We Will Miss You, Ate Judee

I first met her in the year of 1998, that was also the first time that I got really involved in any Church activity. She's the one who never fails to smile to everybody. She's a sister for all. The best friend for some. Always ready with advices. You can call her anytime of the day just to cry. I could not remember how many times I cried on her shoulder. She never fails to understand. And no matter how bad you feel, everything will be lighter in the end, after speaking with her. She's the sister I never had.

Ever since I knew her, I knew she's special. She had heart by-pass long ago. You can see the scar by her chest. Even if her heart sometimes fails on her, she never fails to LOVE. She loves us. We are all her siblings. Their house is always open for us. Morning till night, we can run to her for advices, we can even sleep there. She's also gifted with a gift of healing, she can remove the pains and ailing with just a touch of her caring hands. Sadly, she cannot heal herself.

And today, the news came out. She's left our world. Her heart failed on her for the nth time, this time, the help for her was late. She joined our Creator and ended all her pains. It saddened me. Teatrong Kumot lost a great adviser. JMY lost a great leader. And we lost a great sister. I never expected that parting would be that fast for us. The last time we talked was on the evening of Holy Thursday, she was still happy then. She said she's happy to see me so happy now, that gone are the days when all she could see on me are tears. I told her, yes, I am very much happy and blessed, for I finally found my happiness. And she even said she too, do found her happiness. She even mentioned of plans of wedding. That was the last talk we had. After that, I failed on communicating with her.

As I write this down, I cannot help not to cry. It seems like something was taken out of me. Seems like my life is not that complete anymore. It feels like a part of me had left, and I knew, it would never come back again. A part of my smile was taken away. A very good friend and sister was taken away from me.

But I know, I should be happy as well. For I know she's reunited with our Creator. The only Guy  she had loved and served all her 29 years of existence. That despite all the trials she went through, she remained clinging by the arms of Jesus, and it's the greatest lesson I've learned from her: NO MATTER HOW DIFFICULT LIFE MAYBE, CRY IF YOU MAY, BUT NEVER LET GO OF HIS HAND. SOMEWHERE, HE CREATED SOMEONE TO MAKE THOSE TEARS GONE. SOMEONE OUT THERE IS MEANT TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND MAKE THE BURDEN LIGHTER.

Thank you, Ate Judee for the gift of friendship and love. Thank you for always being there for us. Thank you for listening and crying with me. Thank you for saying how stupid we may seem or how wrong we are on what we're doing. Thank you for teaching us the way to Christ. Thank you for teaching us to remain faithful despite all the trials. Thank you for treating me, Nerai, Major, Icoy, Tano and the rest of the Teatrong Kumot as your brothers and sisters. our times at Teatro and JMY were truly the golden years of the organization. Thank you for bringing the smile and the light atmosphere to the group. You will forever be missed, I'm sure of that. But rest assured, no matter where you are, you will forever be in our hearts.

You will always be the one and only Ate Judee, our confidante, sister and best friend.

This photo was, I guess, our last photo together with Kuya Onad, Ate Anna and Phia taken last year before the Cenakulo. Those China-eyes, and that sweet smile, I'll surely miss. Even now, I am missing her already. Credits for the photo to Phia.

xoxo!

while waiting for the caffeine in my system to subside, here are some random thoughts on my mind:

