Unfinished Business

My fight against Marfan Syndrome continues. I had my open surgery last May, wherein my aorta in the tummy region was fixed with prosthetics to remove the aneurysm. The prosthetics run from my lower rib till just above my thigh. It left me a really big scar which would forever remind me of the battle I had been. But it was not just the scar that made this memorable. The operation was really complicated and I had hemmorrhage during the operation. It was comparable to slight stroke and if it was not bad enough, I also had pneumonia and some other internal organ problems. I was in coma for almost a month. My family and friends already readied themselves for the worst. It was difficult and based on their stories, they slowly lose their hope the longer I sleep. But I survived. I woke up after around 3 weeks and 4 days but without any memory. I saw my husband beside me crying but I did not reognize him, I was just staring at him and wondering who he is and why he's crying. After a week, he brought photos of us and put it on top of my table and the memories started to come back. I recognized him from our photo and I gave him a smile. He held my hand and began to cry once again. There were lots of questions after my memory was back. Why does the date says 7th of June? My operation was on 10th of May, what happened in between? I thought they were playing a joke with me. It was two weeks after when they, the nurses and my husband, got the courage to tell me what happened during the operation. I was shocked to learn the story myself and at the same time grateful that I have survived it all. My husband thanked me almost everyday that I did not give up, that I came back. And I reassure him everyday that I did that for him, that the reason I am still here is because I still want to create new memories with him. That there are dreams and plans we have talked in the past that I want to reach with him. And what happened just made our love for each other to grow bigger and we start to appreciate each other more. (Oh, how lucky am I to be his wife!)

But I guess there is a bigger thing that God wants me to accomplish. It is still unknown for now, but I am sure there is a bigger project for me in this lifetime. And I guess that mission has started because the hospital called and asked if they can use my case in one of the medicine lectures in the university, they will use the information on my symptoms as a Marfan patient, how to detect one, and what are the medical procedures I had to go through. That is definitely my first mission, to help the Marfan Syndrome research group and the future doctors and surgeons and to save further lives in the future.

My fight is not yet finished, I am still undergoing neurologic rehabilitation in order to be able to move around without any help again. I have been through a lot and I will keep on fighting despite the pain and even if it will take longer time, I will never give up no matter what. I will triumph over this rare disease. I will create beautiful memories with my husband, my family and friends. I will continue touching lives of strangers through Pinays in Germany blog and Facebook page and groups I am in so that when my time comes, a lot of people will remember me as "Anne, the selfless one."

The Day I Loved Once Again

It was in year 2009 when I decided to take the risk again and begin to love again. It was February in 2009 when my husband and I decided to try it, to know if we are meant for each other. Others did not believe we will make it. Some thinks it was just a fleeting moment, a spark that will die just as fast how it came. But we proved them wrong. We are now on the way to our 6th wedding anniversary, and we are already on our 8 years of relationship. And Darmstadt is sort of our first real date as a couple, but together with some friends. Sharing you some random photos taken in 2009 around Darmstadt.

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They say it's no use to look back in the past, but I see it differently. When I look back on these old photos of the past, it makes me realize how beautiful my life is and how blessed I am to have experienced them and meet those people from the past.

Marfanoid Chronicle

It's almost a year since my last post about my battle. Since my last post, I had been into series of check ups and around three or four hospitalization. It was found out that I have a "deadly" allergy to CT-scan contrasts. I was hospitalized thrice because of it, the first one was not severe, but the second and the last one was really deadly. It was then advised not to undergo the scans again. Which made it more challenging for my doctors to monitor my stents. For a year now, I honestly feel much better. There are pains once in a while, but a rest is enough and I am back on my feet. I just noticed though that severe weather temperature is not my friend. Winter this year was a bit colder than the past winter I experienced and going out was a real struggle for me. Ten minutes out in the cold and it feels like I am fainting anytime. Hence, almost whole winter I was just home. I may feel quite well recently, but inside of me, something's waiting to be repaired/ healed. That's the reason why last December, we had a meeting with the head of the Vascular Medicine of University of Aachen Clinic, where one of the Marfan Center in Europe is also located. Prof.Dr. Jacobs is a very nice and competitive doctor. We are planning a new operation this year. I am just waiting for his advice, I already had my heart and lung function tests done. I will, of course, keep you updated on what's done on me. I am quite nervous, but I trust my new doctor completely and I know God has a better plan for me for the future.

The Memorable Past, The Beautiful Present and The Unknown Future

As mentioned few months back, this is already my nth blog. But it feels too empty. So I decided to challenge myself. In the next days, I will be posting photos of the past, photos that I posted in my old blog, which I deleted during my breakdown moments around two years ago. It will be a form of reminiscing how my life has been after all these years. What had changed and what stayed. Because life is not just about living up to the present, but also about reminiscing the past and looking forward to the future.

What I learned from Hape Kerkeling

"Ich bin dann mal weg" is for me one of the best books in this modern times. Honestly, I haven't read the book yet but I have seen the film. And it made me look forward to reading the book. But I just need to post it as soon as possible about how it affected me. It moved me in thousand ways. As you may have known, I am sick and each second of my life feels like my last. Unlike other terminal illness wherein you know how much time you still have here on earth, I don't know mine. This is aneurysm, and it is eating up my rational thinking. It pulls me down to the darkness of depression... but that film pulled me up! I now try to live up to the philosophy that was mentioned in the film: we all have our own Camino de Santiago. From the film, I have learned that we are all pilgrims of different art. The Way of St. James is not just one, we all tread our own pilgrim's path and it is called LIFE. It is up to us how to make this pilgrimage a memorable one, for me and for the people I meet along the way and share the journey with.