Tuesday, March 31, 2009

I Love U!

1 2, 1 2 3 4-
Give me more lovin' than I've ever had,
Make it all better when I'm feelin' sad,
Tell me that I'm special even when I know I'm not,
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Barely gettin' mad,
I'm so glad I found you; I love bein' around you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-(I love you)
I love you.

Give me more lovin' from the very start,
Piece me back together when I fall apart,
Tell me things you never even tell your closest friends-
Make it feel good when I hurt so bad, Best that I've had,
I'm so glad I found you, I love bein' around you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do- (I love you)
I love you.
(I love you) I love you.

You make it easy, it's easy as 1, 2- 1, 2, 3, 4
There's only 1 thing 2 do 3 words 4 you- (I love you) I love you
There's only 1 way 2 say those 3 words and that's what I'll do-(I love you)
I love you.

The Third and Last Option To Blog

I have my blog inactive for so long, not because I am not in the mood of writing, honestly, I got soooooooo many ideas wasted, but because ALL personal sites are banned here in the office (and I mean ALL: blogger, multiply, facebook, Friendster*, i.ph, wordpress, and many others). And should I say I am pretty much amazed by our IT? ALL proxy sites are banned as well! I mean, there are thousands of proxy sites (or even millions), and none of them will open up. Very, very good IT department (though it is not a funny thing for me). I have another option, as a matter of fact, that is to blog when I got home, but the problem is, when I get home, it is either I am soooooo sleepy, or the idea of what to blog is totally GONE. So last night, I remember the third option, and I made sure I have the secret word ready today, just in case I need some break from my documents.

* was quite surprised when I was typing this blog in Word, the word have been corrected automatically, did Mr. Webster added it in his dictionary already?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The One Who Got Away

Have you ever felt regrets about your past? Things that made you think of taking a ride back to that time so that you can make up with it… Then, you begin to contemplate, what life you could have right now if that part of your past was different. And you feel regrets over and over, especially if you found out that thing has changed and gone out your hand for good… And you just know, it’s your piece when somebody asks you if you experienced to have someone, or something, get away from your life forever…

When I was in graders, I met this kid. He’s different from any other kid in our class. He’s good looking, he plays basketball real good, and he’s intelligent. He got a sister on other class, but said they’re not twins, they’re just siblings. I found his sister to be a snob, but he said, she’s not, and if I am to give her time, we could be good friends too. I don’t know what’s in him, but I did what he asked from me. Everyone, including our teachers, was asking if there was something about us, and of course we would say, we’re just friends. But when one of my friends confessed to him that she likes him, I started to move away. I have thought, since their feelings are mutual, they should go out together. I even suggested a change in seats, which he did. Honestly, I was saddened when he chose to change seats, but I have to accept it. But he later requested to go back to what was the arrangement, and my friend said, he couldn’t concentrate on our classes thinking I am seated beside another guy in the class. They insisted that we could have been meant for each other, since we got a lot of similarities, and even looks alike, but I told them what we have is mere friendship.

Came the following year, and we were no longer classmates. I am still classmates with that girl who confessed to him. Tthat year, I came to know that girl more. I could not blame him for liking that girl, since she’s really nice and beautiful, we even became good friends, and well, she was also the same person to know that I have developed a thing already for that guy. She told me that I should do the same thing that she did, and she said she’d move away from that guy once I get the courage to blurt out my feelings since all of them are looking forward for that story. I was still a kid, and he was the very first person I liked. I was made to tell my feelings through a game, a consequence I have to do. And that was also my first heartbreak…

I received a different response from him. He ignored my confession. He laughed at me. He said I don’t know what I am saying. I was hurt, of course, and I chose to ignore him, to move away from him. I know he noticed it, but it seems like it’s nothing for him. So our grade school days ended that way, we didn’t talked even if I was not sure if I would still be studying there for high school, he did not bother to talk to me even during the graduation.

Came high school, I was about to have a surgery which did not push through, so I was still able to study there. He was my classmate again, together with his sister. His sister thought we can go back to what we were at the beginning, but she was wrong.

There were a lot of firsts that he shared in my life that makes it really difficult to forget him. He was the first guy who saw me stained my uniform when I had my monthly period, yet, that did not return what we used to have. I was sick, he was the one who informed our teacher, and he even visited me at the clinic while I was asleep (that was according to my best friend), but I remained unscathed (that was what I thought). His sister told me how my name was always part of their dinner during elementary days, but now, my name’s no longer part of their household, I just told her, “those are part of childhood days, and today’s different.”

