Thursday, May 31, 2007

Miss Universe 2007

I was not able to watch it...But, as far as I've heard, I didn't missed a big event (that I expected it to be big!)...I've always admired Tere, but too bad, she was not able to make it...Well, at least, she got the Miss Photogenic award, with prizes similar to a third runner-up winner, not really bad, let's look at the brighter side, she won larger prize ompared to the fourth placer...But I feel bad for she was not able to showcase her wits...Anyway, Miss Universe is not for her, maybe the bar's waiting for her to be the country's number 1 lawyer...And this year's event did not turned out to be big,not because I'm bitter with the results, but simply because the event now is filled with a lot of controversies...I guess, God did allowed Tere not to win to have our country off the issues hovering the said pageant...

With all the sponsors, it is justifiable that Miss Japan wins, even if Miss Korea is far more beautiful than this woman... For me, Miss Korea should have won over Miss Japan...

These are just my opinions...If I offended anybody, my apologies...Anyway, it's a free country, and I'm entitled for my own opinions...

another open letter...this time, it's for me!

how i wish someone would write me a sweet letter like this...hahaha!dream on, cy! who remembers this letter?it was aired on tv,really loved the content of his letter...changed the name to justify my fantasy,hahahaha!


My Dear Cy,

One day I will disappear completely. The letters will mean nothing.

The world will get tired of me.
You will get tired of me.
I will get tired of myself.
I'm dying.
But I will never get tired of you.

For you there will be no endings.
I will say your name over and over.
Like a refrain and a prayer to no one.

Then I'll be a flower. The one you'll never pick.
And will endure the breathless waiting 'till boundaries disappear.

With nothing to do I make new constellations.
Images of you as I remember.
Dancing, sitting, walking...
They are stars from a different view.

But still I see nothing but you.
Unfurling like a flower.
Swiveling like a leaf.

I once watched you sleep beside me.
It was dark then.
But the darkness is deeper now.

Tonight in my dreams I will see you.
My lady clothed only in light.


Like a kite I'm giving myself up to the wind.
I've made friends with the sun.
Confused the birds with strange and distant voyages.
But it is you that ties the thread and holds me down.

Like a kite I will forever hold your hand.
And with the burning human longing in your hands, I surrender.
I will never get tired of you.
For you there will be no endings.

I will say your name over and over.
Cy, Cy...
Like a refrain.
My prayer to no one.

You know I will never get far and there is no need for my return.
Only travellers leave.
I've never been a traveller for I have never left.
I am lost simply.

I wanted to be in a place I have never been and will never be of all destinations.
I longed to be lost in the fields of your hair.
Lost among your thoughts as you are already in mine.

You are my will to live.
My life started when I loved you,
and that's how I wanted to end.

Yours forever,



moving on...part III

am i right?this is my part three already? it took me a long while that i forgot what step i should be right now...

<edited, checked my site right, it's part three!>


now, where am i? am not that far yet, i can still see that place...i can still picture "us" on that place a little while ago...but there's no more turning back...i have to stand firm with my words that i'm through with him...that our story is over...and i have to accept that not all stories have happy ending...

got this excerpt from the recently ended tv series here in the Philippines... the lines struck me...

"Even if we want it to...
Happily Ever After is not always true.
If stories end as lives are bound to,
then how do you say goodbye to someone you promised forever to?
With tears and with sorrow,
The never-ending night concedes to tomorrow...
For in the end, there is none to find,
It is but love that's left behind."


since i've heard and read this thing, i've decided that my third step will be influenced by this line...that there are no longer fairy tales where the princess ends with her prince charming and they live happily ever after...for fairy tales are only make-believes, and reality is a totally different story... that no matter how hard we try to make our story fairy tale-like, it would be impossible, for our lives are carved differently by the Ultimate Sculptor and that there is no fairy godmother to grant our every wishes in order for us to end with our dream princes...what we only hold is the faith that He wrote the best story for us...that even if it's living without our prince charming, at least, He made sure there will be a knight in shining armor at the end of the story...


currently, i am still inside the castle that i've built with my prince who turned into a frog (nice metaphor here,lol!) and that frog, i no longer know where it hopped,maybe found a lady frog and left the castle ahead of me...i am still looking for my way out of this i wish i can find the exit soon...


i wish i wouldn't reach step ten of moving on...

