Thursday, January 31, 2013

Scent of Life

When was the last time that I sat in front of the computer to blog, I cannot remember. I usually blog the last time either on my phone or on hubby's tablet. The last months, rather, years, were a roller coaster ride for me, that my mind is empty. But I guess, things would change this year. I am not sure how or when, but I can smell it in the air.

I woke up early today and sat for quite a while in front of the computer to play some games. Then I decided to start on my daily routine as a wife, but first, I needed the WC. I am not sure what it was, but as I came into the WC, I've noticed that my hubby left the window at the dining area wide open on a winter morning, I smelled something nostalgic. It came from outside, it was that scent that I smelled the first time I stepped my feet on Germany last 2008. I could not incorporate that scent on the melting snow, because when I first came here, that was a warm winter. I am not sure if it came from the Christmas trees, because there's not much of them at Gelnhausen nor in Frankfurt. It cannot be Gl├╝hwein or whatever Christmas drinks because I am the only one with open windows in our neighborhood. One thing I thought that could be, it is the Scent of Dreams Coming True. 

Germany is one of my dream country to visit. I first came to know about it in third grade when a newcomer from Cologne went into my school. She told me a lot of interesting stuffs about Germany that I started to dream about it, look at it on Encyclopedia or any other travel books in the library. I asked her to teach me a few German words. I fell in love with it even if I haven't seen it yet. For me, Germany is a Fairy Tale land, where real princesses and princes take a walk on the forests. Where snow is magical. Where fairy godmothers are real. Funny how the nature connived to fulfill this dream of mine. I went to the university as a Chemistry student, a course that I never really wanted but I just got no choice, I have to get into that university no matter what. Little did I know that this course would lead me to getting to Germany. We had German Language in our curriculum. Afterwards, I was hired by different international companies, but funny how Emerson keeps on showing up its ads on me on the newspaper and online. Then came the day that I finally gave in to one of these ads and I got myself in. The next thing I knew, I am walking along the streets of Frankfurt am Main on winter of 2008. In the year 2009, as I came back, I am already cuddling with the love of my life, along the Main river in Kahl. It was a dream come true for me to be in Germany. The One Above gave me even a bonus: to live in the country of my dream.

However, 2011 was a bit confusing for me. After 6 years of working, I experienced the longest unemployment of my life. It was depressing and tiring. I never thought that doing nothing can be more stressful than working. What kept me standing was the waiting for my visa. My hubby told me it won't take that long, I would be with him. I got my visa end of September and I was on my way back to Germany first week of October. It was also not that exciting, to be honest. After 27 years of my life, that would be the longest time I would be away from my family. I went into all crazy, difficult moments of my life from 2011 to 2012: adjustment to a married life, the differing culture between me and my hubby, the language barrier, unemployment, the cold days - not only on winter!, the food, the homesickness. Too much for me to feel, that I thought I am going to die. There were days when I decided to fly back to the Philippines, where employment is a bit easier for me to find. But my love was stronger and kept me stronger and be more patient. Thanks to my hubby who decided to take 2-months-long vacation in the Philippines, because he thinks, that would help me heal. Upon coming back here, I thought it has not changed, all those crazy thoughts are still lurking in my heart and mind. But it changed today. I am not sure what happened, but it just changed, just like that.

I spent my whole day yesterday sending out my resume to different companies. Even if my hubby told me to get back to the university and earn my master's and Ph.D., I've decided to apply at different companies yesterday. Studies is not bad, but with our status, I wanted to be of help. Job is what I need, what I wanted to have. I have this feeling that I am going to meet my new best friend here in Germany in the company I would be working soon. I am excited to meet her that I cannot wait anymore hence for the application. I haven't received any positive feedback yet, nor invitation for an interview. But this scent I smelled this morning, it was a sign, it awakened the hope in me. It brought me back to life. It gave me optimism and motivation. 

That scent that I would never forget because that scent made me believe that dreams do come true.
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