Happy Holidays Everyone!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

it's day before Christmas and I'm still at work...oh well, my tasks are done, I can leave anytime...tamad lang magbyahe...Hello, byahe na nga kaninang umaga, byahe pa din pauwi, ang bait ko nman...sulitin ko na shuttle today,hahaha!

be blogging again next year!

Have a Happy Holiday everyone!


God Bless us all!

it's mah birthday

yeah, today's my birthday...what happened on my whole birthday?hmmm,nothing special...i went to work the same time, mom woke me up with a gift wrapped in a BARBIE GIFT WRAPPER (yeah, am still her little girl!), and what's inside is my favorite stuff, a NOTEBOOK with cute bubbles design (sooooo childish, thinking am already 24 today, hahaha!)...then i went to work rushing , asking why?coz am almost late!thank God i was able to catch the shuttle... then came tons of workload to finish, hoping to finish all till 5 pm, but here i am, 6:21pm and am still seated here at my desk...

things that made me happy on my birthday:
1) my gift from mom...
2)early morning greetings from people closest to my heart (one of them is him!)
3)lunch out with my officemates
4)phone call from ate and her daughter
5)feeling of belongingness here at hicap

things i hate about today:
1)my dad is still in the hospital
2)i got tons of workload that i failed to finish
3)i have to render overtime on my birthday
4)my bestfriend did not called...
5)there are people who forgot it's my birthday...:(

this is the first birthday i don't have any cake waiting for me at home...and i am to go to sleep tonight, thanking God for another year, with nobody else to talk to tonight but my dumb dolphin stuff toy and my 2 dumb puppies...

so yesterday!

"as i sit by my window late at night

as i look at the stars so bright

i see those still memories

recalling in tears and the passing of years has gone by

as i walk on the street side cold and alone

as i watch the street lamps die

i see your faces, the fun we all had

and oh i'm so glad to have them at heart.

from the past until today

until the seasons wither till my body succumb to dust

we'll never let go in faith, in life

that though tomorrow we may live apart

believe and understand, we live as one

beyond the times, live as one.

as i listen to music and sing with the tones

as i talk to a friend on the phone

i hear those laughters afar

and sometimes those tears

recalling the moments of remembered years.

as i smell those roses in the garden bed

as i pick it up close held tight

i see your faces the times we all had

and oh i'm so glad to have them at heart.

see your dreams,

take courage on your soul

and move on

sail on through time

believe in me as i believe in you

that TRUE FRIENDS we are, FOREVER..."

home

Thinking back when we first met
I remember what you said
You said you'd never leave me
I let go of your hand
Built my castle in the sand
But now I'm reachin' out again
And I'm not letting go
Till you

Hold me
Mold me
Sometimes I feel so all alone
See, I gotta find me way back home
So why don't you
Shape me
make me
Wah me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way
Back home

Master upon my knees i pray
I just want to be the clay
Put your arms around me
Place my life in your hands
Lord, I know I'm just a man
I know you understand
This time I'm not letting go
Till you

Anoint me
Appoint me
Somstimes I feel so alone
See, I gotta find my way back home
So why don't you
Chastise me
Baptize me
Wash me whiter than the snow
I gotta find my way

'Cause I'm lost and alone
I've been wandering
Long enough to know
Humbly I search for you
And I'm not gonna rest
Till you

Choose me
Use me
Sometimes I feel so alone
I'm on my way back home

So why don't you
Direct me
Bless me
Wash me whiter then the snow
I'm on my way
Back home

my first holiday greeting

last night, i got home kinda late...and i was surprised on what i found on our desk at the sala...a very cute and colorful card with somewhat alien language written on it...damn electricity was out due to typhoon, so i have to scan the postcard over a candle light (so romantic!,hehehe)...and i was very much overwhelmed when i found out from whom it was...it was from PRINCESS ODY...i was so touched, i was part of her first batch of mailing list..whoa!that was so sweet of you my friend, ody...! and thanks for the German message, i got some refresher course on my language, i need it badly... ;)


alright, to continue (waahhhh! it took me 6 days to complete this blog?!?)bear with me, i got a lot of stuff on my desk...it's just now that i got some time to breathe...