Sunday, May 13, 2007

who says my life is wonderful?!? it isn't..and it never will...

    i hate this month! two years ago, this was the most memorable month of my life, but now?! i dunno... few days ago, got a message from him... i was delighted, only to feel really down and devastated after the conversation... i felt like the whole world fell on my shoulder... it's like the end of everything for me... i suddenly felt weak...alone...betrayed...and unloved...then i began to ask myself, what's wrong with me? what's missing that keeps them away from me? what is it that they find in me that makes them lost their way and leave me behind? and then i began to question the existence of God (which i know i shouldn't do...) for i could not understand His ways... i could not find the answers...i don't know why He keeps on placing me into trials, my whole life through...pakiramdam ko tuloy my whole life is a mess, a series of mistakes that could never ever be corrected, no matter how hard i try to...
    eto pa, akala ko i'm very much blessed with this job of mine...well, in a way, yes..they're paying me well, if not just, at least it's enough...but ewan ko ba, lately, i'm feeling really tired of this job...OT dito, OT dun, halos dito na nga ako natutulog every other day...they said i should be thankful kasi madami kami work, it means, madaming nagtitiwala sa product namin...i agree, but then again, we're humans as well, di ba nila magagawan ng paraan na maayos ang sistema nila?we need a break as well, di lang ang mga admin people na wala namang masyadong ginagawa ang nagdedeserve ng vacation..and not because i am still on probi period eh wala na kong right sa vacation's election day tomorrow, and where am i?at work,analyzing unlimited samples and waiting for midnight to come to finish all these stuffs..yes, you heard it right...*sigh* am going to spend the night here at the office again..."okay lang yan, you're entitled to holiday pay,malaking pera panggimmick,finally you can spend time with your call center friends na matagal ng nagyayaya lumabas..."yan na lang pakonswelo ko sa sarili ko eh...but is it working?i dunno...
    ano pa bang nakaka-piss off sa kin ngayon...ah,sobrang dami na i'm even tired typing everything i wish time would stop so that i could at least give sometime for myself naman...tiem for me to reflect on what have been's...what i've done wrong...where i've done wrong...and what i'm supposed to that my life is in total chaos, i guess i need some tiem to retreat from the world and rearrange everything...

Thursday, May 10, 2007

angel's wings - an open letter

My Angel,

Thanks for the memories shared with me. Thanks for the moments, even if those were just stolen moments and even if that was only for a short while. Thanks for making me feel loved even if I know those are lies. Thanks for the lessons you taught me and for being there at my side when I am at my weakest… Thanks for making me laugh during my most difficult times, and for making me cry reminding me that I could never have everything that I want to have, including you…

Sorry for the times when I became so fickle-minded. Sorry for the times when I caused you so much pain and sufferings. Sorry I came into your life and made you so miserable, I never intended to hurt you this way… Sorry for all of my shortcomings…

I will surely miss the old times, the moments under the rain... the movies…the stories, sad and happy…the arguments…I will surely miss you and everything that we have done together and shared…

I hope you’d be happy now… I hope you’d find your true happiness…not just a temporary one that I have offered…You deserved to be happy for you are such a wonderful person in and out…I wish you all the best this life could bring, a happy life, a contented love life, a successful career…

You will always be remembered…You will always be in my heart and mind…You will always be my angel…

Remember, in times of your adversities and sadness, I will always be your angel… I will be here to help and support you, I am just one phone call away…I will forever be your angel…I will forever love you, my one and only angel…You know that you are the first and last person I’d ever love…I am giving back you your wings for you to find the place where you will be most happy…

Again, you will always be remembered…You will always be in my heart and mind…You will always be my angel…Thanks for everything, for the lessons learned and for the memories shared and experiences gained…Our memories together will forever be cherished, in my heart and in my mind…You are the most wonderful gift God had sent my way…

Take care always…I will always be at the other side of the rainbow…I love you and I forever will…may God be with you always…and may God lead you to where you will be most happy…

"..loving you is all that means to me, then being happy is all i hope you'll be...loving you must mean i really have to SET YOU FREE..."