powerful, it can make a man's bad English really good, just to let the one he loves know how much she means to him...

Now, it's me who's kilig... I can't believe I am feeling so much like in highschool! Hahaha!

Talk To Me If You Have Problems With Me...

She has always been like that, even back in Manila. Thank God, I have somebody else here to spend time with, not with her, and with all her grudges. I cannot understand why she wants to manipulate who I go out with here in Germany, when in fact, we're not related, we're just colleagues.

We're not even friends, yeah, finally, I said it.

I heard her smiling while chatting with someone back in Manila office, I know it isn't her husband online, but somebody else, and I bet you in millions, she is telling him that I have been out whole weekend with somebody here. I mean, if she have problems with me, and with my attitude, just tell me, because I don't give her a damn. It just made me sad even more that I get to remember the times in Manila, when the US colleagues are not yet in for the day, I am always left behind by these two guys, and I hate them, I sometimes wish I am with the US accounts... But now, I have other thoughts, I am thinking of leaving them for good, and settle here in Germany, away from people who loves to make buzz about my life.

This is my PRIVATE life, why do they love to talk about me behind my back?!? I am not a celebrity in the first place (and one reason why I did not try to be part of it, lol!)!

Das Wetter

Hayyy... gestern ist schön, heute es ist Schnee...
Ich will Schlitten mit meiner Liebe fahren, aber Schnee wird bald weg sein...
Irgendwie, gestern und letzten Samstag waren die Besten...

Memories

Cross-posting from Facebook... I am thinking to get other people there that is not into Facebook (or also on my Facebook, but since tagging is limited to 30 in FB, I was not able to include them on my list) to take their part on my nostalgic post...

Leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Don't send a message, leave a comment on here. Next, re-post this in your notes and see how many people leave a memory about you.

Never Have I Fallen

I don't know what to blog... I am just so happy again... Then, I just chose to post in here the sweetest good morning that I have received my whole life, the title is the title of the poem itself...

Your lips speak soft sweetness

Your touch a cool caress

I am lost in your magic

My heart beats within your chest.

I think of you each morning

And dream of you each night

I think of your arms being around me

And cannot express my delight.

Never have I fallen

But I am quickly on my way

You hold a heart in your hands

That has never before been given away.

Like Ody, I am also thinking on what "kilig" is in English... ;)

For U

While waiting on the training to be finished, a training that I cannot join because the language used is German, I get to finish this poem. It's surprising that I can write poems again, after so many years... And oh, my name is no longer "angel anne," the name that non-sense guy gave me, it's "kleine anne" now, and I guess "U" know why... Detoxification is working perfectly!

i've lost all the words to write
i've forgotten all the feelings
my smile is always a mask
that hides the tears that never ends.

until one day, U came along
just like a dream i had for so long;
i'm glad i could smile again
and my heart filled with love again.

I know, you might say the poem sucks, I am really not good in poems, at least I tried to write again, after so many years...

Love ko 'to!

I soooo love this commercial! And I really intentionally searched for it, just to prove that dipping pommes into your ice cream is a normal act in the Philippines, not because one is pregnant, hahaha! In the video, a guy did that too, I don't think he is pregnant... :D

Thanks! I'm Speechless...

This is one of the best days here in Deutschland. I never thought there is one great sight on this part of Frankfurt:

This photo though, was way back in December, today, there's no more gift-wrap, hehehe...

When you go way-way up this building (which he said was worth 10M euro!), you will find these views:

and this:

though, it's kinda dark on this side, but you can actually see the whole Frankfurt way above... The lights are great, and it's really beautiful! But the best part of this date is:

the haxen portion (but I'm not the one who ate this, I just took picture, hehehe)... and the...

yes! ice cream on WINTER! Love it! And he wouldn't believe that in Philippines, we actually dip fried potatoes (well, most of the time, french fries/ pommes) to ice cream.

I wish I can always have this smile all the time:

nein! nicht dass! ich habe nicht essen dass...

aber THIS:

thanks for the day... i sure will never forget this...

'Coz I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane

Some non-sense pics while waiting for Jenah at NAIA Terminal 1... Ending, I still checked in earlier than Jenah, because my cousins are hungry already, they need to leave...

Oh, yeah, there's also packign pics, but it's my mom who actually packed my things, I'm too idiot when it comes to packing!

Back To Work

I'm still used to Manila time, I woke up earlier than the alarm clock. We'll be back to training/work in few hours, and I already have butterflies on my stomach and I could literally see my heart's thumping. It feels like I'm gonna pass out anytime!

I'm not sure why I feel more nervous this time compared to last year. I should have felt this jittery last year, not today, because I am more familiar with the people out there this time already.

Waaahhh! I hate the feeling! Grrrr... Wish me luck!

