I Saw A Glimpse Of Heaven

Not only that, I also saw Jesus.

How did it all happen? It all happened while I sleep.

This morning, I still feel heavy in my head, so I decided to sleep a little bit longer. As I go back to sleep, there are a lot of things on my mind, that it was a little difficult to get back to sleep. And as I twitched and moved on to a different side of my bed, I fell asleep and I saw myself standing in front of a golden door. Around me are beautiful bushes and the weather was wonderful, no rain nor scorching heat of the sun. In front of me stands a man and his dog.

Man: No, not yet your time. Why are you here?

Me: I only have one question, why is it taking too long?

Man: I am not sure for the answer. Anyway, let me take you inside for a while since you are already here.”

Then He opened the small golden door. It was so small that we must get inside one by one. And as we entered, I was amazed on what I saw. It was huge, the view from the outside cheated me, for when I was outside, it only looks like an ordinary house, but the inside was GRANDIOSE! Everything glows for everything’s made out of gold. As we walk to the middle of what seems to me is a “lobby”, a voice boomed above us.

God the Father: Jesus, why is she here?

Jesus (the man with the dog who welcomed me): She said she has a question.

God the Father: Cy, have a little patience, it will soon come.

Me: But why is it taking too long? It’s already a month.

God the Father: Everything happens for a reason. Do not think that I have forgotten about what you asked of me. I am doing something for you, just wait and see.

Me: When will it come? How long should I still wait? Please tell me, so I can inform my husband.

God the Father: That, I cannot tell you, there are far more important events that I put on the top of the list, but yours is already on queue. It’s on its way, just wait.

Then the voice went out and I am left standing and staring at Jesus. He looks like nothing of the photographs that I grew up looking at. His face illuminates in glorious light, that there is no exact word can describe how He looks like. Saying that He is handsome is not enough, He is more than being handsome, He is a face of all beauty.

Then I looked at His dog. He too, is wonderful. He sits patiently beside Jesus and looks at Him and I. I then thought that dogs do have souls too. And when their time comes to an end, they, too, enter heaven and reunite with their masters. I suddenly remember my grandfather and his dog, Puti. Maybe as of this writing, they are already together and having great time together in the Kingdom of Heaven. This thought made me think that, when my time on earth is up, there are three dogs (or maybe four, if Cuhcuh happens to die ahead of me) waiting for me at the gate of heaven, my first dog, Brownie, my dear puppy who never got a chance to grow up because of a disease, Miko, and the last dog I had before Cuhcuh named Patrasche. Maybe as of this time, my grandfather takes care of these three dogs of mine.

Afterwards, Jesus smiled at me, and then I am back on my bed. I don’t know I was I able to get back, the path leading back to the now-world was blurred in my memory, but the encounter I had with Jesus and God the Father is as clear as a crystal. Maybe God wants me to remember what He said so that I will learn.

Few things that I realized out of that dream:

1. The door of Heaven is really small. As mentioned by Jesus in the Bible, the door is small and only a few can enter. It is both a metaphor and a reality, based on what I have seen in my dream.

2. Lord loves everything that has life. Hence, everything and everyone has a chance of entering Heaven, including dogs.

3. Jesus’s face as we see on photographs and on crucifix are wrong. Jesus’s face is more beautiful than the face that my religion introduced to me.

4. God is always at work, and we just have to learn the virtue of patience. Waiting can be painful, but it keeps a beautiful promise.

5. The Kingdom of Heaven is not as artistic as fairy tale castles, but it is more beautiful. Hence, we must all strive for goodness to be able to enter the narrow door of heaven.

 

Disclaimer: The thing that I asked God was not about my time on earth, but about the status of my visa. :-D

Realizations

At 21, I had my first serious boyfriend. I know for some, I am a late bloomer, but it is all because out of fear from my mom. I grew up with the greatest fear that if I entertain a guy, my mom would throw me out of our door. I honestly had liked a guy at a younger age, but my mom showed me her steel fist, hence I waited until I graduated from the university. However, this guy turned out to be not the right one for me, in short, a nightmare. I threw away my life because of this guy, putting myself and my mom’s life on the edge. I was so blinded, that I was ready to turn my back from my mom. But the 21 years that mom and I shared cannot equate our year-old relationship. Truly, blood is thicker than water. When mom got sick all because of my one year upheaval, I turned my back from love. I told myself it is going to be me and mom until the end of time.

Three years after,  I was determined to reach for my dreams, for me and for my mom alone, and I was determined never to love again. I changed my lifestyle, changed my environment. Everything is going on smoothly, though honestly, I was never happy. I was longing for that love that I know is different from my mom’s love, but I am afraid to love again. Afraid that if I do, I will lose my mom forever, and I am afraid to be alone.

At 25, I closed my heart, but for some reason or another, somebody was able to unlock it. Little by little, he was able to get me out of my comfort zone. He was able to open my life back to the world. He showed my mom that I too, need some love, a love that is different from a parent’s love. Little by little, he was also able to transform my mom. And I could not explain how happy I was that time.

At 27, I am married to a 42-year old guy. I am a proud wife of my husband. He who deserves all the appreciation there is in the world. At 27, I realized how lucky I am to have found a guy as loving and understanding as my man. Though we do have misunderstandings, he never fails on showing me that at the end of the day, I am the only woman he loves and he will love forever. He proved to me that not all guys are the same, that there is one guy meant for me to love and be with for the rest of my life. I cannot imagine my life if I did not meet my husband. I cannot imagine what kind of life I have if I continued on my revolt.

