a sign at my back...

i received this message from my colleague/ friend from peoplesupport, irish, way way back ..

"sometimes, i wonder if i have a sign taped at my back that says BREAK MY HEART..."

when i received it, i thought it was just a simple thought..then a month passed by and while i was scanning through my messages, it suddenly occurred to me that, "hey, this is me!this is exactly what's been happening to me ever since i've learned to love..."

too many times, i fell in love...too many times i believed in the magic of love...

..love conquers all...

..love is the most wonderful thing...

and a lot of things like that...

i fell in and out of love before,and i was never afraid to love again..i was hurt, but still i managed to get up..

but now, i could not understand, why, now that i've grew up and been through a lot of things in this world, when i have told myself, i'm ready for the real one...the one that i meant to keep for the rest of my life...the one i've swore to love till the end, is the same one that will betray and dump me off...

maybe, i'm one of those who have no luck in love...i'm someone who do have a sign taped at my back..not just taped, but tattooed on my skin..someone cursed never to be happy in terms of love...

moving on is the only option handed to me by fate...moving on that for some means going forward,leaving the past behind...but for someone who's been hurt too much, like me, moving on is merely about getting used to the pain, crying as a form of a habit, and smiling full of pretensions...that's moving on for me...getting NUMB for the rest of my life..it is because forgetting the love that ones made you very happy and optimistic about the future isn't that easy to forget...it is far different from learning your first ABC's or learning your lessons at school...for that one great love that i've hugged so tightly and built my future with is one of a kind...one good reason why i'm still breathing...and one damn reason why i kept on crying...

even if someone new will come, as the cliche goes, i know, i will not be able to love him the same way i did loved the one before him...and i know, one way or another, this tattoo that i have will forever haunt my life to my last breath at different forms and of differing reasons...

a sign that i will forever endure...