okay, to continue, i was really touched for that card i received, i didn't expected any from ody, really, i mean, at this time, when everything seems to be done through cyber, i'm now used to receiving e-cards and no more snail mails...i missed this old fashioned way of communicating, and it really made me feel the essence of Christmas..

i was planning to surprise her too, but too bad, i haven't seen her mom around our place, i was not able to ask for her address, so i asked it directly from her, and well, knowing how brilliant she is, i know my plan is blown off...

i wonder who will send me card next?just dreaming...hehehe...

Proof of my Relaxation...

My friends from my previous job aren't believing me that I got my hair straight...So I decided to post a photo blog of me with my newly treated (with scarred scalp) hair... Hope this proves enough that I am no longer the "kulot" gurl my boss usually calls...

...ewan kung about ano ba toh...

wala lang..nagpapatay oras lang...hehehe..na-miss ko lang toh,multiply, myspace, friendster, facebook, blogspot,everything..kasi naman two weeks na hitachi website lang kausap ko sa office, pati pala mga search engines,pero walang blog...<sigh>...

na-miss ko online friends ko,really, i did! i never knew ang dami na pala nag-comment at nag-pm sa kin...

update about my new job..ayun,tambak ang report, root cause analysis report, training report, development report, pr's, recommendations...may interviews pa (kasi naman kakapasok ko pa lang, may nag-resign na sa team ko,hayz...)...but i enjoy it..am addicted to too much pressure and challenges...mas gusto ko yung di na ko makapagtext or makaupo ng matagal sa sobrang daming pinupuntahan at ginagawa...though, it really saddened me na i have to sacrifice my life online...

anyway, you can send me emails naman sa yahoo (sweeter_ion@yahoo.com ; netchie_28@yahoo.com ; cyrilanne_cuartelon@yahoo.com ) or gmail (anneville@gmail.com) accounts  ko eh, i do check them every morning,coz am at the office too early, got an hour to check my outside emails before ma-filter ng IT,hehehe...

gotta go! have to update my other cyberspace...

take care guys!

I got the Job

Oh well, I'm happy that finally, I got the job that I really want... I passed Hitachi Global Storage Technology and I will be starting with them by next week as a Process Engineer! I'm really grateful I got the job I've been dreaming of... At least I don't have to sleep at work anymore,I got a lot of time for socialization,hehehe...

 

So now it's moving back to Batangas...I decided to stay at our house rather than to rent coz at least I don't have to do any chores after work (call it "katamaran",hehehe)...

 

I'm looking forward for my first day! I'm so happy (di naman obvious noh?)!

I Was Tagged: 6 Degrees of Weirdness

Ok, so I was tagged by my dearest friend Ody. I got curious about it, but it took me a long while to come up with my own list of weirdness despite the fact that I'm already weird.

Being tagged is far much better than having your blog read aloud by your own boss within your office (that was quite embarrassing,no, IT IS SOOOOO EMBARRASSING!)... So I've decided that from now on, I won't post anything on my Friendster blog, hahahaha!(he doesn't have an access on my multiply anyway,so it's safe here!hahaha!)

So much for the blah-blah...Let's get this stuff going...All you have to do is list 6 weird things about yourself and tag six people on your list! It's quite that simple, and fun! you'll learn a lot of weird things about your friends,hahaha! And oh, don't forget to leave a comment on their page to let them know that they've been tagged.

And here's my 6 Degrees of Weirdness:

1. I hate the taste of pineapple...I dunno why, I just hate it...As in anything with pineapple, even a tinge of it, candies, fruits, juices, main dishes with pineapple, and even side dishes...I actually create my own fruit salad excluding pineapple all the time!

2. I read the newspaper backwards. Not that I read it from the last word going up (well, that's insanity, not weirdness), I flip the pages starting from the last page (as if it's the front page) and read the articles on the last pages first and reading the headlines last.

