Sunday, May 13, 2007

who says my life is wonderful?!? it isn't..and it never will...

    i hate this month! two years ago, this was the most memorable month of my life, but now?! i dunno... few days ago, got a message from him... i was delighted, only to feel really down and devastated after the conversation... i felt like the whole world fell on my shoulder... it's like the end of everything for me... i suddenly felt weak...alone...betrayed...and unloved...then i began to ask myself, what's wrong with me? what's missing that keeps them away from me? what is it that they find in me that makes them lost their way and leave me behind? and then i began to question the existence of God (which i know i shouldn't do...) for i could not understand His ways... i could not find the answers...i don't know why He keeps on placing me into trials, my whole life through...pakiramdam ko tuloy my whole life is a mess, a series of mistakes that could never ever be corrected, no matter how hard i try to...
    eto pa, akala ko i'm very much blessed with this job of mine...well, in a way, yes..they're paying me well, if not just, at least it's enough...but ewan ko ba, lately, i'm feeling really tired of this job...OT dito, OT dun, halos dito na nga ako natutulog every other day...they said i should be thankful kasi madami kami work, it means, madaming nagtitiwala sa product namin...i agree, but then again, we're humans as well, di ba nila magagawan ng paraan na maayos ang sistema nila?we need a break as well, di lang ang mga admin people na wala namang masyadong ginagawa ang nagdedeserve ng vacation..and not because i am still on probi period eh wala na kong right sa vacation ko...it's election day tomorrow, and where am i?at work,analyzing unlimited samples and waiting for midnight to come to finish all these stuffs..yes, you heard it right...*sigh* am going to spend the night here at the office again..."okay lang yan, you're entitled to holiday pay,malaking pera panggimmick,finally you can spend time with your call center friends na matagal ng nagyayaya lumabas..."yan na lang pakonswelo ko sa sarili ko eh...but is it working?i dunno...
    ano pa bang nakaka-piss off sa kin ngayon...ah,sobrang dami na i'm even tired typing everything out...how i wish time would stop so that i could at least give sometime for myself naman...tiem for me to reflect on what have been's...what i've done wrong...where i've done wrong...and what i'm supposed to do...now that my life is in total chaos, i guess i need some tiem to retreat from the world and rearrange everything...
   

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