- i've been addicted to the GG book series recently (am i that late bloomer?) though i've seen the series not that much, i guess i need to do a marathon... hmmm, maybe my vacation on september with U would be good time to do the marathon?
- i traveled back to my high school days through my mind and i realized one thing: i am blair, and karen was serena... she's the head turner, laid back person and i am a little serious and MEAN towards her... how many times did we actually fought and i was so sure i can turn my back on her forever, but she never did... and what more? we also had our "nate"... how i miss those days... and funny, i screwed up at "Yale U" as well (not really Yale, it's actually UP,haha!)...
- i'm feeling bored with facebook, and just out of boredom, i reset my password at myspace and friendster (yes, i still have those dormant accounts!) and funny how i'm enjoying myspace all over again... maybe soon this's going to be "Goodbye Facebook" as well?
-checking on my friendster, i confirmed what my cousin told me about a good friend from childhood, and i feel sad for him... how i want to send him a message and show him that he still got friends around to support him as he goes through all these sad events of his marriage life...but i chose not to... he'll buzz me if he needs some advice and help... for now, i'll just watch him from a distance...
-as days go by, i'm getting more and more bored with my job... i mean, c'mon, is there nothing new for me to do? i want some challenging stuffs to do! like say solve complicated problems happening along the process line... oh well, maybe i'm just missing the manufacturing life, no, correction, I TERRIBLY MISS MANUFACTURING LIFE...
- i think caffeine is working out of my system now, my eyes are getting heavy... gotta end this non-sense blog now...

you know you love me...

when i was young and 13

… I was on first year in high school…

… I almost didn’t make it for the school year because of my health condition…

… I had a service going to the school…

… I was still wearing lumbar braces to correct my scoliosis… sadly, it didn’t help…

… Our classroom was on the first floor, same floor and room I had when I was in first grade (seriously!)…

… I kept a diary wherein one key is with my best friend…

… I and my best friend fought that lasted for a month or two…

… I used the Johnson’s baby cologne heaven scent…

… I ate mango for breaks and donut for lunch…

… I finally knew how it felt not to be part of the students with honors just because I suck in Math (it didn’t change, anyway)…

… I had a friend who treated me as her best friend but I cannot treat her back as a best friend, she was just a friend for me, just like everybody else…

… I was classmates with my long-time crush and was the first time to talk with him again after the misunderstanding in fifth grade…

… I chose to be part of the computer geeks instead of pursuing the theater that I had joined in sixth grade…

… I realized I was not really a computer geek so I ended up doing nothing but chat with my friends during club meetings, simply known as members of “TAKAS CLUB” (Fugitive Club)*…

… To remove my name from the wanted list of Takas Club, I joined a program of computer geeks, who went out for intensive training of web design and virtual reality with STI College professors, but I didn’t learn anything, I just joined them because it entails us going out of the campus…

… I wrote hundreds of poems but I had lost it all, why? It’s because I had it all written on pieces of scratch papers, books I borrowed from the library, back of my notebooks and tissue papers…

… I forgot to say that I wrote my poems on desks at Music room and computer room as well as on computers saved as screen savers, too (I was a princess of vandalism)…

… I went out of campus with my best friend without my mom knowing it, and I was reprimanded when I got home because my service got there first…

… I turned into someone I never thought I could be: stubborn, mean, aggressive…

 

 

And now that I’m 26, I wish I can go back to that time when I’m 13, not to correct mistakes and crazy acts I did, but to add more on the list…

 

 

*Takas Club or Fugitive Club is an illegitimate organization in our campus whose members are always wanted by teachers and nuns for not joining or attending any legitimate organization, when caught, they are sanctioned with community service punishment.

ich bin Goethe geprüft!

…says the shirt that I got from Goethe Institut this afternoon. As per my teacher in 1.2, that shirt is given to those who passed the exam with flying colors. And yes, the wait is over, I got my certificate, I can apply for Visum anytime, I PASSED THE START DEUTSCH 1 exam!

 

But I cannot apply yet, I still have contract with my company. I need to finish this contract first before I step forward. With this certificate at my hand, other things started to pile on my mind. There is the feeling of fear and excitement. Fear that I will not survive in Germany. Fear that I will be leaving the things I get used to behind and excitement that I will be treading a path totally new for me. I just hope all will go well with me and my family.

 

I love the weather today. The sun is up, but it’s not scorching hot. I was able to walk around Salcedo Village without opening my umbrella. The wind seems cool at my skin. I can smell the coming of rainy days. And the weather is as beautiful as the news that I got from Goethe Institut.