3. Shopping keeps me awake and recharge my energy. After long hours of working that's usually a 24-hour duty, shopping washes my tiredness away, as if I'm ready to work again.

4. I talk and walk in my sleep. Scary?!? Well, that's why I'm fun to be a room mate, wait till I ask you to find something that really don't exist in our room. It's either you'll laugh at me coz I'm completely asleep during that time, or be pissed off coz your head aches searching for that thing that can only be found in my dream and not in the real world, say for example, I asked my mom to search outside my window for that syringe that accidentally fell off the window, which, of course, my mom didn't find anything outside after searching through the grass, the flower pots and even the trash cans which are so far away from my window already, and also, I did asked my mom once to search for my precipitates and my bacteria under my bed, (suddenly, my room became the laboratory,hahaha!)...

5. I hate raisins on my bread nor on my chocolates. But I love grapes and raisins alone...

6. And finally, I sleep with a pillow over my head, and a blanket all over my body regardless of the weather.

That's the weirdest part of me,some is yet to unfold,hahaha..! Now, I'm tagging Rhoanne, Daye, Rianna, Gzle, Karen L., and Chingky. 

job hunting once again...

yesterday, i had an interview with hitachi global...(ssshhhh,my boss thought i had a toothache that's why i visited my dentist at medical plaza yesterday,hahahaha..) anyway, it was an interview conducted by the hitachi global's HR and someone from john clements...wonder why i was there when in fact am enjoying a lot of perks here at prochem (should i really call it perks: medical card, a sack of rice every other month,meal allowance,and what else?!?that's it!)..

anyway, so yun na nga, but night before yesterday even until i woke up yesterday, i was still feeling kinda lazy to go, but joanne,the HR from john clements was really persuading me to go,coz the client will only be at their office by 14th,that is yesterday, and that they badly need a chemist...so off i went yesterday,even if i really don't know who their client is,all i know is that it's a multinational company owned by an american (fyi, hitachi is partly owned by japanese and american,they merged with IBM,that's why at jobstreet it was noted as an american company coz hitachi global's main office is at san jose, california,not at japan..)..when i got there, i thought she sent me to the training room for an exam,coz that was our discussion over the phone,i will take the exams by 9 and interview in the afternoon..i was surprised when hitachi HR included me on the list of those who doesn't need to take the exams anymore..i was a bit grateful coz i was already shortlisted...but when interview came, waaahhhh!!!!!!!!i really don't know what happened, i dunno what i answered nor what i said...all i can remember was that it was so difficult negotiating my asking rate (i knew it, i should have proceeded with chemical engineering course so that i can have my desired salary whenever i want...)...but am still glad that even if i really had a difficult time (i was not really prepared yesterday that's why i was feeling so lazy to go!) she still said that my application will be part of the pool that their managers will review and shall be called as soon as possible for final interview and hopefully, a job offer...

am back with my sickness again,job hunting all over again and if i don't feel the job at the moment, i won't come for an interview...wanna know how many companies already put me on their blacklist?i don't know either, but all i know is, jg summit and ibiden are part of it (sad, but true...)...but am hoping that i can really find a multinational company to work with for as long as i can...am starting to pray that the americans and japanese will consider me this time...i'm looking forward working with hitachi global...

blank space

i wanna write something...i wanna share something with my friends, but then, i can't find the words..it seems like my mind's so tired of thinking and worrying and everything...there are a lot of things that's bothering me these past few days, but i just don't know where to start..or better yet, HOW to start...tis the first time i felt like this...billions of emotions and words start to occupy my mind, yet i just can't find the exact word to start this blog...

so well, i guess, i'll just leave this entry blank, and worthless...full of words, yet lacking the meaning...i guess, this is the best picture of my current state of mind...MEANINGLESS... <sigh...>

journey

Art Of Letting Go

my dear lola

surprise! a lot heard me saying that me and my lola aren't in good terms...as in away lagi sa small stuffs...well, when she visited me here sa apartment, i just gave her back what is due to her,since magbbirthday na din sya,pero syempre sa malapit lang kasi wala pa sweldo at mabagal kumilos lola ko,mabbwisit lang ako...where else,eh di sa market market lang kami...o di ba,parang bata, naaliw sa fountain at sa elephant at lions..nilapitan pa ang lion..hehehehe..