Whatever happened five years ago, I am thankful. If all those nasty things did not come along my way, maybe I am still the same old me, blinded at the wrong love, or worst, maybe I am alone struggling in life. If those painful things did not happen, events that led me to change my life, I just do not know where I might be right now. I am thankful for all the tears that I had to shed in the past, the painful words I had to hear from people, and I am thankful to all the wrong people that hurt me in the past. Because of them, I learned to be strong. Because of them, I learned how to face the world. And because of them, I met the guy that God had created to love me unconditionally.

And I will surely give him back the love that he deserves as long as I live.

Visa Interview

Start:	Aug 16, '11 09:00a
Location:	German Embassy, RCBC Tower

Our Wedding <3 <3 <3

Start:

May 15, '11 2:00p

Uwe's Arrival

Start:

Apr 29, '11 12:00p

Realizations

At 21, I had my first serious boyfriend. I know for some, I am a late bloomer, but it is all because out of fear from my mom. I grew up with the greatest fear that if I entertain a guy, my mom would throw me out of our door. I honestly had liked a guy at a younger age, but my mom showed me her steel fist, hence I waited until I graduated from the university. However, this guy turned out to be not the right one for me, in short, a nightmare. I threw away my life because of this guy, putting myself and my mom’s life on the edge. I was so blinded, that I was ready to turn my back from my mom. But the 21 years that mom and I shared cannot equate our year-old relationship. Truly, blood is thicker than water. When mom got sick all because of my one year upheaval, I turned my back from love. I told myself it is going to be me and mom until the end of time.

Three years after,  I was determined to reach for my dreams, for me and for my mom alone, and I was determined never to love again. I changed my lifestyle, changed my environment. Everything is going on smoothly, though honestly, I was never happy. I was longing for that love that I know is different from my mom’s love, but I am afraid to love again. Afraid that if I do, I will lose my mom forever, and I am afraid to be alone.

At 25, I closed my heart, but for some reason or another, somebody was able to unlock it. Little by little, he was able to get me out of my comfort zone. He was able to open my life back to the world. He showed my mom that I too, need some love, a love that is different from a parent’s love. Little by little, he was also able to transform my mom. And I could not explain how happy I was that time.

At 27, I am married to a 42-year old guy. I am a proud wife of my husband. He who deserves all the appreciation there is in the world. At 27, I realized how lucky I am to have found a guy as loving and understanding as my man. Though we do have misunderstandings, he never fails on showing me that at the end of the day, I am the only woman he loves and he will love forever. He proved to me that not all guys are the same, that there is one guy meant for me to love and be with for the rest of my life. I cannot imagine my life if I did not meet my husband. I cannot imagine what kind of life I have if I continued on my revolt.

Whatever happened five years ago, I am thankful. If all those nasty things did not come along my way, maybe I am still the same old me, blinded at the wrong love, or worst, maybe I am alone struggling in life. If those painful things did not happen, events that led me to change my life, I just do not know where I might be right now. I am thankful for all the tears that I had to shed in the past, the painful words I had to hear from people, and I am thankful to all the wrong people that hurt me in the past. Because of them, I learned to be strong. Because of them, I learned how to face the world. And because of them, I met the guy that God had created to love me unconditionally.

And I will surely give him back the love that he deserves as long as I live.

Happy September everyone!

It took me a little while before I get my fingers back on the keyboard. It seems like years since I wrote my ideas and shared it to the world. Honestly, when emptiness strikes me, I really feel empty and cannot put even a single sentence together perfectly. But now, I am back! Not the usual me with great thoughts though, I am just back, period.

The past few weeks had been stressful weeks for me. I always have to drag my ass off my couch and hit the road. First with my passport renewal (I needed to change my last name), then my visa application (sadly, I come from a Third World country who cannot travel the world that easy, I always need to apply for my visa), and then just two days ago, have to go and get my NBI clearance (NBI stands for National Bureau of Investigation, a localized FBI, I guess) and then head back to the embassy to submit that clearance. Visa application for a family reunion is not that easy, and really, it is very tedious! Hence, my mind's always pre-occupied with lots of stuffs, plus the fear of me not being granted the visa. The waiting for my visa is not yet done, I am still waiting for that precious call telling me that I can already get my ticket and fly to my loved one, but I decided to blog now to at least help me de-stress a little bit.

September is here. In the country where I am, September marks the beginning of CHRISTMAS. Yes, we hardly celebrate Halloween, hence, as early as September, Christmas decorations are already on sale, and everywhere, Christmas songs are being played. And because my mom thinks that I will not be here on Christmas (their hopes are high that my visa would be granted, whereas I know that the probability of me getting the visa before Christmas is of the same probability of me not getting the visa at all), she dragged me to update her iPod (yes, it is already hers, and sadly, I do not have any, not even my phone, I exchanged my Jet with her Cherry Mobile phone, don't ask me why) and put on Christmas songs there. So while the house across our street is trying to make us (us means the whole block during weekends!!!! Nobody can rest perfectly with all their noise!!!) deaf with their 4-week-long "Time of My Life" song, she put on the iPod on the dock and played her Christmas songs as loud as she can just so she can dissolve the sound from the house across our street. She said we better play the Christmas songs now while I am still here, than she playing it on November or December with only her and Cuhcuh, my dog, in the house.

That line made me sad. Honestly, this is going to be my first Christmas away from my mom, for the 27 years of my life, we had always been together on Christmas and New Year, whether we have a fight or not, and on my 28th Christmas (and birthday), we would be apart. It is a sad realization, but I guess, we all need to learn how to let go, because I cannot be forever her daughter, the time has come wherein I am needed more by my husband and my service is already for my husband, and for my own family. I hope we can get through this smoothly. Firsts are always the hardest, but I know in years to come, this would not be that difficult for us.