 

Ich bin Goethe geprüft!!! ^_^

one reason why i hate summer....

 i'm ALWAYS pissed off...

just like tonight... as much as possible that i don't want to sound so rude towards my mom, i just can't help it. am so irritated... my brows tend to meet. i'm very difficult to please...in fact, it is like NOTHING PLEASES ME... i'm starting to hate everyone equally... seems like no one takes me seriously...

could all these be due to the hot weather? or could this be some sort of hormonal imbalance?

i don't know, all i know is i don't want to listen to anyone. :(

I miss Germany, so much that it makes me cry...

I don't know if this thing I am doing helps... I was only about to update my iPod, but then, my iTunes is not cooperating... So there, I ended up with old songs, and now, listening to Radio FFN.

Even if I don't really understand the ads and the DJ, I decided to stay tuned longer than planned. I suddenly missed Germany, to the extent that I am teary-eyed now. I miss Germany so much that I want to be there right now, as in NOW NA! How I wish Germany is just out there, just a bus away, but it isn't, and the fare is way expensive for me to visit it anytime I want.

I had my performance appraisal today as well. My senior engineer seems to be planning a new training for me, to make me more efficient, yes, there's too little work load for me. It is good plan, for it includes of course going back to Germany, but I guess I would have to decline when it comes. I want to be in Germany for good, not just a month or two. There are a lot of places in Germany that I want to see, things I want to experience, which, business trips would not allow me to experience.

Germany is my second home. It is so dear to my heart next to Batangas. In fact, I love it more than Manila where I was born and lived half of my life.

Philippine Fruit You'd Surely LOVE!

It has been 16 years since i last saw and ate this fruit. I remember in 4th grade,we get these from the tree at the convent.

I call it Philippine apple,but of course it is not. I missed it so much! Thanks to my couz for bringing me these from their backyard.

Makopa, anyone?

have you done your part?

Early this morning, I headed to precinct to cast my votes. There are pro’s and con’s, as always, with this new system. As expected, the predicted “fast” system turned out to be slower than the old system. We cannot blame it though to the system. I watched and timed the PCOS machine when I submitted my ballot, it was fast, it was around 35 seconds before it said “Congratulations!...” Now, some may ask, why then are the lines so long this time? Some had complained standing there since 6 in the morning and just finished at around 8 in the morning. It is because, I think, and this is only in my opinion; there is a need for more COMELEC officials in the precinct. In our place alone, they merged 5 precincts, each with around 180-200 voters, and the officials were just 4. Only one officer hands the ballots and watches/ helps the voters with the PCOS machine. Three of them searches for the names of the voters on the list and applies the indelible ink. It was disaster in that part. But the automated machine was okay, it was fast and according to my cousin who is a poll watcher, is indeed accurate based on their trial votes last night.

Despite the flaws, well, it is indeed expected, one that we commonly term as “birth pains”, I am glad that the election pushed through. I have exercised my right (as seen on the photo, but my cousin who’s one of the COMELEC officials in my precinct was so excited to put indelible ink on me, it was too much!) and I am looking forward for a brighter future for the country.

How about you? Have you done your part? Vote wisely…

By the way, C2 500mL bottle is only Php10.00 at 7-eleven, just show your mark. ;-)

it's so much fun!

i never expected this election to be so much fun. despite the failure found on the last days before the election, the automated election was still a success. it was difficult, but as the day went by, naayos naman lahat. though some places encountered last minute failures with the PCOS machine, and some have to stay for 5 hours falling in line just to cast their votes, the wait was all worth it. here are some funny wits taken from this recently concluded election, truly, filipinos can find ways to laugh despite all the mishaps:

1. @PCOSmachine created a twitter account! better check him out, he's so funny, i mean, it is so funny, machine nga pala sya, not a human.
2. together with @PCOSmachine is @cfcard, and PCOS is blaming cfcard for all the failures, ang kulet lang!
3. funny tag line I read from my cousin's first hand experience: "san ga nagpapalagay ng INCREDIBLE INK?".. turned out that this old lady at San Jose have a counterpart at Lipa, a guy, as mentioned by a friend naman...
4. together with this INCREDIBLE INK, another voter said it this way: "san ga ang naglalagay ng EDIBLE INK". so, after being "incredible hulk" it became something edible..

but @PCOSmachine topped it all... too bad, twitter seems to be hacked by some turkish guy as of this writing, so I cannot follow @PCOSmachine yet... :'(

tomorrow probably is a complete tally of votes. i just hope this would really be for the best of the country. sadly, none of the people I voted for the National election came out yet, except for Bongbong and Recto.

have you done your part?

Early this morning, I headed to precinct to cast my votes. There are pro’s and con’s, as always, with this new system. As expected, the predicted “fast” system turned out to be slower than the old system. We cannot blame it though to the system. I watched and timed the PCOS machine when I submitted my ballot, it was fast, it was around 35 seconds before it said “Congratulations!...” Now, some may ask, why then are the lines so long this time? Some had complained standing there since 6 in the morning and just finished at around 8 in the morning. It is because, I think, and this is only in my opinion; there is a need for more COMELEC officials in the precinct. In our place alone, they merged 5 precincts, each with around 180-200 voters, and the officials were just 4. Only one officer hands the ballots and watches/ helps the voters with the PCOS machine. Three of them searches for the names of the voters on the list and applies the indelible ink. It was disaster in that part. But the automated machine was okay, it was fast and according to my cousin who is a poll watcher, is indeed accurate based on their trial votes last night.

Despite the flaws, well, it is indeed expected, one that we commonly term as “birth pains”, I am glad that the election pushed through. I have exercised my right (as seen on the photo, but my cousin who’s one of the COMELEC officials in my precinct was so excited to put indelible ink on me, it was too much!) and I am looking forward for a brighter future for the country.

How about you? Have you done your part? Vote wisely…

By the way, C2 500mL bottle is only Php10.00 at 7-eleven, just show your mark. ;-)

Vote for a better future

In few hours the fate of the country would change. Would it be for the better or for the worse? Everything depends in our hands. Vote for someone who understands the meaning of selfless caring and unconditional service to people. Politics is about service, not some form of business. Don't let your dignity be compromised. In the national level, I personally think it is Gordon who got the best resume for this position, therefore, he is my president. All the rest would be staggered choice from all parties.

You are a person with dignity and pride, YOU ARE NOT FOR SALE! Vote wisely! The country depends in you...

after 12 years, i still miss you...

April 28, 1998: I received a call from a friend in the seminary. The youth camp is scheduled on the 1st of May until 3rd of May at a remote beach resort in Batangas. I was only 14 years old then. Even if I also have the waiver at hand, I was so afraid to ask permission from home. Mom was not around then, she went to the hospital to get your results. You saw the worry on my face, you took the phone and talked to Bro. I saw you seriously talking with him, and then you winked and handed me back the phone. I smiled after saying bye to Bro. That was also the last vivid smile I saw from you.

April 29, 1998: You could hardly stand up from bed. You said it was just the "normal" arthritis attack. I bought that statement, but mom didn't. You asked me if I had given the waiver to mom to sign, you just know how afraid I am of Mom. Mom hesitated to sign at first, but you told her, "let her explore the world outside of this house and of her school, give her the gift of independence." I loved you more on that. Despite the slurry speech that day, you gave me one of the best gifts I could ever have. You forced a smile, but your muscles betrayed you, it ended up like with a twisted lips.

May 1, 1998: I woke up early, ran to your side and hugged you. This day was the start of the youth camp. I will be away for a while. With a little difficulty, you said "take care and enjoy." Those were the last words I you said that I understood. Mom brought me to the meeting place, and left. She said she needs to buy you new set of clothes, but to never mention it to you when I get back. I asked her why, she said it's going to be a surprise. You're going to wear it on the election day.

