Naiintindihan Ko Na

Habang nagbbrowse ng mga lumang larawan, muli kitang naalala. Hindi ko maiwasang hanapin ka sa internet, at nakita ang larawan ng iyong pamilya... Ngunit wala ka sa mga bagong larawan. Nalungkot ako at nagsisi na bumitaw ako, na hindi kita pinansin nung muli tayong nagkita. Ang daming what-if's na muling nabuhay, na what if kaya mo gustong makipag-usap noon ay dahil humahanap ka ng masasandalan. Ngunit tinalikuran kita, binigyan ng mga one-liner na sagot. 

Ngunit habang patuloy na tinitingnan ang mga larawan nila at ng iyong larawan, unti-unting naiintindihan ko na kung bakit sya ang pinili mo at hindi sya.

Magaling syang manamit, sunod lagi sa uso kahit hanggang ngayon. Madiskarte sa buhay, at ang mga anak nyo ay tulad nya. Samantalang ako, sapat na ang t-shirt at jeans. Tuwing may mahalagang okasyon lamang ako nag-eeffort sa aking panlabas na kaanyuan. Mas mahalaga sa atin na komportable ako. Kung ang larawan ko ay itatabi sa pamilya mo, magmumukhang dati akong babysitter ng mga anak nyo (dalaga na sila, hindi na nila kailangan ng babysitter). Naiintindihan ko na kung bakit, bukod sa hindi sapat ang naramdaman mo para sa akin, hindi din ako nababagay sa pamilya mo.

Masakit, pero huwag kang mag-alala, tiningnan ko din ang larawan ng ibang mga lalakeng naging parte ng buhay ko at lahat maliban sa isa ay gaya ng pamilyang meron ka. Ang kasimplehan ko ay mukhang hindi nababagay sa pamilyang Filipino. Dahil dito sa Alemanya ay tanggap na tanggap nila ako. Hindi ko kailangang magmukhang mayaman para lamang matanggap ng komunidad.

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