well,even though we don't go along well, she's still my lola...i love her despite her freaking attitude..hahaha!

galit ako sa mga di nagva-value ng time

no, i'm not talking about my lovelife...i'm referring to my work load! yes! as in my work, as in it's already getting to my nerves!!!

last night, i left 12midnight..as in MIDNIGHT! and i haven't taken my dinner yet that time! then here it is again today...7:40pm and i'm still here, waiting for my samples which, if they responded immediately to my instructions 2 hours earlier, we're done by now...

i know, it's not the operation's fault that the production request was late, it's the sales department who never give strict deadlines to the customers so that we could have ample time to produce their products...but still, even if the request was late, damn!i gave the final instruction 2 hours ago which should only take me an hour to have all the final samples analyzed and refilled..but what did they do?hay...i dunno! i went outside an hour and half ago to check what happened with my instructions, and surprise!!!

"di pa namin nalalagay eh, ngayon pa lang.."

"huh?can you repeat that?kalahating oras ako na naghihintay sa lab,nagtiwala na ginawa nyo na ang instructions ko,at supposedly, may sample na ko ngayon,pero wala pang sample kasi, DI NYO PA NALALAGAY?!?"...

"natalsikan pa nga ako ng sulfuric eh..."

"well, kasalanan ko?eh di ka nagsusuot ng safety gears mo eh!?!?kung masunog ang balat mo dahil dyan sa sulfuric,di ako maaawa sa yo, gagawa pa ko ng safety report na magllead sa suspension mo...second time na toh ah,nasuspend ka na before,di ka pa nadala?"

 

ayan! yan ang transcription ng galit ko kanina... tas eto ang bago..busy sila magtransfer ng kung ano ano at ang final products ko, nakatengga sa tanke,wala pa nasisimulan..damn you guys! wala ba kayong pamilya na naghihintay ng pag-uwi nyo ng maaga para makapagbonding kayo before kayo matulog?ako nga nanay ko lang ang naghihintay sa kin pero i'm too excited to share with her whatever happened here at work...

tumawag na boss ko,pinapauwi na ko...kaso baka nga naman may kelangan pa ko iadjust sa formulation ko kaya sabi ko papakamartir na lang ulit ako tonight...

ewan ko ba,yumayaman ata ang operations sa mga overtime pay nila, samantalang ako, GOBYERNO lang ang yumayaman sa overtime pay ko...

sana naman marunong sila mag-value ng time..every second is paid, and every second counts,maawa sana sila sa company, eto nga't doing its best para mag-stay sa industry amidst all the competition and the increasing power of peso...wag na lang sila maawa sa kin...sa company na lang, yung binabayad sa overtime ko at overtime nila,di sana maiidagdag na sa investment ng company or naibili na ng additional raw materials para etong mga r & d products eh di lang namin sa lab nagagawa,kundi mai-large scale na at magawa ng pera...

kaso they just don't know how to value time and save a lot for the future...pinapayaman lang nila lalo ang mga kurakot sa gobyerno...

buti sana kung ang tax eh nahahatian ang industry namin ng science and technology,kaso hindi eh...

 

hay...sana mabigyan ako ng chance na maging direct supervisor ng mga pasaway na toh,tuturuan ko talga sila ng leksyon!

 

<<sensya na,puyat,pagod at gutom lang...>>

a sign at my back...

i received this message from my colleague/ friend from peoplesupport, irish, way way back ..

"sometimes, i wonder if i have a sign taped at my back that says BREAK MY HEART..."

when i received it, i thought it was just a simple thought..then a month passed by and while i was scanning through my messages, it suddenly occurred to me that, "hey, this is me!this is exactly what's been happening to me ever since i've learned to love..."

too many times, i fell in love...too many times i believed in the magic of love...

..love conquers all...