He had his first girlfriend, still, most of our friends thought it better to have me as his girlfriend, but I said, “What we had was all we could ever have.” I don’t know if I hurt him with those words. He stopped reaching out to me, stopped caring about me, or was it because there’s a girl he cared more that time. They broke up, and his friends said he’s broken, but I remained still, and did not made friends with him again. Came the Juniors year, and I was forced to talk to him, all because of a survey assigned to me, which, I have to get the answer from their group (I forgot to mention, he’s a varsity player). His friends thought that’s the start of renewing our lost friendship again, but they were all wrong, I talked to him just to finish the survey, but after that, there was silence again. Seniors, we saw each other at the university I chose to study for college, he passed there as well. The last conversation we had was during the graduation day, when he uttered a simple “congratulations.”

I thought we’d be together still till college, but I was wrong. His sister said, he withdrew the reservation because his friends withdrew, which I knew was not the case. I saw one of his friends at the Commerce building, and was a UAAP player as well, which, he should have been part of, too. That time that I saw his friend, I knew, he withdrew all because of me. He chose a college school over a university because he wanted a school that would be farther from me.

A lot of questions kept on boggling my mind, but I knew better about the answer, everything was my fault. I cannot blame it to anybody, not even him.

It’s been days now since I’ve been so nostalgic about him. Eraserheads songs are back to radio’s regular playlist. It slides me back to that time when Eraserheads dominates the music industry, time when we were still best of friends. I wish that as I slide down to memory lane, I could also make up with him, and retain the friendship, at least. But now, I know it’s late… It’s too late for me to do the first step…

I saw his friendster profile, and it says, “Married”… And his girl commented that they are not just lovers, but best friends, they are united, and it silently shouts back to me that there’s no more room for renewed friendship.

And I just got a dose of my personal share of THE ONE WHO GOT AWAY…And he will be my regret for the rest of my life…The best friend I once had…

What I said before, is now for real, “what we had is all that we could have…”
I’ll just be thankful for the memories of Grade 4…

Monday, March 23, 2009


Unlike other people, I am totally different among others... I-AM-NOT-HAPPY-BEING-HOME...

I hate all the interrogations... I hate all the comments... I hate all: "so tell me how Germany's like...", or "so tell me about your new boyfriend..." blah-blah-blah...

It's not that I am not eager to tell stories, it's just sometimes, some questions were totally off, I mean, things that should be mine only, private stuffs, that people (and sad to say, my family) keeps on asking! And what I hate more is Mom telling me things of what I should do with OUR relationship, as in I wanna tell her: "Mom, I am the GIRLFRIEND, not you!"

About work, well, I was not informed about this change of sched, advancing one hour, which, I was lucky because I did just right, because Sommerzeit has not started yet, but next week... Another thing, first day back here, I received no work yet, which, I understand, because my boss is working on his hundreds of back logs... The only sad part is, I am monitored and scored per day of my job here, and not of quality, but quantity, so today, I am totally inefficient...

But as Brian has said : "always look on the bright side of life..." I look at my idleness a somewhat good sign... Because if emails will not come to me that much, they will see that Hasselroth is doing great without Manila help, then, they will disregard my bond and let me go... In that case, I can fly back HOME to Germany very, very soon... That will totally be the greatest part of my life...

Tell more stories about my flight and immigration stories when I get time again... It's totally creepy and funny at the same time!!!

Sigh! I just miss U sooo much... Didn't hear his voice the whole day, only emails...

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Spring: Hello Germany, Goodbye Cy

Yeah, spring is here next week, and we've been experiencing the sun for days last week, till this week started to f* up... The forecast said the sun will be back today, but hey, it's almost 12 noon, still the sky is gray... Oh well, maybe sentimenting with me, I have received a message this morning that my mom is in the hospital, but thanks that when I called them, she's somewhat well now, only needs a day in the hospital for observation.

Maybe that's why I have been out of my mind for days, my mom is not doing good... Two days ago, while I was having an idle time at work, I re-ordered my file folders, and deleted some unwanted documents, and make modifications on my email set up, then poof! All my archive emails GONE! Yes, so stupid to delete both my archive and personal folders. And I have my e-ticket there for next week! Darn! And my boss is calling me at the hotel and my phone for days and she cannot reach me, why? I am always out with U, I do not want to bore my ass in the hotel alone... And my handy? Well, I did not put load on it for month now, now my roaming is only for incoming text messages...

Latest stupidity, U's son called, and I hanged up, hahaha! Stupid! Out of myself!

Good thing this Aussie Eis in Frankfurt gives a very soothing and delicious eis...

Cye: Hello Spring!

Spring: Goodbye Cye! Hello Germany!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

All Because of Me

If this relationship will not work, I do not have anybody else to blame but me... And I hate myself for being sooooooooooooooooooo paranoid, and sensitive...

Can somebody tell me what to do to keep myself off from being so sensitive? I want this relationship to forever, as much as possible, I do not want to lose him in the end, I am afraid he might get tired of me, because I am becoming sooooooooooooo sensitive...

Just blogging, it might help me get myself back...