May 3, 1998: I came back from the camp too late. A little later than what's on the waiver. It's because we had been to a fiesta on our way back. You were asleep already, Mom said that I leave the stories the next day for you were tired. I asked mom if I can sleep in your room, and she agreed. That night, at around 11:00pm, you woke up. I cried. I could not understand not even a single word coming out of your mouth. You were twitching on your bed, but I could not understand what you need. Mom came and helped you up to pee. I cried, as I saw tears running down your cheeks. I cried, as I saw Mom put you back in bed. I saw Mom cried as she wiped away your tears.

May 6, 1998: You gave up on eating. you turned away from medicines. You just kept on sleeping. Even if it was my uncle and aunt's anniversary, there was nothing to celebrate. The house is full of gloom. I held your hand, and you seem not to notice it. You breathe, yet you seems to be so far away. I cried. Mom said, I must stay in my room and do my thing. I ended up finishing the stitches I was making. Sadly, you were not able to see my stitching project done.

May 8, 1998, 2:00 in the afternoon: My cousin went to my room to see my stitching project. She was doing the same design. I was so excited to show her how far I had gone ahead of her. We were chatting, when we heard Mom's cry. We ran to your room, and saw Mom hugging you. Your sister holding the rosary and calling out your name. She kept shouting for you to come back, but you were just there, lying. I saw my auntie hugging Grandma, Grandma is crying, almost collapsing. Uncle told me to call their other siblings and tell them to go home. Then, my cousin made it clear to me, when she hugged me. I just cried. Held your hand and sit by your side as I cry with mom. You were gone.

In two days time it is 12 years since you left us. Almost the same time when you left us, election is about to happen. Even if it has been 12 years now without you, it doesn't change. Every smell of coffee flower reminds me of you, those times when I was small when you would put up the hammock by the coffee tree and we would spend hot summer afternoons there. Every coffee beans that I see being dried reminds me of you, those harvest times when you would bring me with you, and you'd laugh at me as I sort the red coffee beans from yellow, green and orange. I always give up in the end, it's too tedious to sort the beans by color, when we have tens of sacks of coffee beans for drying. The smell of shrimp paste reminds me of you. Those times when you had lost your appetite for anything, and would only eat shrimp paste with your rice. Do you know that I got that appetite from you? I'd rather eat shrimp paste with my rice than eat those fatty foods on the table. I remember you every summer, and all the times we had shared harvesting your crops and visiting your brothers while you teach me ride my bike. I remember you every May as you choose the best flowers for me to offer to the altar. I remember you every Santacruzan and how proud you are to see me and my cousins as part of the queens and princesses. The time that you left us, that was also when we lose interest on such event. I remember you on rainy days and how you would put on my rain jacket and rain boots and bring me around barangay with you. Because of you, a lot of people know who I am, but I could not remember, even their nicknames.

I remember you now that election is fast approaching. You were the one who instilled the political and history interest in me. I remember those times when the candidates would end up not finishing their visits because they enjoyed talking with you so much. I remember you every time I write an article or poem. You were my first fan, and I thank you for that. I remember you when I hear the radio. You were the one who taught me to tune in on the radio when I have nothing else to do. I remember you on Christmas season, and how our house is always filled with visitors, mostly are friends of yours. Since you left us, the house is hardly filled by people like how it used to be when you were here.

I remember you always, Mamay. And I will always remember you, no matter how many years would pass. 

You will always be remembered and loved.

what would you do if...

… your best friend since fourth grade was gone for quite sometime, no not sometime, but for such a long time. And after years being gone, he’s back with a news. Such a breaking news… and that news entails about a change in his personality you’ve known for 17 years: He’s GAY…

 

What would your reaction be?

 

If you’re going to ask me, my initial reaction was LAUGHTER AND TEARS. I don’t know how to respond correctly.

 

Luckily, everything was a JOKE.

 

Bwisit na chaboy yan!