..love is the most wonderful thing...

and a lot of things like that...

i fell in and out of love before,and i was never afraid to love again..i was hurt, but still i managed to get up..

but now, i could not understand, why, now that i've grew up and been through a lot of things in this world, when i have told myself, i'm ready for the real one...the one that i meant to keep for the rest of my life...the one i've swore to love till the end, is the same one that will betray and dump me off...

maybe, i'm one of those who have no luck in love...i'm someone who do have a sign taped at my back..not just taped, but tattooed on my skin..someone cursed never to be happy in terms of love...

moving on is the only option handed to me by fate...moving on that for some means going forward,leaving the past behind...but for someone who's been hurt too much, like me, moving on is merely about getting used to the pain, crying as a form of a habit, and smiling full of pretensions...that's moving on for me...getting NUMB for the rest of my life..it is because forgetting the love that ones made you very happy and optimistic about the future isn't that easy to forget...it is far different from learning your first ABC's or learning your lessons at school...for that one great love that i've hugged so tightly and built my future with is one of a kind...one good reason why i'm still breathing...and one damn reason why i kept on crying...

even if someone new will come, as the cliche goes, i know, i will not be able to love him the same way i did loved the one before him...and i know, one way or another, this tattoo that i have will forever haunt my life to my last breath at different forms and of differing reasons...

a sign that i will forever endure...

Miss Universe 2007

Rating:	★★★
Category:	Other

I was not able to watch it...But, as far as I've heard, I didn't missed a big event (that I expected it to be big!)...I've always admired Tere, but too bad, she was not able to make it...Well, at least, she got the Miss Photogenic award, with prizes similar to a third runner-up winner, not really bad, let's look at the brighter side, she won larger prize ompared to the fourth placer...But I feel bad for she was not able to showcase her wits...Anyway, Miss Universe is not for her, maybe the bar's waiting for her to be the country's number 1 lawyer...And this year's event did not turned out to be big,not because I'm bitter with the results, but simply because the event now is filled with a lot of controversies...I guess, God did allowed Tere not to win to have our country off the issues hovering the said pageant...

With all the sponsors, it is justifiable that Miss Japan wins, even if Miss Korea is far more beautiful than this woman... For me, Miss Korea should have won over Miss Japan...

These are just my opinions...If I offended anybody, my apologies...Anyway, it's a free country, and I'm entitled for my own opinions...

another open letter...this time, it's for me!

how i wish someone would write me a sweet letter like this...hahaha!dream on, cy! who remembers this letter?it was aired on tv,really loved the content of his letter...changed the name to justify my fantasy,hahahaha!

*****************************************************************************

My Dear Cy,

One day I will disappear completely. The letters will mean nothing.

The world will get tired of me.
You will get tired of me.
I will get tired of myself.
I'm dying.
But I will never get tired of you.

For you there will be no endings.
I will say your name over and over.
Like a refrain and a prayer to no one.

Then I'll be a flower. The one you'll never pick.
And will endure the breathless waiting 'till boundaries disappear.

With nothing to do I make new constellations.
Images of you as I remember.
Dancing, sitting, walking...
They are stars from a different view.

But still I see nothing but you.
Unfurling like a flower.
Swiveling like a leaf.

I once watched you sleep beside me.
It was dark then.
But the darkness is deeper now.

Tonight in my dreams I will see you.
My lady clothed only in light.

***

Like a kite I'm giving myself up to the wind.
I've made friends with the sun.
Confused the birds with strange and distant voyages.
But it is you that ties the thread and holds me down.

Like a kite I will forever hold your hand.
And with the burning human longing in your hands, I surrender.
I will never get tired of you.
For you there will be no endings.

I will say your name over and over.
Cy, Cy...
Like a refrain.
My prayer to no one.

You know I will never get far and there is no need for my return.
Only travellers leave.
I've never been a traveller for I have never left.
I am lost simply.

I wanted to be in a place I have never been and will never be of all destinations.
I longed to be lost in the fields of your hair.
Lost among your thoughts as you are already in mine.

