Monday, June 7, 2010

i am hoping for my own fairy tale...

i was checking on the latest posts by my blogger friends till i got to bianx's (naks! close?)  latest post. while reading it, i told myself, wow! "sakto!"

i myself is in a long distance relationship for 1 year and 5 months now to be exact... i thought everything is going on smoothly between us... till just recently, we were hit by a terrible test of love... as his date of vacation approaches, i too have mixed emotions... excitement... happiness... fear... fear that lead to something he never expected, which i myself didn't expect from myself as well...

i had petty fight with my mom this weekend, which ended with my sudden outburst of "i don't want to go to Germany! nor to any country in particular!" mom was shocked, and me as well. she asked if there is problem between me and U, i said no, the only reason is her. being an only child, i think it is normal that we fear of losing our parents... i have that fear, that if i go and settle in Germany, i'm afraid that i will never ever see her again... see, my reason for not wanting to leave Philippines is because of mom, not because of my love for U...

but i know at the back of his mind, after hearing this sudden decision, he's thinking that i don't love him anymore... i do love him... i do want to wake every morning beside him... i do want to patch this distance between and be just right at his side... i miss him a lot, that's for sure... but i am not sure if i am all ready to turn my back and join him and make my own family in germany...

now, i don't know what to do... i am standing by a single strand balancing between my mom and U... each day is dragging and it's making it harder and harder for me... but i don't want to let go any of them... i have imagined my life with U... but with mom's own fears, i only keep on holding back... i cannot think of moving forward, i am so afraid myself...

i wish i could have my own fairy tale... i wish that like pat and pepel, we can also make it through and be able to establish our own family... i wish i could have the strength and the courage to do so...

i love them both... and it's just so hard to choose...

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