Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Nightmare Began...(or was it the end of it?)

This morning, I woke up from a terrible nightmare. As in, I was still trembling and my heart's palpitation was too much for me to handle.

My dream was about this guy I have been avoiding for days now. I am avoiding him not because I don't like him, in fact, I used to like him (yeah, USED to...), but when things started to change, I started to move away... He no longer is the same guy I used to hang out with, a lot of things changed in him... His outlook in life and his attitude towards other people, most especially to me. I am not demanding him to give me utmost attention, but the reverse, I want his distance... For weeks, I started to be afraid of him, of what he could possibly do, that I sought help from a friend to overcome my fear of him, and be able to move like before. She did, she helped me by showing support and that she'll protect me from whatever he might be capable of doing, but then, he grew more aggressive and suddenly got mad at me for simply me not doing what he wants. Anyway, going back to my dream, I dreamt about him, not the usual stories of dreams, I dreamt he was dead, as in lifeless. In my dream, my mom and godmother told me a news about a family friend's son who passed away, mentioning the name, but my expression didn't changed at first, as if, I don't believe them, until we went to the wake. The place was similar, though the lay out of the house was different from theirs, but the place and the direction we are heading really looks like we're heading their house. We went inside, and I saw his mom in my dream, and my mom telling us stories of how thoughtful he was, for buying Nanay a dress, or something, which I cannot remember him doing in real life, so I thought it could be someone else, only the name was used. But when it was time to give respect to the remains, I screamed and cried (even in real life, I did!), for it was him inside the open coffin (kinda weird that the coffin was open but there's a body inside, anyway, it was a dream, and dreams always have weird stuffs)...Anyway, so that was the story of my dream, and I woke up screaming and crying and my heart pounding so fast as if I have ran a thousand-meter race.

That's the reason why I woke up earlier than usual, and was able to catch the second bus, yes, the SECOND shuttle bus..hahaha! I woke up and went through my usual routine thinking, "what does my dream wants to say?"

I remembered on my first job, my friend told me that dreaming of a wake signifies that the person inside the coffin will soon get married, but what if the coffin is open?Will it still signify the same meaning? And whoa! He will soon get married? I don't know if it's a relief for me or not, it's a mixture of feelings, so I consulted the ever friendly search engines to interpret that mind-boggling dream, here's what dreamcrowd.com has as an answer for me:

To dream that you attend a wake, symbolizes your need to grieve or let go of something that has been close to you. It is also okay to seek the support of those around you to help you get through this difficult time.

Okay, so that was the best interpretation I was able to get, and probably the closest one to what I am currently going through...But me, to grieve? I guess, letting go is okay for me, but to grieve time and again, no way! I don't wanna go through those steps again, I am okay now, and I am now learning to let go, I don't need to weep again like before.

I hope that dream interpretation was for real, for I cannot accept it if it means worse for the person in my dream, it's true, I'm mad at him but I do not want to wish him bad luck or something, I just want to move on, and let go of our story, that's all...

So, could that nightmare be a beginning of a very long nightmare in real life, or was it already the end of it? I hope it's the second one... ;)

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