You are my will to live.
My life started when I loved you,
and that's how I wanted to end.

Yours forever,

_____________

*****************************************************************************

moving on...part III

am i right?this is my part three already? it took me a long while that i forgot what step i should be right now...

<edited, checked my site again...am right, it's part three!>

continuing...

now, where am i? am not that far yet, i can still see that place...i can still picture "us" on that place a little while ago...but there's no more turning back...i have to stand firm with my words that i'm through with him...that our story is over...and i have to accept that not all stories have happy ending...

got this excerpt from the recently ended tv series here in the Philippines... the lines struck me...

"Even if we want it to...
Happily Ever After is not always true.
If stories end as lives are bound to,
then how do you say goodbye to someone you promised forever to?
With tears and with sorrow,
The never-ending night concedes to tomorrow...
For in the end, there is none to find,
It is but love that's left behind."

 

since i've heard and read this thing, i've decided that my third step will be influenced by this line...that there are no longer fairy tales where the princess ends with her prince charming and they live happily ever after...for fairy tales are only make-believes, and reality is a totally different story... that no matter how hard we try to make our story fairy tale-like, it would be impossible, for our lives are carved differently by the Ultimate Sculptor and that there is no fairy godmother to grant our every wishes in order for us to end with our dream princes...what we only hold is the faith that He wrote the best story for us...that even if it's living without our prince charming, at least, He made sure there will be a knight in shining armor at the end of the story...

 

currently, i am still inside the castle that i've built with my prince who turned into a frog (nice metaphor here,lol!) and that frog, i no longer know where it hopped,maybe found a lady frog and left the castle ahead of me...i am still looking for my way out of this perplexity...how i wish i can find the exit soon...

 

i wish i wouldn't reach step ten of moving on...

who says my life is wonderful?!? it isn't..and it never will...

    i hate this month! two years ago, this was the most memorable month of my life, but now?! i dunno... few days ago, got a message from him... i was delighted, only to feel really down and devastated after the conversation... i felt like the whole world fell on my shoulder... it's like the end of everything for me... i suddenly felt weak...alone...betrayed...and unloved...then i began to ask myself, what's wrong with me? what's missing that keeps them away from me? what is it that they find in me that makes them lost their way and leave me behind? and then i began to question the existence of God (which i know i shouldn't do...) for i could not understand His ways... i could not find the answers...i don't know why He keeps on placing me into trials, my whole life through...pakiramdam ko tuloy my whole life is a mess, a series of mistakes that could never ever be corrected, no matter how hard i try to...
    eto pa, akala ko i'm very much blessed with this job of mine...well, in a way, yes..they're paying me well, if not just, at least it's enough...but ewan ko ba, lately, i'm feeling really tired of this job...OT dito, OT dun, halos dito na nga ako natutulog every other day...they said i should be thankful kasi madami kami work, it means, madaming nagtitiwala sa product namin...i agree, but then again, we're humans as well, di ba nila magagawan ng paraan na maayos ang sistema nila?we need a break as well, di lang ang mga admin people na wala namang masyadong ginagawa ang nagdedeserve ng vacation..and not because i am still on probi period eh wala na kong right sa vacation ko...it's election day tomorrow, and where am i?at work,analyzing unlimited samples and waiting for midnight to come to finish all these stuffs..yes, you heard it right...*sigh* am going to spend the night here at the office again..."okay lang yan, you're entitled to holiday pay,malaking pera panggimmick,finally you can spend time with your call center friends na matagal ng nagyayaya lumabas..."yan na lang pakonswelo ko sa sarili ko eh...but is it working?i dunno...
    ano pa bang nakaka-piss off sa kin ngayon...ah,sobrang dami na i'm even tired typing everything out...how i wish time would stop so that i could at least give sometime for myself naman...tiem for me to reflect on what have been's...what i've done wrong...where i've done wrong...and what i'm supposed to do...now that my life is in total chaos, i guess i need some tiem to retreat from the world and rearrange everything...
   