Feeling Old Fashioned

It's my first day this year here at Deutschland, the sun is shining brightly, I don't feel much coldness outside, yet I chose to stay inside the hotel the whole day, that I even felt lazy about attending the mass earlier.

To be honest, as of this writing (12:15 PM to be exact), I haven't taken my bath yet... I feel überly lazy (that's Gerlish!hahaha!) The sun is so beautiful at sight, it's inviting me to go out, but the motivation is not that enough. Maybe because I know for a fact that I can't go anywhere, because MOST stores and shops and restau's are close (it's Sunday!), and only Kebab's and Chinese-Thai stores are possibly open...

I'm hungry, another thing to be honest about, so maybe, in an hour, I will be able to drag my feet to go out, and get some Chinese food to last my day (or if I get more motivated later, I can take the train going to Frankfurt, and find other stores there)... But for now, I have to get the motivation to get inside the bathroom, and fix myself!

I'm Back... to Feeling Cold

I just got back to Germany! It's nice to be back, meaning, another successful step of my detoxification (maybe 7 weeks will make me completely detoxified, huh?!?)... It's cold, not just because of the season, but more so, the company sent us here cold-heartedly, grrrr!!!

'nuff said... I just feel frustrated, I don't wanna waste my 7 weeks grudging about the drastic changes we have to go through...

Anyway, there are some other things (or someone?!?) here worth looking forward to!

...and maybe I love you too...

The detox program that Ody is currently undergoing is so contagious! I guess I am doing really good with my own detoxification, but honestly, it's difficult, it hurts at times, especially when I bravely said to him a few days ago: " forget about me, forget about us, be happy with her, the one you chose over me" (this can be a great line in a song, or a poem, hahaha!).

It hurts like hell, really...

But that was only for a day...

Believe me... The hurt lasted only a day compared to what I had felt before...

Maybe, the thought that somebody else cares about me, somebody else misses me, and he wants to see me as soon as possible (as possible as it can be to see me every morning, just like before, if not only because of the oceans separating us), helped with my own detoxification.



Or maybe it's not just a thought, maybe I have really fallen again this time...



Maybe... maybe not...



Only time can tell...

What's With the Credit Card?

...and they are pushing us to bring and use ONLY credit card?!?

I now kinda have second thoughts of going back to Germany for training... I rather not leave this time...

No thanks to all these travel benefits... Hmp!

Delphine

Just playing around my camera this morning, when I remembered one request from a good friend who fancies the dolphins the way I do... I searched through my boxes in the apartment and here are just few things I found to justify how much I love the dolphins. Other items, were, well, left in the province, since my mom wouldn't agree anymore to bring all my dolphin stuff to the apartment, thinking that after a few months, I will be thinking of relocating again, and my dolphin globe just might break during transport, and my stuffed animals dirty, or worst, lost... Oh well, honestly speaking, I only buy the jewelries, but I never bought any of the stuffed toys, nor the globe nor the key chains... Most of my friends and cousin who knows how much I love blue and pink stuffs, started to send me dolphin gifts, since they look so cute, and the colors just match the things that I love most, until one day, when I woke up, I just love dolphins, not because they usually appear colored blue in the toy stores (well, some stores have pink dolphins too! Believe me, my friend Toni got me a pink dolphin stuffed toy in year 2006...), but simply because they are dolphins! And from then on, I started buying dolphin items (earrings in particular)...

Well, who wouldn't love them? They are just so cute, and sweet! I love to watch them swim, and go with the ship as we sail along the sea going to other islands of the Philippines. They are just so intelligent and really, they help me relieve myself from stress. Just seeing them in my house, or well, wear some of it, makes me feel more relaxed...

Needing Some Help

Okay, so, we are going back to Germany in few week's time. I got one big problem that I chose not to blog about Obama for a while, but try to exhaust my frustrations first (and hoping someone out there who would read this by accident or intentionally could help me out).

Alright, the problem is that we'll be staying again at the old city of Gelnhausen, and meaning, we'll be attending Catholic masses again at St.Paul's Church, where the priest is old, and all services are said in German, BUT! I can only say "Vater Unser" and the Sign of the Cross (in German), nothing more. I want something, like a Catholic mass book, that could guide me throughout the mass, and be able to answer correctly in German, not just sitting there silently throughout the whole mass. I got priest friend who lived in Germany for 15 years before, but I don't have time to see him, and I doubt it that he will lend me his mass book (if he got one) in German, and honestly, if he got one, I don't plan to bring it, because I have a gut-feel that it is that big book, and will eat up much weight on my baggage if I borrow it. I just need some basics so that I can follow the Catholic mass flow. I have been trying to search the web, but then, , to no avail...

I guess, I have to "tiis" another 7 Sundays, simply sitting by the church throughout the German mass... :(