Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Independence

Few days ago, I had a talk with my mom. She asked me the usual stuffs we talk about when we chat: how I and my husband are, what is the weather here, the weather in the Philippines, my dear dog and our upcoming vacation. Then I told her I have to cut our chat time short because there are lots of stuff I have to do since we were out of town for three days. Then came this old talks that I am not sure whether I would be grateful of or would piss me off.

Mom: I bet you got lots of clothes to wash.
Me: Yes, and I have to clean the house too.
Mom: Don't force yourself to finish everything today. That is one of my worries here.
Me: Mom, you have nothing to worry here. First of all, I just have to dump the clothes in the machine and wait for it. Secondly, the apartment is not too big that I'd tire myself to death. I think it'll only take me 30 minutes cleaning up.
Mom: When yo start working and I am already there, everything would be easier for you again just like when you were here.
Me: Thanks, ma. But really, everything is okay and my husband is not that sensitive and OC.

I am grateful that up to this time, my mom thinks of me and how she can make things light for me. But honestly, I had enougj of it. I love my independence now. I love that I can cook for myself and for my husband, that I feel more responsible when it comes to cleanliness and order of our house. I have learned to wake up early to ensure my husband's coffee is ready. These stuffs that I experience for the first time makes me totally happy.

I did not come from a rich family, for I am afraid some people would think I am due to my lazy past. The reason why for 27 years, I have never done much of household chores was due to my health. My mom was so afraid that if she forces me to do stuffs, I'd end up having heart aches (literally) or asthma attack. Therefore, she did everything for me. The times when I do chores, such as cleaning the house and waxing and scrubbing the floors, it always end up me being scolded instead of being praised nor thanked for. My mom allows me to help but only for a very short time and she would send me somewhere for errands. We had fought a lot of times over this method of hers, because I have seen my classmates having their own responsobilities at home while I do not have any.

When I left for training in the year 2008, I experienced independence for the first time. It was so great. I felt healthier than ever. I felt more grown up. Hence I told myself, it is now time for my mom to enjoy her days, she does not have to serve me anymore. I am no longer that sickly girl she used to take care of. I am already a grown up woman. But when I went back to the Philippines, it went back to how it was before I left. When I told her I wanted independence, it hurt her and thought that I do not need her anymore. It hurt me more because it is not what I really want! Until a colleague became my boyfriend (who is now my husband). I finally have a reason to give mom a rest from serving me. When we got married, I will be leaving the country and live with my husband in Germany and finally, my dream of independence shall be fulfilled!

True enough, we got married, I moved here and I am enjoying a lot of independence. But my mom still thinks I am still her little girl and would want to move here too to do again what she used to do. I know I am lucky that I have my mom and she is so thoughtful and sweet. But it is already time for her to pamper herself, to enjoy her life and be secured that I can take care of myself and my own family. I do not know how to tell her that without hurting her feelings again. All I got for an answer to her was:

First, mom, you have to learn the language and pass the exam to get here. :)

I think a woman of old age would think otherwise when it entails learning a new language again. I hope that my answer helped me to lower down her expectations that migrating here is not as easy as it is in the US.

Plus I do not want to give up my independence. I am having a lot of fun with it.

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