angel's wings - an open letter

My Angel,

Thanks for the memories shared with me. Thanks for the moments, even if those were just stolen moments and even if that was only for a short while. Thanks for making me feel loved even if I know those are lies. Thanks for the lessons you taught me and for being there at my side when I am at my weakest… Thanks for making me laugh during my most difficult times, and for making me cry reminding me that I could never have everything that I want to have, including you…

Sorry for the times when I became so fickle-minded. Sorry for the times when I caused you so much pain and sufferings. Sorry I came into your life and made you so miserable, I never intended to hurt you this way… Sorry for all of my shortcomings…

I will surely miss the old times, the moments under the rain... the movies…the stories, sad and happy…the arguments…I will surely miss you and everything that we have done together and shared…

I hope you’d be happy now… I hope you’d find your true happiness…not just a temporary one that I have offered…You deserved to be happy for you are such a wonderful person in and out…I wish you all the best this life could bring, a happy life, a contented love life, a successful career…

You will always be remembered…You will always be in my heart and mind…You will always be my angel…

Remember, in times of your adversities and sadness, I will always be your angel… I will be here to help and support you, I am just one phone call away…I will forever be your angel…I will forever love you, my one and only angel…You know that you are the first and last person I’d ever love…I am giving back you your wings for you to find the place where you will be most happy…

Again, you will always be remembered…You will always be in my heart and mind…You will always be my angel…Thanks for everything, for the lessons learned and for the memories shared and experiences gained…Our memories together will forever be cherished, in my heart and in my mind…You are the most wonderful gift God had sent my way…

Take care always…I will always be at the other side of the rainbow…I love you and I forever will…may God be with you always…and may God lead you to where you will be most happy…

"..loving you is all that means to me, then being happy is all i hope you'll be...loving you must mean i really have to SET YOU FREE..."

moving on..temporarily unavailable...

and yeah, so my heart was right...i won't be  able to completely move on this time... he will still try to have me back and i will still take him back...yeah,all that was playing on my mind came true...

 

and yeah,moving forward ceaseed for me as of the moment...i still want to savor the moments with him...stolen moments that makes my life completely happy...

moving on...part 2

so it was a very difficult vacation for me...four consecutive days back home...i really had a terrible vacation...i have to pretend i'm fine,i have to leave the house all the time...but it's all worth it...finally, i'm somewhat used to this life,well, that's what moving on is for,geting used to the pain and the loneliness...probably the play helped as well,eventhough getting involved to that means seeing and getting attached again to my past that i had been running away from, the past that led me to this fate i am locked right now...if only i never fell to that past,i would have not ran away and fell to this mess i'm trying to get out of right now...sigh, my life had been a series of complicated events, one event to another...when will all this end?going back,so this is finally mys econd step, no phone call from him, no text messages,nothing...and i did very great not to call him myself nor text him,whew!that was so difficult,boring myself with songs,and sleeping the whole day just to refrain from texting nor calling him...and thank God, it's working days again,i'm busy again...

 

here i am now,ready to take the third step towards moving on...

moving on... first part

and then you said, you want the space...you want to be alone and balance everything...you said you can no longer love me the same way i do for you... so i let you walk away..i let you be who you are just to see you happy again...

and then after a week, you came back..wearing the same old smile, saying hi as if nothing ever happened that brought tears to my eyes a week ago...but i have to pretend i'm fine...i have to show you life goes on...that i can be okay even without you by my side...

you said it's so good to hear i can go on...you said you're glad i'm taking the steps of moving on...towards a life of "you" and "me" and no longer the "us" that i had been used to for a year and ten months...yeah, it's good to hear...too good that you can longer hear the deafening sound of my breaking heart...then, you walked away,without a word...i shouted asking if i can still count on you, if i can still run to you when fate would never be good for me alone...and i think you answered "yes, i will be here for you.." but it was so vague to understand the words you said coz you're million steps away from me now...

moving on...the first part of my moving on...i dunno if i can still take the next step when i know anytime, you can come back to the place where you left me...first step...first attempt...first part...i hope next time i can already say i'm done with my second step, and then third and so on...