Goodbye, Beautiful Dream

There was never really an us,
There was only you and me.
What we thought we once had,
Was just but a sweet dream.

I was never really meant for you,
Nor you were destined for me,
The love was just a thought,
Just in our fantasy.

My Chaotic Mind: My Blog Comeback Story

Funny that I deleted my personal blog last year (cywussow.wordpress.com) out of frustration and depression. By the time that my health went down really fast, that I had to give up my studies and spend most of my days in the hospital, I thought "this is the end, I have to slowly shut down my cyberlife so that husband doesn't have anything to worry when I am gone." And so I started deleting Facebook accounts, WordPress and Tumblr blogs, LinkedIn account and multiple email addresses. I already accepted my fate, I already gave up. The only accounts that remained were my email address linked to my university email, the group blog for Filipinos living/ wanting to live in Germany and my Twitter. But my husband is the most optimistic person I've ever met. Without him, I may have succumbed completely to depression, if not because of my rare disease. He told me to continue fighting, and that I should not give up because he is never going to give up. Honestly, I challenged him for divorce because I don't want to be a burden for him, but he didn't accept it and reminded me of our wedding vow: "in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer...". He is indeed the greatest gift I have ever had in my life.

And now, here I am, creating a brand new online journal. At first I thought of this as an awareness blog for Marfan Syndrome,  but then I realized that there are already multiple support groups here in Germany, and even if I target fellow Filipinos, my goal will remain unreachable because I am thousands of kilometers away from Philippines, and I honestly no longer have contact with my cardiologist uncles to help me start an organization. After my last post about lists of Marfan Foundations and hospitals, I was left with the question "what now?". So I did a little editing on this blog, changed the blog title, converted the About page to a blog post, edited category names, a little changes on header and voila! It is again a blog that speaks about just everything in my short life. The new blog title is the rebirth of my first-ever-now-gone-Blogspot blog. Funny that after all the multiple blog trials I did since 2005 (blogged with multiple accounts in Blogspot, Tumblr, Weebly, and WordPress), I would end up with the (almost) similar blog title of my first blog. The URL though is brand new because my past URLs are already gone for good. That said, I admit, I have really a chaotic mind, I can't just stay satisfied with one thing (except in relationship, that's the only time I settle for one for the rest of my life), and I can't blame you if you were my followers before and you no longer want to follow now because I might delete this again in the future. That might be true, I can't assure you that this is really the last one. My mind is in chaos because there are a lot of things I want to accomplish before my time is up. There are thoughts that keep on swirling and I just want them put into words in any way possible.

So let me just be me in this small world of mine in the cyberworld.

moving forward

owkie... cleaning up is done... am i fooling myself?!? i just deleted 4 old posts! hahaha!

whatever! maybe i am just soooo pre-occupied that is why i cannot write anything with sense, because reading back my past posts, may sense naman kahit pa'no, except of course when i rant over my past jobs... hahaha!

oh well... life moves on... and i'm glad on where i am now...