My other cyberspace is up and running again, been blogging there for days already, but I chose to blog here today. Why? Because this is the place where I know my emotions most fit in.
For months, I thought I'm fine, or maybe I just bought that idea to keep myself off from thinking too much. Then, out of the blue, here it comes again. I know I can't blame anybody, all I can blame on right now is myself. Why can't I completely move on? Why do I keep on hurting myself? Why do I continuously love him and hope that there'll be another chance for us again? Why am I so blind and weak when it comes to him? Why can't I just utter the words goodbye whenever I'm facing him?
I hate him for making my life miserable, but I hate myself more than anybody else for loving him despite everything that's obviously happening between us.
The time is not right, we both know that. There won't be an "us" again, we know that, but we keep our eyes closed on those facts. I'm so stupid that I don't know what to do and say without hurting him in anyway.
Damn it!
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